boyfriend says he can't upset wife!!!!

caroleann

Hi everyone,
I have two problems really, have been with my boyfriend 9 months, he has been seperated from his wife for 17 months, we want to spend the future together as a couple, problem is his wife , on hearing that he had a girlfriend and wanted a divorce, has turned nasty and said that she wants his pension, it has stopped him in his tracks as he is scared at the amount of money he could now lose, everything has been put on hold so as not to 'Upset the wife'.

He wont talk about it and says we have to wait till she calms down, and also it will upset his kids, 17.19.21 and 23!!!!!!!

So do I wait in the side lines so as not to upset anyone or tell him to 'Get Real' and sort it out?

Please help me, i'm struggling,

Caroleann

affordmylife

you ve only been together such a short time. he was obviously with his wife in excess of twenty years so i think you need to take a step back and give them all some time to adjust.

if it is true love then you will win in the end.

KittyKate

You haven't done anything 'wrong' but unfortunately, in my opinion, a bit of patience may be required here. And yes that is a nice way of saying that until he has sorted his business you may feel second fiddle for a while. In the grand scheme of things, he has been with his wife, what, at the very least, 24 years. You have only been seeing him 9 months. I'm not at all disputing how you feel for each other, but he does owe her (and however unreasonable she chooses to be - she may be acting in this way through jealousy, or at the realisation he is no longer hers, etc) a clean break.

She doesn't own his time, nor can she dictate whom he sees. You are doing nothing wrong by being couple, and I cannot see any divorce court granting any more or less based on his actions months after the breakdown of the marriage. My advice is to keep it low-key, try not to upset her, and bide your time. Sometimes it's unfair, but piling further pressure on him at a difficult time like this would not help either of you.

caroleann

Thank you Kittykate,

Its so helpful to hear your views and get things into prospective, your'e right, I'm being too pushy and demanding, just needed to hear it from someone not connected to the situation, I'll step back from right now, don't want to lose him or push him away,

Patience is a virtue, possess it if you can, seldom found in women and never in a mam!

Cheers, Carole:beer:

Errata

Might be worth pointing out to him that his wife can divorce him in about 3 and a half years time whether he agrees to it or not, and after such a long marriage be awarded part of his pension.

nearlyrich

After such a long marriage the financial settlement will almost definitely include sharing the pension, she has possibly sacrificed her earning potential to bring up the 4 children?

As affordmylife says if it's true love you will be together but he should be fair to his ex when sharing out the assetts.

seven-day-weekend

He really can't expect to divorce his wife of over twenty years with no financial implications!

haylibo

I wouldn't worry about it peeps, caroleann is over on the pensions board asking further details about his pension, how much of the house he has already given his wife, whether this can be offset against future claims etc. Seems she has a keen interest in his money.

ManAtHome

Sharing property, pensions, and even future earnings is nothing new, and nothing to do with anyone "turning nasty" (solicitors would advise it anyway). Sounds like somebody's quite keen on having and eating cake...

Errata

haylibo wrote: »

I wouldn't worry about it peeps, caroleann is over on the pensions board asking further details about his pension, how much of the house he has already given his wife, whether this can be offset against future claims etc. Seems she has a keen interest in his money.

Forewarned is forearmed :rotfl:

haylibo

Errata lolol, so true but....there's something a bit icky....
None of my beeswax.