bit of advice about teenager who's lying and stealing

Lunar_Eclipse

RoxieW wrote: »

Agree with lunar - but I've given up now!

Me too.

Horace

When she steals take her to the police station, don't bail her out by paying for stuff that she has broken or stolen from others. She has to learn, a stern chat at the police station may do the trick and as for replacing items, she should get a Saturday job and earn the money to replace items that she has broken or stolen.

I was a teenager once and can remember what it was like - I scrumped some apples once and the gamekeeper used rock salt in his shotgun, it stings like hell:eek: I got a clip from my parents for that one as one of my mates dobbed. I didn't do it again.

Perhaps a clip round the ear is what she needs?

Oldernotwiser

Having high expectations of people is a good thing; one of the problems in schools today is that many teachers have low expectations of their pupils.

When someone like the OP is doing so many right things and the step daughter is doing so many wrong it's very hard to tell her that SHE has to be the one to change. I find that very unhelpful, having been in a similar situation. Of course there'll be less conflict if the child is never punished and is praised where no praise is warranted but it's not what I think is the right way to bring up a child!

RoxieW

Horace wrote: »

When she steals take her to the police station, don't bail her out by paying for stuff that she has broken or stolen from others. She has to learn, a stern chat at the police station may do the trick and as for replacing items, she should get a Saturday job and earn the money to replace items that she has broken or stolen.

I was a teenager once and can remember what it was like - I scrumped some apples once and the gamekeeper used rock salt in his shotgun, it stings like hell:eek: I got a clip from my parents for that one as one of my mates dobbed. I didn't do it again.

Perhaps a clip round the ear is what she needs?

And perhaps she'll mention it whilst at the police station and get the nspcc/social services involved. Or maybe she'll hit someone else - and of course get into big trouble.

I really hope this post was sarcastic - cos hitting a child around the head is just plain wrong!

Uniscots97

Horace wrote: »

When she steals take her to the police station, don't bail her out by paying for stuff that she has broken or stolen from others. She has to learn, a stern chat at the police station may do the trick and as for replacing items, she should get a Saturday job and earn the money to replace items that she has broken or stolen.

I was a teenager once and can remember what it was like - I scrumped some apples once and the gamekeeper used rock salt in his shotgun, it stings like hell:eek: I got a clip from my parents for that one as one of my mates dobbed. I didn't do it again.

Perhaps a clip round the ear is what she needs?

She's had that clip round the ear and reported her Dad falsely for hitting her (to the extreme). She got a fright what that brought legally but 2 years on she seems to have forgotten all this and how she felt (reduced to tears as she told the authorites she'd lied as she thought it would be funny). The police station is a good idea. She doesn't have any respect for other people's property but different story usually for her clothes and make up (though not for her room, posters, books tc). By law she's too young for a saturday job (we asked about, most wouldn't touch her till she's 16), though we have said if she wants to work her debt off faster she could get a paper round once she moves. This wasn't warmly welcomed as you may imagine.

RoxieW

Oldernotwiser wrote: »

As far as stealing goes, have you thought of taking her down to the police station? When our lad stole from our electrician we did this and he was given a VERY stern talking to - quite chilling actually. I don't think he totally stopped but he's now 23 with no criminal record which seems a wonder to me.

What makes you so sure that you've brought your children up the 'right way'? :rolleyes: You're surprised that your son has no criminal record?!

RoxieW

unixgirluk wrote: »

She's had that clip round the ear and reported her Dad falsely for hitting her (to the extreme). She got a fright what that brought legally but 2 years on she seems to have forgotten all this and how she felt (reduced to tears as she told the authorites she'd lied as she thought it would be funny). The police station is a good idea. She doesn't have any respect for other people's property but different story usually for her clothes and make up (though not for her room, posters, books tc). By law she's too young for a saturday job (we asked about, most wouldn't touch her till she's 16), though we have said if she wants to work her debt off faster she could get a paper round once she moves. This wasn't warmly welcomed as you may imagine.

God this just gets better. I feel sorry for the poor girl.

tamarto

Oldernotwiser wrote: »

Of course there'll be less conflict if the child is never punished and is praised where no praise is warranted but it's not what I think is the right way to bring up a child!

I haven't seen anyone say that's what should happen

Uniscots97

RoxieW wrote: »

And perhaps she'll mention it whilst at the police station and get the nspcc/social services involved. Or maybe she'll hit someone else - and of course get into big trouble.

I really hope this post was sarcastic - cos hitting a child around the head is just plain wrong!

We don't believe in violence. The clip around the ear was an accident and she even told the authorities that she'd tried to dash off after the incident and her Dad caught her. She was told at the time by the authorities how stupid it was to tell lies like she did as it had wasted police and other authorities time when another child could be in real danger. At the time she was really sorry and it seemed to really hit home how much damage her lies could do, fast forward a couple of years and its like she never got that warning (from the authorities). Its almost as though she doesn't remember but we know she does. Oh and she has hit someone else and she did get into a lot of trouble for it.

RoxieW

How can a clip round the ear be an accident?