boyfriend says he can't upset wife!!!!

Errata

Then it's even more bizarre isn't it. Did he have to take a day off work to take them?
It's beginning to look like perm and 3 from 4 on this situation. Is she going for a holiday, or to stay with rellys, or does she plan to stay in which case she'll need all the cash she's entitled to, to take with her won't she? Not to mention a decree absolute.

caroleann

Yep, starting to find out more info on Australia sites, ALL relatives have to have medicals, X rays etc, and it costs.....
No he didn't take day off, he was on shifts and it was his day off, shes going over there to live and work, taking youngest son with her ( almost 18 ), wish she did want a decree absolute, hasn't asked for a divorce ever, he says!
Still no answers from him all day, just had a text, 'Hiya darling, how are you? miss you x' He is trying to get around me now, wants to come here when he finishes work at 6am in the morning, Know him so well, not having it!!!!!

miserly_mum

margaretclare wrote: »

And just my humble opinion too.

He cannot make that 'commitment' while he still has a commitment to someone else which is not yet undone. He can be a friend, sure, but the term 'boy-friend' implies something more than a friend.

But I never described him as 'my boy-friend' in all that time.

Margaret

You might not have used the term "boyfriend" but lets face it that's what he was. You can dress it up how you like. You offered a "married" man a place to go allowing him to physically leave his wife. You later marry him......maybe it made you feel easier about it by calling him a friend or whatever

I've no doubt he was unhappy in his marriage as you have said but I've known many men over the years in unhappy marriages.......never had any urge to let them move in with me though.

Its rubbish to say someone who is still legally married but not with their spouse can;t make a commitment. It depends on the individual circumstances.
.
I had been separated for 4 years when I met my OH. My ex hubby wouldn't give me a divorce and even when I applied for a divorce after 5 years it took a further 2 years till my decree absolute came through.

Are you seriously suggesting I shouldn't have entered into another serious relationship as I was still married to a man I hadn't even set eyes on in years?

If i'd followed your advise i'd have lost out on a truly wonderful man. My kids would have missed having a decent loving father figure in their lives and we would not have had our precious son.

How you refer to a loved one is not relevant. I don't use the term boyfriend because i'm 41 and it just doesn't sound right, i'm not fond of the word partner either even though he was my partner in every way almost from day one.

Errata

Good for you - men don't usually call round at 6am in order to cook a nice bacon and egg breakfast, mow the lawn and clean the car.
A work visa? Is she a plumber !!
Chin up kid, get yourself fixed up with a girly night out - it could do you the world of good.

caroleann

Ha, you got it, know exactly what he'd be after, not having him lying around the place all day tomorrow either, haven't answered his text, not like me at all, have organised a night out tomorrow, wont be hanging around waiting to see if he's going to call, I'm out on the town, p.s. its snowing here!!!:j

liuhut

Caroleann

Just wondered if it had let you register on the site...if you want to pm me a list of questions and I can post on your behalf if you want me to?

Good for you on let letting him come around!! Just out of interest how old is she as normally you have to be under 45 to get a work visa??

Take care
Laura

caroleann

Hi Laura,
I found another site and registered on it, waiting for replies to my question about separated people having to have medicals.
He has nothing to tell me yet, texd late last nite, so I'm off out tonite with sis and BIL and gang.... not happy when I told him this, was gonna ask me out for a meal!!!
NO, dont think so,
She's about 42ish and a nurse so is just under the cut off point.
Thanx again
Caroleann

duchy

You'd think if she was just under the cut off that a divorce would be something she'd want sooner rather than later if it's needed if she emigrates. regardless of visa-surely a long distance divorce later would be far more costly and complicated ?
Will be interesting to see the answers as either 1 Visa is ok without divorce (sounds unlikely as otherwise if an OH was unsuitable in some way could join them later and be entitled to status under marriage) or even legal seperation.
2 He's on the application too for whatever reason. (keeping options open ? too late to apply after divorce if she's near the cut off-and the intention is he doesn't go? )
Whatever it is he's not been up front with you.

caroleann

duchy wrote: »

You'd think if she was just under the cut off that a divorce would be something she'd want sooner rather than later if it's needed if she emigrates. regardless of visa-surely a long distance divorce later would be far more costly and complicated ?
Will be interesting to see the answers as either 1 Visa is ok without divorce (sounds unlikely as otherwise if an OH was unsuitable in some way could join them later and be entitled to status under marriage) or even legal seperation.
2 He's on the application too for whatever reason. (keeping options open ? too late to apply after divorce if she's near the cut off-and the intention is he doesn't go? )
Whatever it is he's not been up front with you.

My sentiments entirely,

My gut feeling is theres something not right about this whole thing, why did he not go through with the divorce last September when he visited solicitor and drew up the petition? surely his pension cant be the only reason, upsetting kids? dont know what stupid thing she might do, all excuses I've been given.
Have received long text from him half an hour ago, saying he doesn't need to decide who he wants to be with, he has told me he wants to be with me, that what I'm doing now is blackmail, that he will divorce her but not now!
consequences afterwards are too high
Havent answered,
:mad:
Caroleann

ellie14

Consequences high alright ,if he burns his boats with her hes then spoilt his chances of taking off to Oz with her.Everyone is right this is not fitting together,you are doing the right thing by sitting tight ,box him into a corner give him enough rope and he will most likely hang himself.When he realises you mean business he may start to lie again to squirm out of his mess,at least you will be ready for him.This is long term you are looking at ,so you need to know what kind of man he really is.