Calling All Single Parents

98sidney

Hello everyone. Sorry havent posted recently been busy finding my son and daughters bedroom carperts again. If you are in bad housing and you have no hv, have a word with you son or daughters school nurse or head teacher, and make them aware you think your childs health may be suffering as a result of your accomodation, they can write a letter on your behalf then. I am also studying a course, doing mine through open Uni. I am admiring all the people on here who are working, how do you do it I have looked for jobs that would fit in with my 2 children but as yet have had no luck.

98sidney

Has anybody else got a 9 year old son on here. Mine is going through the stage of wanting to be an adult and wanting to stay up late. It has got to the stage that when I go to bed I am cutting the electric except kitchen sockets off course just so I know he will get some sleep. I tell him endless times to go to sleep. which he does but then gets up again when he think I have gone back into the lounge, any suggestions would be helpful.

shazrobo

i have twin 12 year olds and mine hate going to bed early too, so i say they can stay up as late as they like in their own rooms with the electric turned off, they soon get bored and fall asleep

98sidney

Thankyou Shazobo. I am so glad I am not the only one. Thats the only way I can get him to go to sleep, shame there is no way I can cut the upstairs electric without turnig downstairs off too though.

determined_new_ms

Hi Diamond, and everyone else! well done to all us lone parents, we do deserve a medal, but we probably won't get one!

I am a lone parent and have been (mostly) since I had my children 15 years ago, I have a son who is 15 and a daughter who is 14. I had my son when I was 16 and I must say it has been a struggle. Their father and I split up when I fell pregnant with my daughter and I realised he wasn't going to become more responsible (he was in and out of prison, committing crimes and very controling). I was actually in care so didn't have any family to support me.

As I say it was a struggle, and still is at times, but now for different reasons - teenagers:mad: ! When I was 17 with 2 babies and living in a 3 bed house I was only entitled to £49 per week in benefits due to my age, there were times when I couldn't afford food and relied on donations from my friends. Once my daughter lost one of her shoes, it was summer and all I could afford was jelly shoes and we just stayed in if it was raining! These struggles definately had an impact on how I felt aout myself. But I went to college then on to university and now 4 1/2 years after finishing uni I have a job that I love, have a reasonable income (altho its still a struggle) and this for the first time ever I am taking my children on a holiday to spain.

About 2 years ago the father of my children reappeared in the area, my daughter found him and forged a relationship with him. It has been very unhealthy for her and she has gone through a horrible time, he openly uses drugs in front of her, said inappropriate things to her and eroded her self-esteem, this effected her badly and her behaviour became awful, running away, being excluded permanently from school and at times she has been domestically violent to me. He now hasn't contacted her for 7 months and she now has to deal with the rejection all over again. But she is now pulling through it and we do have a good relationship again, but she is very demanding and needs alot of attention from me. Its very easy for an abscent parent to ignore the impact on their children, it makes me very angry.

Its not all bad tho. How I survived it is rely on the suport of friends, congratulate myself on my achievements, give myself a break for my failings and very importantly I have learnt to make time for myself (this has been very difficult to allow myself), nuturing myself then allows me to nurture my children.

I wish all you lone parents the very best and would love to joint this club!

determined_new_ms

Hi Diamond, and everyone else! well done to all us lone parents, we do deserve a medal, but we probably won't get one!

I am a lone parent and have been (mostly) since I had my children 15 years ago, I have a son who is 15 and a daughter who is 14. I had my son when I was 16 and I must say it has been a struggle. Their father and I split up when I fell pregnant with my daughter and I realised he wasn't going to become more responsible (he was in and out of prison, committing crimes and very controling). I was actually in care so didn't have any family to support me.

As I say it was a struggle, and still is at times, but now for different reasons - teenagers:mad: ! When I was 17 with 2 babies and living in a 3 bed house I was only entitled to £49 per week in benefits due to my age, there were times when I couldn't afford food and relied on donations from my friends. Once my daughter lost one of her shoes, it was summer and all I could afford was jelly shoes and we just stayed in if it was raining! These struggles definately had an impact on how I felt aout myself. But I went to college then on to university and now 4 1/2 years after finishing uni I have a job that I love, have a reasonable income (altho its still a struggle) and this for the first time ever I am taking my children on a holiday to spain.

