boyfriend says he can't upset wife!!!!

caroleann

Errata wrote: »

Bluntly, of course he looked after them -they were all in the same house, what else was going to happen ? Him walk out as well?
Caroleann, this may sound harsh, but I think he's a 5 star bullshi!!er.

Yes your'e right, It's taking a while but I'm beginning to see it, just please keep me on the right track and focusswd.xxx

liuhut

Hi Caroleann, I have had half a bottle of red so sorry if I sound harsh/p!ssed!! WHY would his daughter not talk to him if he started the divorce, after 'susposidly' sorry for spelling, seeing what he went through after his wife/her mum walked out....surely if that happened she would not be talking to her mum...he sounds like a complete b***sh**er.
Have you got some wine and chocs like Errata suggested, always make me feel better!!!

N71

Hi Caroleann - hope you're ok tonight.

I've just read through the whole thread - kept me occupied on a Saturday night!!

I just wanted to share my experience.

I wasted almost 5 years of my life on a very similar sounding man. When I met him, he'd been separated for a year, and his kids were 9 and 13. They'd separated because of his wifes repeated cheating (all through the marriage from what I heard from his friends/family).

Anyway, my kids were younger than his, and i'd come out of a bad relationship, so we took things slow. He lived in a nice flat, wife was in the marital home (with latest man moved in with her, although my OH was still paying her mortgatge and bills on top of CSA!), and mostly things went well. We kept our lives seperate for the first year which I was happy with.

After a year, his daughter (THEN 14), came to his flat unexpected when I was there. He told her I was the cleaner - I was horrified!! He said he didn't want kids/wife to know about me as it would upset things!

Obviously a bright 14 year old girl, she didn't beleive him, so he came clean, but made her promise not to tell her mum!

Then one day he gave me a lift to work, as we drove up a road, he spotted the wife in the distance, and he told me to duck down! Again, i felt like i was doing something wrong. Its laughable now, and looking back I wish i'd told him to f off and sat up with my head held high - but I didn't, i ducked!!

Anyway, as time went on, we saw more of each other, Me, him, his kids and my kids had some great times together. Then, just me and him went away on holiday for a week. While we were away, the daughter had a row with her mum, and during the row, screamed at her mum 'I cant' go to dads, he's on holiday with his girlfriend'. All hell broke loose. The wife was phoning him screaming 'how dare he go on holiday with some s**t!!" Bear in mind that the wife still had b/f living in the home he was still paying for!!

I had it out with him during this holiday, how i felt used, felt like the other woman, felt like I was doing something wrong - his answer to everything was 'I don't want to upset her as she'll take it out on the kids'.

After that (which must have been 4 years together), i started asking when he was going to sort his life out. If we were going to carry on together, move in etc, he needs to sort out divorce etc. He was always 'going to speak to her about it', but never did. (By now, wife was engaged to live in b/f).

Eventually, I did the ultimatum. I said that if he hadn't started divorce/splitting of house/money issues, before our 5th anniversary, I'd walk. So I did.

Six months later, he was still texting me/emailing me. The kick up the !!!! had suddenly made him sort the divorce, split the house etc etc, and could we make another go of it, would I marry him and move into his new house with him. But, by then, i'd moved on and didn't want such a weak man in my life.


What a long story!!!! Maybe this will work as a kick up the butt for him. If he cares at all about you, he might realise to have you he needs to sort his life out. And, maybe, while he's sorting his life out, you may realise he's not what you need and you deserve better.

I'm now five years on from this story and am very happy with my very own toy boy! (only 8 years difference!). The Ex is now divorced, still single and still occasionally texting the one that got away!

Good luck - hope you feel better very soon.

