boyfriend says he can't upset wife!!!!

Jei70

caroleann wrote: »

She says, 'Hi Carole, Its ......, just to tell you Mike has been to see me and yes I agree to a divorce, <snip>

You are sure it was her? You recognised her voice, it couldn't have been someone else posing as his wife?

After all his earlier excuses, I would make doubly sure that the divorce is indeed going ahead!

ceridwen

Well ...that cynical thought had crossed my mind since - that suppose it was someone pretending to be her....but I'm inclined to think thats pondering on a step too far. Unless you have distinct little intuitive niggle getting at you re that - I reckon myself we can say it was her.

The daughter....well I'm not a parent myself. Difficult start position thats for sure...if she wont even meet you..Softly softly catchee monkey is the phrase I have in mind on that. Wondering whether you could start with (nice/carefully chosen) card and (maybe) a very carefully-chosen (not too mean, not too generous) present sent via Mike at birthday and Christmas times. Wondering whether a couple of months or so from now just a a very short, but nice note saying words to effect "you appreciate how she must be feeling - but should she ever wish to meet for a coffee - you would like that" (low-key type phrasing).

Life may provide you with a possibility if you keep your eyes open - ie perhaps some mature female needed type emergency and mother isnt around...hospital visit just for long enough to drop off card/flowers/very carefully chosen tiny present..just keep your eyes open (not wishing anything on the daughter obviously - but bad stuff has a way of happening in all our lives, as we know).

caroleann

Jei70 wrote: »

You are sure it was her? You recognised her voice, it couldn't have been someone else posing as his wife?

After all his earlier excuses, I would make doubly sure that the divorce is indeed going ahead!

I've never spoken to the woman before so as to recognising her voice, no I did'nt, but I'm 100% certain it was her, she had the believability factor and he wouldnt have known I would ask to speak to her so would'nt have had someone to step in and do that at a couple of minutes notice.
I'll be watching very carefully how the divorce goes as from now.

haylibo

Well Caroleann, I wasn't expecting that outcome. How scary to speak to the ex...I would have been floored.
What would really add a final twist to the tale would be for you to wake up one morning and decide that you don't actually fancy him that much after all lol.
Glad it's worked out this way for you - at last the dozy so-and-so got his head on straight

caroleann

haylibo wrote: »

Well Caroleann, I wasn't expecting that outcome. How scary to speak to the ex...I would have been floored.
What would really add a final twist to the tale would be for you to wake up one morning and decide that you don't actually fancy him that much after all lol.
Glad it's worked out this way for you - at last the dozy so-and-so got his head on straight

OMG:eek: dont say that!!!!!!!!

It was a strange experience I have to say, sprung on me out of the blue, never expected him to allow the two of us to speak, so he caught me off guard and that was probably the best way, if I'd had time to think about it I might have bottled it:o
Its been strange as we havent had any time together since Sunday to talk about things as he's been on nightshift from 5pm Sunday night and I wont see him till Wed night.
I must say how much better I feel now, like he's really mine and not still emotionally tied to her, dont think we'll rush into anything but it will be lovely for us to be both free agents.:j

haylibo

I'm sorry to admit that I would have been swept off my feet by his reaction. The line about feeling completely lost without you.....
Don't consider myself a softy but it would be lovely for it all to finally have a rosy, romantic ending I'm sure someone will be along soon to remind [STRIKE]me[/STRIKE] you to keep your feet firmly planted!
Hayles

glossgal

ceridwen wrote: »

Well ...that cynical thought had crossed my mind since - that suppose it was someone pretending to be her....but I'm inclined to think thats pondering on a step too far. Unless you have distinct little intuitive niggle getting at you re that - I reckon myself we can say it was her.

The daughter....well I'm not a parent myself. Difficult start position thats for sure...if she wont even meet you..Softly softly catchee monkey is the phrase I have in mind on that. Wondering whether you could start with (nice/carefully chosen) card and (maybe) a very carefully-chosen (not too mean, not too generous) present sent via Mike at birthday and Christmas times. Wondering whether a couple of months or so from now just a a very short, but nice note saying words to effect "you appreciate how she must be feeling - but should she ever wish to meet for a coffee - you would like that" (low-key type phrasing).

Life may provide you with a possibility if you keep your eyes open - ie perhaps some mature female needed type emergency and mother isnt around...hospital visit just for long enough to drop off card/flowers/very carefully chosen tiny present..just keep your eyes open (not wishing anything on the daughter obviously - but bad stuff has a way of happening in all our lives, as we know).

Please don't do this! I know ceridwen is trying to be helpful but as someone who was once on the recieving end of this scenario I found it deeply patronsing. I was a similar age when my dad had a new partner, he was with her for a couple of years and she would occassionally buy me gifts and I'd be expected to ring and thank her! (which I refused to do) To this day I have never met the woman!! My father handled the whole thing spectacularly badly, Ive no idea why we couldn't actually be introduced but to be bought gifts by someone you don't know is not going to impress an adult child, probably make her more hostile.

Im pleased things seem to be back on track but I dunno.. it seems bit fishy to me? This unreasonable monster of a woman gets on the phone and says "yeah whatever, have a nice life"? I hope Im being cynical and of course wish you the best OP!

caroleann

glossgal wrote: »

Please don't do this! I know ceridwen is trying to be helpful but as someone who was once on the recieving end of this scenario I found it deeply patronsing. I was a similar age when my dad had a new partner, he was with her for a couple of years and she would occassionally buy me gifts and I'd be expected to ring and thank her! (which I refused to do) To this day I have never met the woman!! My father handled the whole thing spectacularly badly, Ive no idea why we couldn't actually be introduced but to be bought gifts by someone you don't know is not going to impress an adult child, probably make her more hostile.

Im pleased things seem to be back on track but I dunno.. it seems bit fishy to me? This unreasonable monster of a woman gets on the phone and says "yeah whatever, have a nice life"? I hope Im being cynical and of course wish you the best OP!

Thank you for your advice from the horse's mouth ( As it were ) I will take that on board and hopefully in a while when things have calmed down, we can actually meet, without standing on ceremony of course.

I dont ever remember me saying she was an unreasonable monster, and it was said with a lot more sincerity than you've quoted, she actually said, 'I wish you both all the best for the future' which I then reciprocated.
I think cynicism is creeping in big time:eek:

caroleann

haylibo wrote: »

I'm sorry to admit that I would have been swept off my feet by his reaction. The line about feeling completely lost without you.....
Don't consider myself a softy but it would be lovely for it all to finally have a rosy, romantic ending I'm sure someone will be along soon to remind [strike]me[/strike] you to keep your feet firmly planted!
Hayles

Hi Hayles,
Thank you, I dont think I will EVER erase that message from my phone, it was so heartfelt and genuine, you were right about someone coming along and 'trying' to keep my feet firmly planted on the ground, they cant :j , I'm walking on air and it feels great :T

PENNYWISE_3

Hi Caroleann,

Glad it's all starting to work itself out, what a result, I guess he just needed to realise what he could lose by sticking his head in the sand. Wish you lots of luck & happiness in the future x