boyfriend says he can't upset wife!!!!

caroleann

belfastgirl23 wrote: »

On the children, just to say that adult children might find all this even harder than younger children since they're old enough to know exactly what divorce means. I think how he treats his ex will also impact directly on how his children view him (they're old enough to know who is and isn't behaving fairly) and this is bound to be playing a part in his thoughts.

Personally I don't think any of it is really to do with the money it's to do with you feeling or not feeling that he is committed to your relationship. I'd focus on that and on the quality of time and interaction you have between the two of you than on the ex....

PS we cross posted I reckon there's no substitute for talking to him but focussed very much on you and him and leaving the other issues aside. Maybe he's not ready for another full on relationship yet? But I'd really bite my tongue on mentioning the ex.

Thank God someone realises its NOTHING to do with money, its frustration and hurt that he wont talk to her about a divorce, Why????
Something I haven't told you all is I found a receipt in his pocket of a coat I bought him for Xmas as I was hanging it up in my wardrobe, it was a receipt from Costa Coffee for three people in York for January this year, he never told me he'd gone to York and I woke up with him and went to sleep with him on the same day, when confronted he denied it then said he'd had a run through with his son, when i asked who the third person was he again denied there was anyone else with them, eventually he admitted it was his wife and he'd taken them to York for medicals as they are intending to emigrate to Australia, as a favour and so as not to upset me as I would have made a scene!!!! Opinions please?????

dmg24

caroleann wrote: »

Yes im the original poster, had to re register for some reason today when i tried to log on, but my user name should be the same, Caroleann.

Understand! I was confused because you were Caroleann, but now you are caroleann ... makes sense now! x

caroleann

Sorry for the confusion, should have put a capital C in my name and would have saved me a lot of hassle, thanks to you all for your input into my problem, its helping me make sense of this whole situation, need a reaction on the receipt thing.......

Errata

So he didn't fess up about who he had coffee with straight off when you asked him? And he actually lied about it to begin with? And he can predict with 100% accuracy how you will react to any given situation?

My reaction to the above is that there's a bit too much finagling and fancy footwork going on in what should be a mature, honest and trusting relationship. But that's just my opinion.

caroleann

Yes, It was horrible to be lied to and it has shaken my trust in him, I think your'e all right, I'm being treat like a bit on the side and need to back off and get some space of my own again, not be so available, will start tomorrow by telling him i want to spend the day on my own, im on holiday this week so can do my own thing, cheers:beer:

shazrobo

carlanne, me and my bf have been together for almost 15 months, and he and his ex split about 6 months before we met, and he uses the pension, and money worries as a reason to not get divorced. they live seperatly too. we have had our arguments over this as well as other things.
have no advice for you hun, just to say your not alone.
i'm currently sick of the situation at the mo, but theres other probs too.
big hugs
shaz x

Errata

caroleann wrote: »

Yes, It was horrible to be lied to and it has shaken my trust in him, I think your'e all right, I'm being treat like a bit on the side and need to back off and get some space of my own again, not be so available, will start tomorrow by telling him i want to spend the day on my own, im on holiday this week so can do my own thing, cheers:beer:

Best wishes, you're working your way through it and will come to an outcome which is best for you. Take care.

caroleann

shazrobo wrote: »

carlanne, me and my bf have been together for almost 15 months, and he and his ex split about 6 months before we met, and he uses the pension, and money worries as a reason to not get divorced. they live seperatly too. we have had our arguments over this as well as other things.
have no advice for you hun, just to say your not alone.
i'm currently sick of the situation at the mo, but theres other probs too.
big hugs
shaz x

Hi Shaz,
We're in the same boat!!!!! What is with men? Why cant they just be up front with us?
Keep the faith girl, keep in touch, we'll help each other.

caroleann

margaretclare wrote: »

Oh caroleann. I don't know how best to support you or advise you, although I do feel for you. I think the others are right in what they say.

Just....cool it a bit, perhaps? Not be quite so available to him? He sounds as if he 'wants it all', his marriage, and you on the side there for when he wants. Now you're getting through your own divorce, it could be that, as the late Princess Diana said, you need another marriage 'like a rash'. Start to develop some interests of your own and perhaps don't be there when he comes round/phones, whatever. Or you could say to him 'I think we need a bit of space. I think things have been getting a bit too heavy and I'd rather not.' Just leave it like that, it's putting the ball back into his court and leaving yourself free.

Does that help?

Margaret

Hi Margaret,
Thank you for your wise words, I'm going to back off from the relationship as suggested, he has his cake and is eating it, i can see that now, need to take myself away from him to make him realise I'm not going to be used and walked over, will keep you posted. xxx

ceridwen

I dont know how old you are...but presumably you are hoping for a "lifetime" relationship (I'm saying this speaking from my own viewpoint - as are we all of course)....if he really wants you, then he will come for you...try and sit back and chill.....

Yes......I know its (incredibly) difficult - been there!!!!