boyfriend says he can't upset wife!!!!

emmy05

must be the linda mccartney greed catching on with some people


haha! try heather! think i ought to go back to sleep, but someone makes us work!

AnnieH

emmy05 wrote: »

must be the linda mccartney greed catching on with some people

Surely you mean heather? I don't hear Linda mccartney ,aking much of a fuss these days:rolleyes: :rotfl:

emmy05

AnnieH wrote: »

Surely you mean heather? I don't hear Linda mccartney ,aking much of a fuss these days:rolleyes: :rotfl:

:rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:


youre naughty spotting that lmfao!

hannahsmummy1

I met hubby when he was separated from his ex wife, i remember asking him when we first go together if he really was separated from her, which he was. I got with hubby way after they had split, him living elsewhere, her living in the marital home- as they have a child.

When they divorced- was mostly amicable, they sold the house, split it 50/50,so she got a nice chunk to put a deposit down & a bit left over, child maintenance was NEVER an issue hubby paid/pays way over what CSA say he should, he pays this to keep the CSA out of things and this works/has worked really well for us. The nasty bit came when ex wife wanted a chunk of hubbys pensions, she hadnt worked the whole time she was with hubby- before, during or after she had their child, when said child was born she never bothered with him (still doesnt really) when i came on the scene she was going to live abroad and he was going to come and live with us (we found out later she did this to see if i would run!) wasnt a prob for me, what was more of a prob was the fact that she would have quite happily done that to her child! So during the whole time they were married/together she hadnt paid a penny into everything.

So hubby told her she wasnt getting a penny of his pensions, pensions he had had long before she had come on the scene. I didnt get involved at all, didnt tell him what to do or anything- none of my business!

caroleann

haylibo wrote: »

I wouldn't worry about it peeps, caroleann is over on the pensions board asking further details about his pension, how much of the house he has already given his wife, whether this can be offset against future claims etc. Seems she has a keen interest in his money.

I cant see what I was doing wrong in looking up the facts on the penion rights of ex wives!!!!
This is all new to me and just want to be aware of the facts, rights ect, I want to know if I'm being strung a line, I dont want his money, I'm independant of him totally, have my own home, job, car, he doesn't live with me and has his own flat that yes, I have visited and no , there is no sign of another woman living there, im not stupid I have thought of these things, forewarned etc, only finding out facts.
I dont want him to diddle the wife out of what she's entitled to, but would rather he did it now and not try to slither out of his responsibilities by keeping his head down and hoping she and the problem will just go away.

caroleann

pulliptears wrote: »

Can I ask a daft question?

Do he and his wife still live together?

No, they have their own homes, but he admits untill i came on the scene he spent time at her new place 'helping' her.!!!!!

caroleann

emmy05 wrote: »

must be the linda mccartney greed catching on with some people


haha! try heather! think i ought to go back to sleep, but someone makes us work!

Greed on which side? I'm only interested in whether its being used as an excuse not to commit to me, i dont want any of his or her money.

caroleann

emmy05 wrote: »

oo well i would honestly be wondering about when id get to spend time with him as an 'un' married man rather than the fact of what he would lose out 'financially' if i really liked him that much, but then thats just me.....

Thats exactly how I feel, I'll be divorced this month and i want to be with someone who is free.

dmg24

caroleann wrote: »

I cant see what I was doing wrong in looking up the facts on the penion rights of ex wives!!!!
This is all new to me and just want to be aware of the facts, rights ect, I want to know if I'm being strung a line, I dont want his money, I'm independant of him totally, have my own home, job, car, he doesn't live with me and has his own flat that yes, I have visited and no , there is no sign of another woman living there, im not stupid I have thought of these things, forewarned etc, only finding out facts.
I dont want him to diddle the wife out of what she's entitled to, but would rather he did it now and not try to slither out of his responsibilities by keeping his head down and hoping she and the problem will just go away.

I'm confused - are you the same person as the OP?

caroleann

margaretclare wrote: »

Well, I could tell the difference when this kind of scenario developed in my own life in the autumn of 1997. I believed him when he told me about his abusive, extravagant and unreasonable wife. I believed him, and I have never had reason to doubt his word, because 10 years on, he's the one person in the world that I trust above all others, and who has never lied to me. I heard myself saying 'If it gets too bad you could always move in with me'. 3 weeks later he did just that. He packed all that he could into his rusty old car and drove away.

To physically remove himself, leaving a letter of explanation on the mantelpiece, is pretty conclusive proof that the marriage is over. As a family solicitor said to us 'It doesn't matter what the legal "cause" is for divorce, if one person has physically moved out then any court will take the view that the marriage is over, no further proof is needed'.

I agree, though, that a married man who isn't yet divorced can't be a 'boy-friend'. And to talk of him 'not wanting to upset his wife' is nonsense. Either the marriage is over or it isn't. If it isn't, if he's still involved with her to the extent of 'not wanting to upset her', then any woman is a total idiot if she listens to anything he says and should distance herself. Whether we talk about it nowadays or not, what he's doing is committing adultery. He should end one marriage before starting to contemplate another.

I'm as guilty as anyone else, but what I did was provide a port in a storm, throw a lifebelt to a man who had few other options at that time. I'm not ashamed of that, and for us it has worked out well. We were two lonely people.

Margaret

Thanks Margaret, I have asked myself over and over again, 'What am i doing?' I agree that not wanting to upset his wife hurts me like hell, he can bring me to tears over this situation but will not upset her, i do feel like an idiot at times, but he is so kind and loving to me and has helped me so much since my marriage broke down that I really don't want to kick him out of my life, he says he will divorce her 'When the time is right' but what does that mean, really?