Very traditional asian inlaws getting on my XXXXX

EdInvestor

Hi there

....what is sad is that, they lose the shyness in their eyes, their gentle voices and all the other attributes that they were initially respected for.....there are intelligent, shy, educated muslim girls out here, in britain, who are eligible for marriage. its just that they do not go out and make people aware. they are waitin for that handsome, eligible, respectful person to knock on their door.

Might I inquire what the connection is between "shyness" and "respect"?

Perhaps you mean something different by "shy" than the usual English meaning of the word, as I don't think shyness is something which would usually command respect in society as a whole - more concern, or even sympathy.A shy person - one who lacks confidence, is introverted, or easily embarrassed, is seen to have a problem.

elaine373

EdInvestor wrote:

Hi there




Might I inquire what the connection is between "shyness" and "respect"?

Perhaps you mean something different by "shy" than the usual English meaning of the word, as I don't think shyness is something which would usually command respect in society as a whole - more concern, or even sympathy.A shy person - one who lacks confidence, is introverted, or easily embarrassed, is seen to have a problem.

Shyness is seen as humble/pious and is more liked than loud brash girls. Shy quiet girls would get more respect islamically.
I cant believe i missed this thread, I have been with my pakistani husband for nearly 25 years and the culture is a tough one. I realised (THANKFULLY) quite a few years ago that culture interefers with religion and i just now try to personally concentrate on the religion. I have been to pakistan a couple of times and i can understand why people grab what they can when they come to the uk. Its a culture that wont be changed, due to corruption being a part of life there.Islamically we do have a duty to take care of our parents, but not to surrender all your worldly goods. I will watch this thread with interest, Regards, Elaine

elaine373

Modesty it the word i should have used...........Shyness is interpretated as some-one who is modest.mODESTY/SHYNESS/HUMBLE are all characteristics preferred islamically.

margaretclare

surprise wrote:

wow, we go from showing respectful sympathy to taking the Lord's name in vain on a Sunday:

I agree with you, Surprise. I too object to that Name being used as a swear-word, on a Sunday as on any other day. I might say 'for His sake...' but it would be a prayer, a call for help, not an exclamation or a swear-word.

They expect us to understand their 'shyness and modesty' (!) and they would object most vociferously if we used their prophet's name like that!

You can't be shy and quiet in the world as it is. You have to be able to stand up for yourself, fight your own corner. You can't wait for some bloke to come along and do it all for you - that's called the 'knight in shining armour' syndrome, and it's a fallacy. Either the bloke fails to turn up, or he dies before you do. He may be shy as well! My dear husband claims to be shy - but he had a long career in engineering sales, and that involves going out and speaking to people, something that I couldn't do, and I'm less shy than he is.

I'd better say no more, or Martin will ban me.

Aunty Margaret

rabialiones

its not really about being shy and quiet.
what it all boils down to is showing respect to all others young and old in their own rights as well as self-respect.
i agree, that the correct word used should have been modesty.

'You can't be shy and quiet in the world as it is. You have to be able to stand up for yourself, fight your own corner. You can't wait for some bloke to come along and do it all for you - that's called the 'knight in shining armour' syndrome, and it's a fallacy. Either the bloke fails to turn up, or he dies before you do'

often, its the woman of the house who is the back-bone and manages all aspects, financially as well as household. you work as a team, and life is not a bed of roses. you do have your good/bad times, ups/downs etc. but, you pull thru by give and take.
that is where the respect lies.

and, beleive me the bloke does turn up, its just a matter of patience and destiny.

as for meheraltaf, congratulations, btw (hope u dont mind me asking, have u just wed).
if so, i hope your 'shyness in the eyes lasts your lifetime'
and you do not have a bad experience (as i have explained previously).

elaine373

I dont want to drag this disagreement out but you can be shy but able to speak up for yourself. In Islam, it is a sign of modesty, humbleness, etc, It may seem to some people to be oppressive but believe me, it isnt. It also may seem old fashioned to some people.
Also, Jesus is recognised as a prophet to all muslims, and we do not condone blasphemy of any kind, may it be mohammmed or Jesus. Lets not do a tit for tat, it depresses me, coz islam is very misunderstood for obvious recent events. I am sure meheraltaf regrets that comment and wasnt thinking straight. Self control is also required islamically. Regards, Elaine

elaine373

They expect us to understand their 'shyness and modesty' (!) and they would object most vociferously if we used their prophet's name like that!

They??????????????

meheraltaf

EdInvestor wrote:

Hi there

Might I inquire what the connection is between "shyness" and "respect"?

Oi, dont pick on my choice of words, that was just an expression used and you have made it into a paragraph:rolleyes: Did I say anywhere that shyness in the eyes is related to respect?

And you do have quite a narrow concept of shyness-you so sure that shy girls lack in confidence ? And in any case, I meant shyness in the eyes-it is for me to know and for the rest of you to find out!

I just wandered into this thread to pay my respectful sympathies to those in laws and best wishes to the newly married couple for Christ's sake.

margaretclare wrote:

I agree with you, Surprise. I too object to that Name being used as a swear-word, on a Sunday as on any other day. I might say 'for His sake...' but it would be a prayer, a call for help, not an exclamation or a swear-word.

That was just an expression, I do not ever stoop to levels of swearing.

margaretclare wrote:

They expect us to understand their 'shyness and modesty' (!) and they would object most vociferously if we used their prophet's name like that!

'them' and 'us' mind set feeds hatred.

My last post was in good humor and was responding to Ed's post.

EdInvestor

elaine373 wrote:

Modesty it the word i should have used...........Shyness is interpretated as some-one who is modest.mODESTY/SHYNESS/HUMBLE are all characteristics preferred islamically.

I see - yes, modesty makes much more sense. Actually in places like the Far East, there are quite a lot of women who when out in public with their husbands adopt a very low key, retiring, indeed humble role - such women would never contradict their husband in public, for instance.

Yet at home they can also be "the power behind the throne" - especially when it comes to matters of money.

Expat men sometimes get taken in by this and marry these supposedly shy and humble girls, who subsequently can turn out to be something quite alarmingly different....;)

meheraltaf

By shyness in the eyes, I meant innocence.

EdInvestor wrote:

Expat men sometimes get taken in by this and marry these supposedly shy and humble girls, who subsequently can turn out to be something quite alarmingly different....;)

Some expat men have no idea of their own roots, culture or history and have no individuality, so much that since they dont respect themselves, dont earn respect from the indegenous population here.

All they seem to own for themselves is an air of superiority, just imitating the western culture. They have no perceptive intelligence, so how would they know of their amazing girls back home in India or Pakistan? No wonder they find their far east wives alarmingly different....:D