boyfriend says he can't upset wife!!!!

caroleann

Thanks Girls,
You are all so supporting to me and I have to tell you it means the world to me, have kept the tears at bay today and also sent him an e mail, telling him that any man who would end a year long relationship by text and E mail is not worth a light and that I'm worth more than that, that he's not to bother coming here to pick up any of his things including all my motorbike gear that he bought for me only a month ago, its my 'Compensation'
Thats all I have to say to that man, and K1mmie you are so right, seperated is a funny word and covers a lot of different situations. would'nt get involved with any seperated men again, could honestly say I wouldn't be surprised if I find he's gone back to her, he's given up his flat and as from tomorrow morning he is homeless!!!! does that sound coincidental or is it just me being suspicious??? I'd love your opinions and thank you to everyone.

elona

carolanne

I think your suspicions are right.

You deserve better and I hope you get it.

Maz

Oh you poor love!

Along with everyone else, I'm sending you my ((hugs)). What a coward to do this to you in such a way. I hope your heart heals soon sweetie.

k1mmie

I think you have to say to yourself how lucky you are that you found out now rather than further down the line. I think your suspicions are right, he probably has gone back to her and it would not surprise me if he dumped you by email because she wanted proof that he had done it. I know been there and done that!
I cannot compare my case to yours as you had a relationship for a reasonable time with him. My husband had just started to feel the water.

However what I will mirror is that as soon as I gave him an ultimatum, and told him I knew, he never contacted her again.

When I told him he was a coward and that he owed her an apology for misleading her, he said it was never his intention to leave me.

Don't beat yourself up on thinking what if - or what he is up to. Move on and pick yourself up and prove you are better than that. He will not be thinking of the effect this has on you, only of saving himself.

Good luck for the future and we all hope to get a posting letting us know when you have found someone whom appreciates you and puts you first.

All the best.

JoKay_2

Hi Carolanne

I too followed your thread from earlier in the year, but didn't post my support then, and having just found this thread had been revived in my quick links, my heart was in my mouth hoping it wasn't bad news.

Not much I can say that hasn't been said by all the other lovely posters already, other than the pain will eventually go away and YOU ARE DEFINITELY WORTH MORE THAN HIM!!!

Jo x

Tashja

Oh no

Just read this from start to finish and my tummy was up and down like a rollercoaster for you

I really hope you are ok - sending you big ((hugs)).

T xx

caroleann

Hiya, have been through an emotional rollercoaster today, kept it together til 5pm when i went out into the garden in the sunshine with a glass of wine, havent had a thing to eat today either, i had a cd playing and 'If you go away 'started to play and I lost it, hot tears in abundance, when i heard the lines 'when i talk to your eyes that I love so much' he has the most fantastic dark brown eyes, i was alone so just let them flow.
Cant believe only 3 days ago he was telling me he loved me and now i'm nothing to him.

Js_Other_Half

caroleann wrote: »

Hiya, have been through an emotional rollercoaster today, kept it together til 5pm when i went out into the garden in the sunshine with a glass of wine, havent had a thing to eat today .

Cry as much as you need to tonight - and have a glass of wine or two. Once you've slept tonight, treat tomorrow as a new start. Do try and have some food little and often. Basically be kind to yourself - you've had a shock and need some time to recover.

He may well still have feelings for you - and I think you believe that- but if he's not strong enough after a year to make a choice, then he never will. Feel sorry for him if you want, but move on with your own life.

<hugs>

caroleann

Js_Other_Half wrote: »

Cry as much as you need to tonight - and have a glass of wine or two. Once you've slept tonight, treat tomorrow as a new start. Do try and have some food little and often. Basically be kind to yourself - you've had a shock and need some time to recover.

He may well still have feelings for you - and I think you believe that- but if he's not strong enough after a year to make a choice, then he never will. Feel sorry for him if you want, but move on with your own life.

<hugs>

Thanks so much, Js_Other_Half, you are so sensitive. I am in shock, need to talk to him, he hasn't allowed me that luxury, one minute my best friend then my enemy, cant get my head around it, its like having your'e right arm cut off and everyone expecting you to still function as normal. have to work tomorrow, good acting skills will have to be caled upon.

margaretclare

caroleann wrote: »

Thanks so much, Js_Other_Half, you are so sensitive. I am in shock, need to talk to him, he hasn't allowed me that luxury, one minute my best friend then my enemy, can't get my head around it, it's like having your right arm cut off and everyone expecting you to still function as normal. have to work tomorrow, good acting skills will have to be called upon.

No, you do NOT need to talk to him!!! I cannot emphasise that point strongly enough. If I was near enough I'd give you a good shake and then a hug. You DO NOT need to talk to him!! Have I made myself clear?

All you are doing, by 'wanting to talk' to him, is prolonging the agony, putting yourself through more of the 'shall I shan't I, will he won't he' that you've had in recent months. Walk away. End it - NOW. Today is the start of the rest of your life. As my DH's 'Bubba' used to say (and goodness knows, she should know) - you wipe your mouth and you move on. Do your crying - I know you'll do some in time to come. It's just the same as a bereavement, but please do not go back trying to reopen an old wound. Give the wound chance to heal. Don't keep poking at it to see if it still hurts.

Do NOT give him any more opportunity to pull your strings. Please!!! Listen to someone who has been there, seen it, done it, someone from another generation who has done a lotta living (even though I've got some still to do!)

With very best and sincerest wishes