About 2 years ago the father of my children reappeared in the area, my daughter found him and forged a relationship with him. It has been very unhealthy for her and she has gone through a horrible time, he openly uses drugs in front of her, said inappropriate things to her and eroded her self-esteem, this effected her badly and her behaviour became awful, running away, being excluded permanently from school and at times she has been domestically violent to me. He now hasn't contacted her for 7 months and she now has to deal with the rejection all over again. But she is now pulling through it and we do have a good relationship again, but she is very demanding and needs alot of attention from me. Its very easy for an abscent parent to ignore the impact on their children, it makes me very angry.

Its not all bad tho. How I survived it is rely on the suport of friends, congratulate myself on my achievements, give myself a break for my failings and very importantly I have learnt to make time for myself (this has been very difficult to allow myself), nuturing myself then allows me to nurture my children.

I wish all you lone parents the very best and would love to joint this club!

98sidney

Hello New determined new miss. Wow you have done so well. I am just starting that path, doing open uni course then do my nurses training hopefully. That must be so horrible for you to see your daughter treated that way. Sounds like your daughter takes after you and is a fighter and wont let her dad ruin things for her.

It makes it ten times harder when the absent parent keeps coming in and out of our childrens lives, My ex does the same with my two. But now my son is 9 whilst his dad could do no wrong in his eyes, my son has seen what his dad is really like, and the way my son taslks to his dad now, you can hear how my son feels towards him, which has made our relationship stronger.

My Ex is the type he can have other relationships, and even has twins by one of them and the kids get to meet the new GF, but if I have a relationship he wont have anything to do with the children anymore. Also the type that when he has money we dont see him, as soon as money has gone and he has nothing for tea he remembers he has two children here, and starts playing I want my family back speech.

Diamond78

Hi and welcome determined new miss. I feel for you so much with what you have gone through and how you have pulled through such hard times.In a way I can relate to your situation.
When I was younger and my mum and dad split, i didnt see my dad till I was 18.i was 7 when they spilt and saw hiim for a while.he tried to abduct me and my mum and the police had to kick the door down to get me back.Dont know what he was going to do with me as he wasnt capable of looking after mE. he has a gambling problem as well as a drug problem-i remember so clearly. He was also violent towards my mum but back in those days domestic violence was not taken seriouslt at all and my mum was always told they couldnt do anything as it was a family matter-they dont do that much now tbh as thats why still 2 women atleast die a weel in this country alone.

History repeated itself and I fell for a nasty peice of work just like my dad.I was a difficult tenager,very depressed although i never showed it but self harmed as a way out. My relathionship with my mum changed dramatically when i was a tenager as she never had time for me and my brother and took us to live in another country when i was 11 which i totallt hated and was one reason i was the way i was. I was a drunk from 14 and constantly self harming.I left home at 16 and was homeless-i had the worse time of my life then.My last cut was so deep i was rushed to hospital as i lost so much blood.My mum had re married by then and her husband was an evil man, he knw i was in hospital and nver told my mum.I longed for a father figure, to look after me and protect me.
I had to sleep on the streets when i was homelss but i made my way here in hope my dad would help me and couldnt belive how easy I found him.It was scary, he has re married and had a little boy.I stayed with him a while but his wife was making nasty coments about my mum.Regardless how my mum brang me up, she is my mother and I respect her so didnt like the comments this woman was making. After all my dad was no angel,a wife beater,gambler and drug addict!!Yet he nevr came looking for me after his abduction drama. Maybe he wasnt allowed who knows but he never sent me no cards for my bday or xmas.
I ended up rowing with his wife and my dad kicked me out,i saw him once after that when i was with my friends in the park,he told me i ws no daughter of his and he only had one child,i was so hurt and all my friends heard what he had said to me so i spat in his face to which he tried to slap me but i ducked and ran off.After that when i was going thru the violence with sperm donor and i was pregnant i wrote a letter to my dad telling him what i was going thru,i never got a response. I gave birth and i took my son to the cafe he worked in 2 days b4 fathers day, i said can you come out plz, i waited 20mins and he never came ouot,i thought it was maybe coz he wasnt allowed. I again visited him the next year and sat in the cafe.he blanked us as my son called him grandad-how i sat there with a brave face i will never know as i so wanted to cry and shout at him.How dare he ignore my son???

