Wife has walked out - what are my options.

Milky_Mocha

margaretclare wrote:

What an accolade! Thank you so much!

You're welcome

jonboy38

To Ashmit - thank you for your compassion. I know you care.
To Aunty Margaret... thanks. I did not explain that things went wrong when i was chucked out the navy and of course landed on my wifes doorstep permanently.
Some would call her a control freak, i shy away from insults. I am too nice for that.
I landed on her (our) doorstep permanently due to type I diabetes. No silver bullet for this crap.
I have had a lot to deal with. She put the house, the finances at risk and still to this day continues blindly spending like she is lady muck.
Thankfully our finances are separate. I adore my kids and don't see them as a trophy.When they leave home, it will hit my wife hard. Thankfully my kids are also my pals in life.
I feel like a winner in all this.
X john

margaretclare

Ember999 wrote:

Do you happen to know how to care for a 'money tree'? I bought two yesterday and am struggling to find info on how to look after them.

Ember, I'm so sorry, I'd never heard of a money tree until I read your post. My first thought was - surely she doesn't mean the kind that sprouts £20 notes??? We should all have one!!!

Google turned this up: http://www.natureperfect.com/shop/money_tree_bonsai.html

I don't know anything about them at all, I'm afraid. I'm more into wildlife gardening and I can't even get my wildflower seeds to grow!

Best wishes

Aunty Margaret

Ember999

margaretclare wrote:

Ember, I'm so sorry, I'd never heard of a money tree until I read your post. My first thought was - surely she doesn't mean the kind that sprouts £20 notes??? We should all have one!!!

Google turned this up: http://www.natureperfect.com/shop/money_tree_bonsai.html

I don't know anything about them at all, I'm afraid. I'm more into wildlife gardening and I can't even get my wildflower seeds to grow!

Best wishes

Aunty Margaret

Thank You Aunty Margaret,

The article you found was helpful. Says they are hardy plants that need little care - that's good! :j need watering once a month and can basically live anywhere under any conditions...I cannot kill it then :T :T :T
Thanks for your help, tons of googling didn't find me that page, so I don't know where my google was taking me.
Ember xx

rizla01

Hi Captainpugwash.

Firstly, I am amazed at the quality of the replies so far. Most all are putting forward excellent opinions and facts and the fact that you are still reading/responding tells me that you are open-minded enough to read/listen and learn from the posts.

Good for you and Well done.

Now, More cruelty of a different kind.

You have stopped work and spend more time at home. You have interfered in your wifes status quo and that could mean that there is someone else involved. Perhaps she had a regular visitor or made regular visits in your absence. I know that you don't want to believe this but it's extremely common and I would bet it's a younger person (Male or Female).

Stop beating yourself up (or allowing others on this forum to do that for you).

You have money and time on your hands. You are not used to living alone (In spite of the children), and you are young enough to start a completely new life.

Go to the Gym, buy a cycle and get excercising. Golf, Tennis, Swimming are all good for your self-esteem. Look after YOU. Sod the wife and her petty ways, if indeed that is all it is, and get on with your life. Stop trying to make/find excuses for her. You will find that when you start to succeed in your goals you will start to appear happier in the eyes of all - and that will include your ex (Yes, I said EX - if and when you finally accept the truth!).

Obviously you are feeling sorry for yourself and you have EVERY RIGHT to do so. Just be aware that medication could end up as your support if you are not careful and that would be the greatest tragedy.

You were a succesful M.D. and were for a considerable amount of you life, a very important person. M.D.s dont ask for help with important decisions, do they?

Course not! You have the capability of sorting out the most important problem in your life and that is YOU. You owe it to those that love you, so don't let them down. Remember, to your kids, Dads know EVERYTHING and can mend ANYTHING.

Ignore your wife and realise that it is HER loss and not yours. don't be generous or sympathetic with any settlement and fight it to the death. She probably will, so get in first. Any good solicitor would advise you the same and any that don't, sack them.

You have amongst all of the wisdom issued so far a proportion of 'women's Libs', who take great pleasure in putting men down and suggesting that it is all your fault. well I say that apportioning blame is unhelpful and will resolve nothing. Life is full of 'if only's'. There but for the grace of God, and all that.

In conclusion, I would suggest that you treated your wife in the way that you THOUGHT was right, and that is all there is to it. If you deliberately tried to hurt or upset her in any way, then you have been justly rewarded. Personally I doubt that.

Yes I speak as an embittered deserted after 25 years and I nearly wen't crazy trying to figure it all out but self recrimination is pointless, and trying to understand a woman is nigh on impossible. I think you have started to learn that.

I am now content in my life. I have found a real gem that was very unhappy before meeting me and I am loved and appreciated more than I ever imagined possible. She is a business woman that doesn't encourage me to take advantage of her (Unlike the past wife) and we respect each other mutually. I would suspect that this is what you need so get looking and don't look back.

The very best of luck to you, sir. You WILL succeed!

Riz

capinpugwash

Thanks for the post rizla. I have sent you a private message to thank you in more detail.

mrsdee

Hi Ember
just wanted you to know that money trees are well worth looking after! I won one in a raffle (was slightly disappointed to tell the truth as I dont have any houseplants and had no inclination to have one).

Anyway, took it home, did nothing with it apart from put it in corner of room and water very occasionally. After one week, I got a letter saying I had won £50 on premium bonds (better than nothing, and my first ever win!), two weeks later I got a letter from previous employer saying they owed me some money and sent me cheque for £653!! Then I got a tax refund of over £1000!!!!

Look after it, and I wish you well!!

elona

Any more news of OP?

edgebiker

Hi
First of all like everyone else my feelings go out to you your wife also your children.
i think also aunty margaret speaks a lot of sense.
But having been in a very similar situation i would say take the oportunity to sit down and reflect on your life, what do you want from your life. Do you feel you could do more with yourself. What dreams did you have that were never fulfilled. Maybe if you are honest with youself you will understand your wifes decision better.
One other point to remember. DO NOT TRUST SOLICITORS. They will do all they can to cause conflict between the two of you. Remember it is only in their interest for you to have a long protracted divorce with a fight over finances which they will encourage.
Believe me i have been there. If you do end up going that route make sure you find out your legal position yourself. I found out midway through proceedings that i was being badly advised by then it was too late.
Good luck with the rest of your life.

capinpugwash

Thanks for the interest elona.

I have still not heard from my wife as she refuses to respond to my messages or to the childrens requests for her to tell me what she is doing.

I have started to rebuild my life and now have a part time job to get me out and about. Intersestingly I have started to rediscover myself as an individual and am feeling more comfortable with my own company.

I have also started to play tennis again and have been redecorating the house and getting to grips with running the household on my own.

I am resigning myself to the fact that the marriage is over as it is difficult to see how the bridges can now be rebuilt.

Who knows?