Whiffy In-Law

Bogof_Babe

I was just thinking along the phobia line, which is certainly a possibility. Do you think maybe she was locked in a bathroom as a punishment for something when she was young? Does she suffer from stiff joints that makes getting in and out of a bath painful?

Perhaps she would be happier with a shower, so that she doesn't feel submerged. It wouldn't cost a fortune to get a plumber/electrician to install one over the bath, if there isn't one already.

[Deleted User]

I know that if this was my brother who came round to my house and stank, i'd have to tell him straight out. No gentle prods, it would be a 'Brother, you need to sort out your personal hygiene as you are uncomfortable to be around. Your body odour is antisocial and you need to do something about it as you aren't welcome in my home until you do"

I think you need to really get your OH to push this home as it could be destroying her chance of having a normal life

miserly_mum

Bogof_Babe wrote: »

I was just thinking along the phobia line, which is certainly a possibility. Do you think maybe she was locked in a bathroom as a punishment for something when she was young? Does she suffer from stiff joints that makes getting in and out of a bath painful?

Perhaps she would be happier with a shower, so that she doesn't feel submerged. It wouldn't cost a fortune to get a plumber/electrician to install one over the bath, if there isn't one already.

She has beautiful bathroom with a walk in shower aswell as a bath and no bathroom wasn't used as punishment that OH can remember. ( I asked this too)

Physically she has no problems. I think this is the most frustrating part for us. There really are no excuses other than she must to some degree "like" being dirty. Unless there is a phobia of washing ? as there seems to be a phobia of almost everything.

I can cope with her visits as its not that often but I really do feel shes wasting her life and would love to see her starting to be invited out more. Maybe even meeting someone (i'm an old romantic). They say theres someone for everyone don't they?

The only good thing (if you can call it good)is at least her dirtiness has always been consistent and although not getting better isn't getting worse.

miserly_mum

There is actually a fear of washing/bathing/cleaning and its called ABLUTOPHOBIA

Bogof_Babe

http://66.102.9.104/search?q=cache:9Ilve0njQmgJ:www.changethatsrightnow.com/problem_detail_ab_test.asp%3FSDID%3D134:1334+ablutophobia+treatment&hl=en&ct=clnk&cd=2&gl=uk&lr=lang_en

Found this website about it. It's American so this particular treatment is probably not available here, although there are probably similar places in the UK.

It does prove that the problem is all bound up in emotional issues, not just being lazy or selfish. Worth pursuing if you have the time, as you do seem to care about your s-i-l and want her to have a better life.

Reggie_Rebel

Have you got a hose in your garden, or a kiddies paddling pool? (you might have to rinse the grease ring off afterwards)

If so, given a good weekend, it could be the ideal opportunity to play in the garden with the kids in the pool.

If she refuses turn the hose on her anyway

morganb

I would have a word with the Mum and hint that you think sister is depressed, that you are very concerned for her, have noticed that she hasn't been taking care of herself, etc.. Good luck!!!

miserly_mum

Reggie_Rebel wrote: »

Have you got a hose in your garden, or a kiddies paddling pool? (you might have to rinse the grease ring off afterwards)

If so, given a good weekend, it could be the ideal opportunity to play in the garden with the kids in the pool.

If she refuses turn the hose on her anyway

Strange you should suggest that as we are thinking of buying a big pool for the kids this summer. Maybe OH has ulterior motives :rolleyes:

bestpud

Well, she has been told gently, bluntly, been given toilettries, had a bath ran for her, been given anti-ds and advice by her GP, been warned at work, and been shunned (politely it seems) by friends and colleagues!

The one thing nobody seems to have done so far is act on their threats in a direct manner!!

She's not being invited out, but has she actually been told that it is because she stinks to high heaven?

Have her employers actually given her a written warning and perhaps suspended her while she sorts her hygiene out?

Have you or other family members actually ever told her she cannot join in if she doesn't get cleaned up?

I'm thinking she clearly does not want to sort this out and is disregarding those around her, even the ones who care deeply about her. But why would someone that set in her ways change when people are putting up with it and she still has her job, no matter what they say?

It's like moaning at a child to tidy their room but then letting it drop if they don't respond - they soon learn they can tolerate a bit of nagging so long as they don't have to get off their butt and clean their room!

Perhaps I'm way off but I think maybe she needs to experience some consequences?

miserly_mum

bestpud wrote: »

Well, she has been told gently, bluntly, been given toilettries, had a bath ran for her, been given anti-ds and advice by her GP, been warned at work, and been shunned (politely it seems) by friends and colleagues!

The one thing nobody seems to have done so far is act on their threats in a direct manner!!

She's not being invited out, but has she actually been told that it is because she stinks to high heaven?

Have her employers actually given her a written warning and perhaps suspended her while she sorts her hygiene out?

Have you or other family members actually ever told her she cannot join in if she doesn't get cleaned up?

I'm thinking she clearly does not want to sort this out and is disregarding those around her, even the ones who care deeply about her. But why would someone that set in her ways change when people are putting up with it and she still has her job, no matter what they say?

It's like moaning at a child to tidy their room but then letting it drop if they don't respond - they soon learn they can tolerate a bit of nagging so long as they don't have to get off their butt and clean their room!

Perhaps I'm way off but I think maybe she needs to experience some consequences?

You see I can't help thinking you've hit the nail on the head. I try to be as objective as I can on the subject but if i'm honest if it was one of my family then i'd tell them to clean up before they came to my house or not come at all.

Her work mates have told her Aunt why shes never invited out in the hope she can do something, but not directly to SIL.

Yes she has had verbal warning from her Manager but they do hang onto her because shes great at her job and will work almost any hours for them. They just sort of keep her out of the way at visiting times when the residents families are about (nursing home)

The family just kinda overlook it but don't exclude her from things unless she washes. Her Mum just won't go to her house anymore because she knows what its like and it upsets her too much.

I don't know if there is a solution to it but it's been really good to hear everyones opinions on the subject. I'm a softy deep down and vere between being disgusted by her and thinking she needs a swift kick up the wotsit.

Then at other times I feel sorry for her and try to find reasons for how she is because I couldn't live the way she does. On my own with no partner /friends/ love and affection.

I'm just in an awkward position as they aren't my family but I do agree that while everyone accepts how she is she will have no urge to change her ways