XX

haylibo

caroleann wrote: »

Hi Haylibo,
What a month I've had, waiting and wondering, hoping he was sorting things out ready for today, its 4 weeks tonight since he asked for a month and he'd 'Do something', well you guessed it..... NOTHING HAS BEEN DONE AT ALL!!!!:eek:
I lost it totally, I have to admit, shouted, swore, cried and threatened, all to no avail, my eyes are so puffy I look like I've been in a boxing ring, but he's gone and I'm glad I now know where I stand at last.:T

Oh.My.God. That's the last time I don't keep up to date with your thread, Lea.
On a serious note, I hope you are okay. Nothing new to say that hasn't already been covered so will just say 'well done' and really hope you manage to ride out the storm of the coming weeks - it sounds like you're prepared for it.
Remind yourself that you've just made space for someone fab to come into your life.
Have a good weekend xx
Hayles

miserly_mum

haylibo wrote: »

Oh.My.God. That's the last time I don't keep up to date with your thread, Lea.
On a serious note, I hope you are okay. Nothing new to say that hasn't already been covered so will just say 'well done' and really hope you manage to ride out the storm of the coming weeks - it sounds like you're prepared for it.
Remind yourself that you've just made space for someone fab to come into your life.
Have a good weekend xx
Hayles

Her name isn't Lea

haylibo

miserly_mum wrote: »

Her name isn't Lea

Oh dear MM, a bit late for me and following two threads together. So sorry, Caroleanne - I DO know who I'm talking to but names aren't my strong point. Sentiment stays the same - have a lovely weekend.
Hayles

PENNYWISE_3

caroleann wrote: »

Hi Penny, whats happening with you at the moment?

hi :hello: well, I too am now young free and single it's very strange but i FINALLY realised nothing was going to change and I wasn't happy so time to move on. It's taken me a long time to get to this stage.

How u coping with everything?
x

caroleann

OMG, don't know where to start, To all my mates on here I say from the bottom of my heart a HUGE THANK YOU, you have been my rocks and I can honestly say your support and advice and also the laughs Errata has given me have got me through the last month and helped me so much, now for the update.........
As you know I finished with Mike on Saturday morning, chucked him out the front door with all his belongings and all the jewellry he'd ever given me.
Had a c--p day, took my 3 dogs out and cried every step of the way, dreading meeting anyone I knew, ( you get to know people out with their dogs and end up having a chat) I came home and my 15 year old daughter looked as if she had the weight of the world on her shoulders, so bucked myself up, had a shower, did hair, make up, put my Michael Buble t shirt on and my fav Levis and told her we were going out for some retail therapy, had to show her I was ok, shes been through enough c__p with her Dad to see me in that state again, so loads of concealer, blusher and lippy later we hit the shops, I caught a glimpse of myself a few times in mirrors and I looked like the bride of Frankenstein, so much for concealer!!!!!
We had a great day and she spent her birthday money on clothes, we had lunch and I bought a new lamp, twig lights and burner oil, house looked and smelt lovely when we got home. Talked to you all that night, had a laugh even and went to bed at Midnight, stay with me.....

caroleann

Slept like a log, thanks to the red wine, woke up and remembered everything, not good, my DD made me a coffee!!!!!! unheard of,a sat up in bed and decided I needed to keep busy, so invited Mam and DD 1 for lunch, came downstairs and started to tidy and clean, you know how it is when your Mother is coming??????!!!!!!!!
Had been up a while when i came upon my phone.......
Text from 12.35am from Mike, he knows I said dont get in touch but needs to tell me how sorry he is for what he's done and hasn't done, he has been a fool and needed the kick up the backside I'd given him, he was lost without me and has texd 'Her' to tell her needs to talk to her, and he hoped it wasn't too late for us and that he hoped I would forgive him.

ceridwen

Well - I suppose you could look at it like this:

- the one bonus side to all this is that you could regard the whole sorry episode as "grist to t' mill" for material to write the ultimate chickflick novel. :rolleyes: There could even be a distinct silver lining to this cloud!:D

Sorry - not meaning to sound flippant - but its what I would be telling myself if it were me - but then I have quite an odd sense of humour sometimes!

You HAVE done the right thing getting shot.