bit of advice about teenager who's lying and stealing

Uniscots97

RoxieW wrote: »

God this just gets better. I feel sorry for the poor girl.

She made up stories and explained she did it to get noticed and be the top dog amongst the gang she hung about with and because she thought it would be funny (their families don't give a hoot so she wanted to be just like them), what on earth is right about that?

jay11_2

Horace wrote: »

When she steals take her to the police station, don't bail her out by paying for stuff that she has broken or stolen from others. She has to learn, a stern chat at the police station may do the trick and as for replacing items, she should get a Saturday job and earn the money to replace items that she has broken or stolen.

I was a teenager once and can remember what it was like - I scrumped some apples once and the gamekeeper used rock salt in his shotgun, it stings like hell:eek: I got a clip from my parents for that one as one of my mates dobbed. I didn't do it again.

Perhaps a clip round the ear is what she needs?

Were you abandoned by your mum, and constantly told how bad you were by all those who should love and accept you.

I'd agree, take her to the police if you want to lose her--if it doesn't work what then, juvie hall complete with drugs and more being beaten up? Perfect:eek: (Do think what you'll do if things you try don't work)

Unixgirl, you've been given excellent advice, and rejected most of it what do you think you should do? What has worked in the past, however fleetingly?

Good luck, jay

Uniscots97

RoxieW wrote: »

How can a clip round the ear be an accident?

angry drunk child trys to lash out (explained earlier she sparked a police search for her after lying and saying she was staying at a friends house) and runs past, parent tries to grab hold of them. The police told us they seen it many many times, the child's already in trouble so tries to blame the parent.

Uniscots97

jay11 wrote: »

Were you abandoned by your mum, and constantly told how bad you were by all those who should love and accept you.

I'd agree, take her to the police if you want to lose her--if it doesn't work what then, juvie hall complete with drugs and more being beaten up? Perfect:eek: (Do think what you'll do if things you try don't work)

Unixgirl, you've been given excellent advice, and rejected most of it what do you think you should do? What has worked in the past, however fleetingly?

Good luck, jay

Jay, I haven't rejected it. I have commented on the posts where the advice given I think would work. Yes we are looking into counselling. I spoke to someone earlier today to get something set up but even she agreed you can't let bad behaviour go!

Uniscots97

Thanks to the lovely person who PM'd me about Parentline Plus, I'll contact them as well.

Lunar_Eclipse

unixgirluk wrote: »

Jay, I haven't rejected it. I have commented on the posts where the advice given I think would work. Yes we are looking into counselling. I spoke to someone earlier today to get something set up but even she agreed you can't let bad behaviour go!

Yes. Police and Counsellers spring to mind.

But I think Jay was wondering what changes (plural) you and your OH have decided to do differently with 'your' child? ie those that do not involve further rejection (by passing the buck to others) but embracement and handling of the issue.

I'm starting to understand how she feels.

:mad:

Bye!

Uniscots97

I have already answered that one. We tried last night to get her involved and we'll keep trying. I came on here asking for support and answers.

jay11_2

unixgirluk wrote: »

Thanks Jay, I do try and reassure her. When she asked for help with her computing class of course I helped her. I try and involve her in things in the house too. I taught her to make her 2 favourite dishes and have taught her how to bake. She loves baking and sudoku (I taught her) but I can't do those things with her all the time.
I realise it must be hard for her that people turn away from her, but then again I can't blame some of them because of the way she's treated them. She doesn't like saying sorry. I think she was surprised my godson didn't turn his back on her, I only hope she doesn't inadvertently turn it into a contest to see if she can push him away (seen a few adults do this).

I think you're trying hard and do care. It's difficult--but teenagers, some are very difficult, and then: they don't say sorry, they just don't--tell them you think they should, and why, then leave it. They don't want to watch DVDs with family--tell them you'd love it if they would, and enjoy their company, then leave it. Keep reinforcing the right messages, and they do go in, just doesn't seem like it.

Of course you can't do things with her all the time, and I feel for you as you're picking up what her mum should be doing, it's unfair on you and the daughter, so good on you. When we feel low, someone putting themselves out means sooo much (that might mean sacrificing other things to meet her needs when she asks you). It's an awful situation, but you don't want to look back in a couple of years and wish you'd just done that bit more--when it's too late.

xx jay

RoxieW

Either he clipped her around the ear which you said in an earlier post, or he tried (and failed??) to grab her? Something doesn't quite add up here. I'm at a loss as to how trying to grab someone can turn into a 'clip round the ear'.

RoxieW

unixgirluk wrote: »

I have already answered that one. We tried last night to get her involved and we'll keep trying. I came on here asking for support and answers.

I think lunar is feeling frustrated - as am I. You've had a lot of advice but, as jay said, you've rejected most of it. Apart from send her to a shrink or to the police station.