boyfriend says he can't upset wife!!!!

PENNYWISE_3

caroleann wrote: »

The thought of the two of them in the car all the way to York and back from here in Gateshead then coffee's then back to me and not a word about it makes me want to scream.

i find it v strange that he didn't think to mention it espcecially since he met u after. I'd be deeply hurt and worried, but it's done now. without making excuses for him maybe he didn't say anything because in his previous relationship he learnt not to for various reasons? (he'd get a row, they didn't talk & share their days news? etc etc)
i think how someone has been treated in the past really does shape at least some of their current behaviour. That said i really don't think u deserve to be treated with such contempt.
all you can do now is make sure it doesn't happen again.
maybe for now you will have to take the supporting (emotionally) role in the relationship and be there for him to talk to in a non judging way but without being taken for granted & your needs not being met!
a difficult balance to get! lol

thinking of you

caroleann

PENNYWISE wrote: »

i find it v strange that he didn't think to mention it espcecially since he met u after. I'd be deeply hurt and worried, but it's done now. without making excuses for him maybe he didn't say anything because in his previous relationship he learnt not to for various reasons? (he'd get a row, they didn't talk & share their days news? etc etc)
i think how someone has been treated in the past really does shape at least some of their current behaviour. That said i really don't think u deserve to be treated with such contempt.
all you can do now is make sure it doesn't happen again.
maybe for now you will have to take the supporting (emotionally) role in the relationship and be there for him to talk to in a non judging way but without being taken for granted & your needs not being met!
a difficult balance to get! lol
thinking of you

Thanks for that, he said he did'nt tell me coz I would have gone mad and not let him do it, I would'nt have liked it, for sure, but as for not letting him, no way. He says he cant refuse people when they are stuck, she has no car and could'nt get there any other way? and it was for his son too.
There is always an excuse, still should have told me.
Take care
Carole

NAR

Of course he should have told you. A relationship not built on trust will not last IMHO.

ceridwen

....and meanwhile - whilst all this is going on one way or t'other - then take care of yourself. Time with friends, time cooking yourself nice meals/going for walks in countryside/etc.

loopy_lass

Caroleann wrote: »

Hi everyone,
I have two problems really, have been with my boyfriend 9 months, he has been seperated from his wife for 17 months, we want to spend the future together as a couple, problem is his wife , on hearing that he had a girlfriend and wanted a divorce, has turned nasty and said that she wants his pension, it has stopped him in his tracks as he is scared at the amount of money he could now lose, everything has been put on hold so as not to 'Upset the wife'.

He wont talk about it and says we have to wait till she calms down, and also it will upset his kids, 17.19.21 and 23!!!!!!!

So do I wait in the side lines so as not to upset anyone or tell him to 'Get Real' and sort it out?

Please help me, i'm struggling,

Caroleann

hi everyone, just a quick note as in a rush but ill re read everything later and fully reply... its strange i logged on and read this, just as my fella walked out the door to meet the ex wife to discuss finances ... as he wants to apease her so she doesnt take his pension, and hes loosing 180k house for me and i should understand a little...

Ha wasnt me who walked out ... he had been left some 4 months prior to meeting me!... then has the cheek to say last week she has been on the telephone crying, still loves him and wants him back, and the kids are suffering.... aged 17, 21 and 23 ....

So as he walked out to meet her for a COFFEE just now, i sat here and thought kay sera sera .... i dont need this K**P....

will reply more later....

loops

PENNYWISE_3

margaretclare wrote: »

I understand that divorces can take a long time. My DH's divorce took approx 18 months from the time he walked out and drove away, to the time of the decree absolute in June 1999.
Margaret

Think you were quite lucky there! 3 years and counting! :rotfl:

caroleann

loopy_lass wrote: »

hi everyone, just a quick note as in a rush but ill re read everything later and fully reply... its strange i logged on and read this, just as my fella walked out the door to meet the ex wife to discuss finances ... as he wants to apease her so she doesnt take his pension, and hes loosing 180k house for me and i should understand a little...

Ha wasnt me who walked out ... he had been left some 4 months prior to meeting me!... then has the cheek to say last week she has been on the telephone crying, still loves him and wants him back, and the kids are suffering.... aged 17, 21 and 23 ....

So as he walked out to meet her for a COFFEE just now, i sat here and thought kay sera sera .... i dont need this K**P....

will reply more later....


Wow Loopylass,

We are in the same boat, how similar are our situations?

I hope he's back with you by now and has something constructive to tell you, Bet you felt awful when he left knowing he was going off to meet her and that she wants him back, do you think he'll be tempted back by her?
I hope things turn out ok for you, will watch for you posts in the future to see how it goes for you, good luck,

Caroleann

caroleann

PENNYWISE wrote: »

Think you were quite lucky there! 3 years and counting! :rotfl:

Hi Pennywise,
Three years is a long time..... I feel for you, there must be a lot of women out there in our position, it helps to talk about it though.
Keep your chin up.
Caroleann

Errata

miserly_mum wrote: »

Maybe he's stringing her along jus as much as he is you?

Carolanne, there may be some truth in this. He might now be being economical with the truth with her as well as you when it suits him.

Margaretclare, how did you describe him? What, in your opinion, is the most appropriate term to use?

But I never described him as 'my boy-friend' in all that time.

liuhut

caroleann wrote: »

Thanks for that, he said he did'nt tell me coz I would have gone mad and not let him do it, I would'nt have liked it, for sure, but as for not letting him, no way. He says he cant refuse people when they are stuck, she has no car and could'nt get there any other way? and it was for his son too.
There is always an excuse, still should have told me.
Take care
Carole

Hi Carole

I'm applying for Visas to Australia and have just had our medicals done....ALL the imediate family have to have them so are you sure that your BF did not have to have one as well?? I've read of people who have not had anything to do with kids and they have had to get them to have medicals even when they are not going. I might be wrong but if his wife is applying then they would also look at your bf.....I'm sorry if this might confuse the situation but it really concerned me when I read it......I'm not fully up on the visa's but from what I have read on the internet either he would be included on the app or they would have to prove that they are divorced.

I really truely hope that you get this sorted out.
PM me if you want to know the best website to look at the visa side of things.

Take care
Laura XX