boyfriend says he can't upset wife!!!!

pulliptears

Can I ask a daft question?

Do he and his wife still live together?

pinkshoes

I'd say chill out, as you must've got together with him just 3 months after your own husband left you, and you've only been together 9 months!! Not to mention all the stress you went through with your (ex?) husband and him not wanting to be contacted!!

If she raised their children, then of course she'll get a share of his pension, as it's only fair, as it prevented her building up her own pension pot. I don't think he can deny her that, as it's a bit unfair. The court will decide if the % property split will be enough to offset the pension... but he'll need to divorce her first!

emmy05

oo well i would honestly be wondering about when id get to spend time with him as an 'un' married man rather than the fact of what he would lose out 'financially' if i really liked him that much, but then thats just me.....

Errata

Ah well, true colours may be displayed by all parties in due course. Which no doubt will put the characters of all concerned under the spotlight.

Spendless

Are you 100% sure their relationship is over. I'm asking cos my seperated boyfriend used to claim the same sort of things were delaying him becoming divorced and us being together. Evntually we split up. Many years later, I discovered his 'seperated' wife had really been his current wife.:rolleyes:

ceridwen

The word "separated" is very much a moveable feast. Some "separated" people ARE separated - others are just temporarily apart and about to have a reconciliation. Of course - there could be an even worse scenario - they are totally lying when they say they are separated (as in they are still under the same roof and living as "man and wife").

I think a lot of us have got caught on that one. Years ago I went out with a man who said he was separated. I believed him - and had even visited his house. I did think it was a teensy bit odd one or two of her possessions were clearly visible in the house and he was still wearing a signet ring on his wedding ring finger - but still believed him that he was separated (well - one can be naive when young:o ). So - they had an attempted reconciliation (and I got chucked by him so he could do so). The reconciliation didnt work in the event - but that was the end of that anyway between him and me.

So - ever since I have been a bit cynical about any man who says he is separated (and yes I know some of them really will be - but how does one tell the difference between "separated" and "REALLY separated"?)

zoelouise88

if it was me i would tell him to get on with it! but im an impatient person i couldnt just wait around and put evrything on hold just so his wife and children dont get upset, if his children were younger then it would be understandable.

mademoiselle_2

Experiencing overwhelming urge to contribute my two cents worth.....can't..fight...it! :lipsrseal

I may not have learned much through life, but I have two very self-evident TRUTHS that I must share with you. You can either go through the pain and misery of ignoring them...or you can listen.

1/ Never never never never never never start up a relationship until the old relationship is finished. ON BOTH SIDES. There are NO exclusions, ifs or buts. Don't listen to baloney! There is no 'separated'! There is Divorced. Or not! The term 'separated' is a euphemism married men use to get their end away.

2/ Never never never never never get drawn into fighting a man's custody/childcare/alimony/distribution of assets battles, on his behalf. That way madness lies. HIS problem. Not yours. Step aside. You know it makes sense!

*steps down from soapbox*

moanymoany

mademoiselle wrote: »

Experiencing overwhelming urge to contribute my two cents worth.....can't..fight...it! :lipsrseal

I may not have learned much through life, but I have two very self-evident TRUTHS that I must share with you. You can either go through the pain and misery of ignoring them...or you can listen.

1/ Never never never never never never start up a relationship until the old relationship is finished. ON BOTH SIDES. There are NO exclusions, ifs or buts. Don't listen to baloney! There is no 'separated'! There is Divorced. Or not! The term 'separated' is a euphemism married men use to get their end away.

2/ Never never never never never get drawn into fighting a man's custody/childcare/alimony/distribution of assets battles, on his behalf. That way madness lies. HIS problem. Not yours. Step aside. You know it makes sense!

*steps down from soapbox*

As an ex family law solicitor mademoiselle, I can tell you that you are ABSOLUTELY RIGHT.

The number of women who came into my office with their 'new' man, frothing and foaming because 'it wasn't fair' how much the ex and children were getting! 'What aboiut MY child and children' they would say. I used to grit my teeth and resist the urge to tell them that they were well aware there was another family he had the responsibility for. AND SO DID HE! :rolleyes:

Chap OH used to work with fell head over heels with a young, beautiful woman. Left his wife and family and moved in with her.

Five years later he was father to a toddler and baby, tantrums and sleepless nights, he looked constantly haggard. New wife now mother - gloss worn off. Ex wife now working, children left home/at uni, new man with money, looking great with the tan from the holidays.

JUSTICE!

Sola

mademoiselle wrote: »

1/ Never never never never never never start up a relationship until the old relationship is finished. ON BOTH SIDES. There are NO exclusions, ifs or buts. Don't listen to baloney! There is no 'separated'! There is Divorced. Or not! The term 'separated' is a euphemism married men use to get their end away.

2/ Never never never never never get drawn into fighting a man's custody/childcare/alimony/distribution of assets battles, on his behalf. That way madness lies. HIS problem. Not yours. Step aside. You know it makes sense!

1. We must be the example that goes against this then. I met DH when he was separated but they were still living under the same roof; I met his wife and her new boyfriend, and it took 6 months for them to sell the house, but the marriage was definitely over. Had I caught a hint that it wasn't, I wouldn't have got involved.

2. This I agree with; she is entitled to a portion of DH's pension accrued during the years they were married, and it's none of my business.