boyfriend says he can't upset wife!!!!

miserly_mum

I feel this will only work if you refuse to see him until the deed is done. Tell him you cannot carry on the relationship emotionally or sexually untill he proves he's genuine about the divorce. Good Luck

liuhut

Hi Carole

Really glad you posted, I've been wondering how you are....The thread that I put on that other site for you hasn't given any answers...nobody seems to know...but him hey!
I think its a good idea about the month thing and at least you can move on from there..
Take care
Love Laura

AMILLIONDOLLARS

Carolann

I have just been reading some of this thread. Question, who initially asked for the separation? Sounds like it was the wife.

Another observation - If he does not get a divorce and you set up home together, you have no rights when he dies, (wife gets everything regardless of how many years they have been separated)he can't love you that much if he is willing to let that happen to you because he want to keep his pension and any solicitor worth their salt would tell him that losing some of this was on the cards anyway so there's no point in waiting.

caroleann

Errata wrote: »

Looks like the penny has dropped with him. I hope he didn't just say that because he sensed you were going to give him his marching orders, and didn't want that to happen for .......... any number of reasons, one of which is that he loves you and another is he senses your need for him and is making use of it.

Stay on his case. The discussion has moved on and the divorce is out in the open so you're entitled to very regular progress reports which have a very great bearing on the future life you'll have together. You're a couple, couples negotiate, discuss and make joint decisions about the great events which will effect their lives as a couple.

Sometimes men need a kick up the !!!!! to concentrate their minds - they can do letting things drift along to Olympic standards !

Really pleased to see your post. I've been thinking about you, as I'm sure others have. If I lived in Newcastle/Gateshead I'd be dragging you out for some girly social activities without him.

Thanks so much for your quick and positive reply, I'm hoping that your'e right and things will move on from here, my response to him was that I woul just leave things and not prompt him along the way, he said he'd prefer that, but
you seem to take a totally different line, dont know if he would tell me blow by blow what he was doing/had done, he can be a bit deep, maybe secretive.
So i will give him another 3 weeks or so and see what he comes back to me with, there are still things I feel need to be addressed, ie not having met any of his family, ( except a fleeting hello to his youngest son, i was still in car he was dropping money off to him, he tells me the son never let on to anyone that he'd seen me! ) but if the divorce is out in the open hopefully I will meet them eventually,
Will keep you posted, I'm flattered that you say you'd have a night out with me, thats really nice, thanks,
Caroleann x

Errata

My response is due to my temperament ! I like things out in the open and cut and dried, which is why I was a very effective planning manager when I was working !
If it suits your temperament to leave well alone until the 22nd, then that's best for you.
I guess in a way it's understandable that his kids haven't shown any interest in meeting you - they may see you as Dad's latest girlfriend and there may be another one along in a few months - who knows? In any case, they have their own lives and have made camp on their mum's side and that should be respected. But..........have you met any of his relatives or friends? Have you socialised with them? Does he?
All this is very easy for me to write, I'm not emotionally involved, so take what helps and ignore what doesn't. All the best

caroleann

liuhut wrote: »

Hi Carole

Really glad you posted, I've been wondering how you are....The thread that I put on that other site for you hasn't given any answers...nobody seems to know...but him hey!
I think its a good idea about the month thing and at least you can move on from there..
Take care
Love Laura

Hi Laura,
I havent had any luck either about him having to have a medical, I asked him outright and he said he had'nt, !!!????
Thanks for your support in all this,
Caroleann xxx

caroleann

Errata wrote: »

My response is due to my temperament ! I like things out in the open and cut and dried, which is why I was a very effective planning manager when I was working !
If it suits your temperament to leave well alone until the 22nd, then that's best for you.
I guess in a way it's understandable that his kids haven't shown any interest in meeting you - they may see you as Dad's latest girlfriend and there may be another one along in a few months - who knows? In any case, they have their own lives and have made camp on their mum's side and that should be respected. But..........have you met any of his relatives or friends? Have you socialised with them? Does he?
All this is very easy for me to write, I'm not emotionally involved, so take what helps and ignore what doesn't. All the best

Hi Errata,

Yes I have socailised with his friends on two occasions, he took me to his works Christmas 'do', and a retirement party.

But his kids have no interest or intention in meeting me and he says they dont do the things we do, like have Sunday Lunch together, so the opportunity isint there either.

My kids know him well, he's at my place a lot and he's welcome at all my families homes, they are all lovely to him, it hurts that I dont have the same thing from his side.

Time will tell,

Caroleann

ceridwen

Oh well....I guess now its best to give him that month and then DEFINITE FINAL DECISION TIME one way or the other. I think it best to have no contact whatsoever with him during that time myself.

Good luck.

Errata

caroleann wrote: »

Hi Errata,

Yes I have socailised with his friends on two occasions, he took me to his works Christmas 'do', and a retirement party.

But his kids have no interest or intention in meeting me and he says they dont do the things we do, like have Sunday Lunch together, so the opportunity isint there either.

My kids know him well, he's at my place a lot and he's welcome at all my families homes, they are all lovely to him, it hurts that I dont have the same thing from his side.

Time will tell,

Caroleann

All families function in slightly different ways, none are totally right and none are totally wrong.
It might be easiest not to feel hurt by something you can't change or influence, their attitude may have been the same towards any new woman in their dad's life so it's not necessarily something you should take personally.

caroleann

ceridwen wrote: »

Oh well....I guess now its best to give him that month and then DEFINITE FINAL DECISION TIME one way or the other. I think it best to have no contact whatsoever with him during that time myself.

Good luck.

Thanks for the good luck wish, I need it, I cant bring myself to not see him during the next three weeks, I'm prepared to give him the chance to redeem himself, but also determined to get rid of him if he prooves to be a liar.