Whiffy In-Law

asea

Is there anyway she could be pursuaded to go to counselling? She may have a problem that she cannot talk to people that she knows. There might be something very deep-rooted & painful for her which makes her the way that she is, it does sound like she needs professional help really. Good luck OP this sounds like such an impossible situation!

Slinky

You say she has never had a boyfriend, could it be that whilst she or you might think she wants one she's actually scared about being in a relationship? Could she be using her lack of attractiveness to the opposite (or same) sex by being grubby to keep people from getting to know her. Is it actually a form of defence mechanism?

miserly_mum

Slinky wrote: »

You say she has never had a boyfriend, could it be that whilst she or you might think she wants one she's actually scared about being in a relationship? Could she be using her lack of attractiveness to the opposite (or same) sex by being grubby to keep people from getting to know her. Is it actually a form of defence mechanism?

She has had plenty of experience with the opposite sex (i'm trying to be tacul here) just never as boyfriend/girlfriend or in the context of a loving relationship. She's never been on a date which I find sad.

Slinky

Sounds like problems with feelings of low self-worth.

bestpud

Slinky wrote: »

You say she has never had a boyfriend, could it be that whilst she or you might think she wants one she's actually scared about being in a relationship? Could she be using her lack of attractiveness to the opposite (or same) sex by being grubby to keep people from getting to know her. Is it actually a form of defence mechanism?

I must admit that crossed my mind too.

Given she clearly has a sex life but not relationships, it seems even more relevant. Has she had problems with men in the past?

She obviously lacks self esteem as most people would want to ensure they don't smell! Plus sleeping around is often (not always) associated with low self esteem.

It's very difficult - I don't envy you at all.

Has counselling ever been suggested to her, as it does seem like something she may benefit from. Has her GP mentioned it for example?

Of course, she could just be lazy and it's hard to change long standing habits like that. You taking a stand may well spur her on.

Hmm, basically I can't make my mind up! Can you tell?? :rotfl:

asea

I remember reading a (horrid) story recently of a man who basically let his wife die. She had the severest type of some kind of illness that made her totally neglect herself and he didn't help her in anyway & basically let her waste away on the sofa. I can't remember the name of this illness but they said that it was curable - perhaps somebody else can find the name of this illness - it could be similar?

bestpud

asea wrote: »

I remember reading a (horrid) story recently of a man who basically let his wife die. She had the severest type of some kind of illness that made her totally neglect herself and he didn't help her in anyway & basically let her waste away on the sofa. I can't remember the name of this illness but they said that it was curable - perhaps somebody else can find the name of this illness - it could be similar?

I'd forgotten about that case! I'd never heard of it before but yes, she couldn't even feed herself could she? Wonder if there are mild forms of it?

Ellie2758

There's something going on here I think. Does she have difficulty with things like social skills? What kind of job does she do?

bestpud

She's a carer in a nursing home I think, Ellie.

cupid_s

I don't think it sounds like just laziness because the OP has said she works very hard at her job and will work all hours. Not the actions of a lazy person, but also doesn't strike me as typical of depression (though I am sure it affects people differently)

Maybe she does need someone to sit down with her and really have a proper talk about why she doesn't wash - eh miserly_mum
just open the windows and light a few incense sticks beforehand