Leaving abusive relationships (merged)

black-saturn

vik6525 wrote:

hi all! well, it didnt work out how id planned it thats for darn sure! he actually ended up going last night (we started rowing, and i just flipped, i mean went proper mental (im not proud, but it just came to a head))and i kicked him out. i was in such a stinker of a mood that i dont think even i would have stayed round me! so, about one oclock this after noon the door bell goes. huge bunch of flowers (from him). not once in three and a half years has he ever sent me flowers. ever. at about three this afternoon, door bell goes again. its him. he didnt say anything, just handed me a letter and left. Thing is, I havent actually opened the letter yet. im a bit scared too to be honest, cause im afraid its just going to be empty promises and declarations of love.... so now im just as confused as before!

If it is full of undying love don't fall for it. It will all be lovely for a couple of weeks and then things will be back to square one again. Only you will feel more angry with yourself for wasting another 2 weeks of your life. Decide what you want to do now and stick to it. In my circles theres a nickname for a man like this and it's "the persuader". Treats you like dirt until you retaliate, apologisies then you get flowers, chocolates and undying love. Then he slowly slips back into the old routine and the whole process happens again.

black-saturn

troo wrote:

:rotfl:

Just leave it then, cover it with a book or something so it can't see you :rotfl:

Open it when you're ready.

Personally I wouldnt even open it. I would have made my mind up by now and be sticking to it. I wouldnt want any letter to make me think something different.

vik6525

Hi again... well, ive hidden the letter in the cupboard for the time being. Ive got a horrible feeling its going to be full of undying love and all that malarky and, as im still feeling pretty fragile, i just know ill end up ringing him to come over and stuff. im going to leave it, and him there until Ive figured out 100% whats best for me. Im still pretty confused at the moment. On the one hand, my house is lovely and clean (and the toilet seat is down!), im enjoying being on my own (my little one is with his dad til tomorrow morning), im enjoying the peace and quiet (its like living in an arcade here sometimes what with his computr games and my little ones cartoons)... but, and its a big but and why im so confused, I really do miss him.

black-saturn

PM me if you want but are you sur your not just missing company? If you invited a friend over would you feel better? Wouldn't company from a man that loves you be better than this?

pandas66

time for a bath and a takeaway!

and a large glass of vino!


and stop pacing up and down!

tru

I would have opened it straight away, while I was still angry. If it was full of lovey dovey hearts and flowers, I would have told him what a bunch of toss it was and HOW DARE YOU try to worm your way back like that.

But that's just me, troo-no-patience-and-doesn't-think-before-she-reacts

vik6525

black-saturn wrote:

PM me if you want but are you sur your not just missing company? If you invited a friend over would you feel better? Wouldn't company from a man that loves you be better than this?

Im one of those really rare people who actually cherishes time on my own and at times like this i positively crave it! Ive got lots of friends and family, and my house is like a drop in centre sometimes, theres always people popping in here for a chat and a cuppa, so its nice to have a bit of silence so i can think in peace. I think i have to work out whether i actually do miss 'him', or if its just his presence i miss (i know its sounds daft, but hes become like part of the furniture these last couple of weeks!)...

vik6525

troo wrote:

I would have opened it straight away, while I was still angry. If it was full of lovey dovey hearts and flowers, I would have told him what a bunch of toss it was and HOW DARE YOU try to worm your way back like that.

But that's just me, troo-no-patience-and-doesn't-think-before-she-reacts

lol! the weird thing is, im not at all angry today... i actually feel calmer about everything than i have done in a long while... i think it may be that its because i feel in control now (If he wants me back, then its going to have to be on MY terms sort of thing....?)

sparklymessygirl

Hey Vik,

It could be you are missing the IDEA of him (the nice and loving him) - don't forget that for the last X months you have had him in your house and STILL been damn lonely.

Don't rush into anything. Have a lovely evening to yourself. Try and enjoy being you and not his other half - mind you with your son gone it must be doubly difficult because I think a lot of mothers are at a loss to think about themselves when their kids are away. I am guessing this last bit! as I don't yet have kids but I am a mother to two dogs (I know it's not the same but I feel bereft on the odd occasion when I am in and they are not.......sounds like they have a social life - what I mean is when they are in kennels! lol!)

So enough rambling - sending you a big hug!
Sparkly x

vik6525

sparklymessygirl wrote:

Hey Vik,

It could be you are missing the IDEA of him (the nice and loving him) - don't forget that for the last X months you have had him in your house and STILL been damn lonely.

Don't rush into anything. Have a lovely evening to yourself. Try and enjoy being you and not his other half - mind you with your son gone it must be doubly difficult because I think a lot of mothers are at a loss to think about themselves when their kids are away. I am guessing this last bit! as I don't yet have kids but I am a mother to two dogs (I know it's not the same but I feel bereft on the odd occasion when I am in and they are not.......sounds like they have a social life - what I mean is when they are in kennels! lol!)

So enough rambling - sending you a big hug!
Sparkly x

I think thats my big dilemma really... when hes not here do i actually miss HIM, or do i miss the idea of him, from my memories of when things were really good (if you know what i mean...) The mind plays cruel tricks sometimes....