2 years ago, i found out from a starnger that he had dies from lung cancer.No one told me,i went to his home as I had photos there as that was thehouse i lived in as a baby.The evil wife got rid of my baby albums and told me it was my fault my dad had died and it was my fault he got cancer and he got that from the grief of not seing me.He never lookked hard enough and her son who is my brother told me to get out of thehouse and called me a !!!!!. I got out of thee crying with my son telling me it will be ok mummy.
That is a chapter closed in my life now, spermdonor knows what my dad was like and how i resented and hated my dad.I told him i would nevr ever wish for my son to feel what hate is especially towards a parent but he is acting just like my dad.an adult and parent can ruin a childs life and i blame my dad for a lot of things, he is gone now and I have to get on with it.I just hope my son doesnt suffer the same why i did with his father like i did with mine.
spermdonor spends all his wages(he gets vry good pay) on drugs,booze,designer clothes and golfing holidays.
My little boy has seen what he is like and I know my ex will never change until it is to late.its just so sad that a parent can knowingly make there own child theer own flesh and blood suffer and hurt them so bad.
we are all strong and must stick toegther,we are not here to judge one another but be here for each other and help each other on good days and bad.
Hugs to you all mums and dads that are doing a fab job bringing up our little mini mes.
xxx

misswig

Diamond78 wrote: »

Hi and welcome determined new miss. I feel for you so much with what you have gone through and how you have pulled through such hard times.In a way I can relate to your situation.
When I was younger and my mum and dad split, i didnt see my dad till I was 18.i was 7 when they spilt and saw hiim for a while.he tried to abduct me and my mum and the police had to kick the door down to get me back.Dont know what he was going to do with me as he wasnt capable of looking after mE. he has a gambling problem as well as a drug problem-i remember so clearly. He was also violent towards my mum but back in those days domestic violence was not taken seriouslt at all and my mum was always told they couldnt do anything as it was a family matter-they dont do that much now tbh as thats why still 2 women atleast die a weel in this country alone.

History repeated itself and I fell for a nasty peice of work just like my dad.I was a difficult tenager,very depressed although i never showed it but self harmed as a way out. My relathionship with my mum changed dramatically when i was a tenager as she never had time for me and my brother and took us to live in another country when i was 11 which i totallt hated and was one reason i was the way i was. I was a drunk from 14 and constantly self harming.I left home at 16 and was homeless-i had the worse time of my life then.My last cut was so deep i was rushed to hospital as i lost so much blood.My mum had re married by then and her husband was an evil man, he knw i was in hospital and nver told my mum.I longed for a father figure, to look after me and protect me.
I had to sleep on the streets when i was homelss but i made my way here in hope my dad would help me and couldnt belive how easy I found him.It was scary, he has re married and had a little boy.I stayed with him a while but his wife was making nasty coments about my mum.Regardless how my mum brang me up, she is my mother and I respect her so didnt like the comments this woman was making. After all my dad was no angel,a wife beater,gambler and drug addict!!Yet he nevr came looking for me after his abduction drama. Maybe he wasnt allowed who knows but he never sent me no cards for my bday or xmas.
I ended up rowing with his wife and my dad kicked me out,i saw him once after that when i was with my friends in the park,he told me i ws no daughter of his and he only had one child,i was so hurt and all my friends heard what he had said to me so i spat in his face to which he tried to slap me but i ducked and ran off.After that when i was going thru the violence with sperm donor and i was pregnant i wrote a letter to my dad telling him what i was going thru,i never got a response. I gave birth and i took my son to the cafe he worked in 2 days b4 fathers day, i said can you come out plz, i waited 20mins and he never came ouot,i thought it was maybe coz he wasnt allowed. I again visited him the next year and sat in the cafe.he blanked us as my son called him grandad-how i sat there with a brave face i will never know as i so wanted to cry and shout at him.How dare he ignore my son???

2 years ago, i found out from a starnger that he had dies from lung cancer.No one told me,i went to his home as I had photos there as that was thehouse i lived in as a baby.The evil wife got rid of my baby albums and told me it was my fault my dad had died and it was my fault he got cancer and he got that from the grief of not seing me.He never lookked hard enough and her son who is my brother told me to get out of thehouse and called me a !!!!!. I got out of thee crying with my son telling me it will be ok mummy.
That is a chapter closed in my life now, spermdonor knows what my dad was like and how i resented and hated my dad.I told him i would nevr ever wish for my son to feel what hate is especially towards a parent but he is acting just like my dad.an adult and parent can ruin a childs life and i blame my dad for a lot of things, he is gone now and I have to get on with it.I just hope my son doesnt suffer the same why i did with his father like i did with mine.
spermdonor spends all his wages(he gets vry good pay) on drugs,booze,designer clothes and golfing holidays.
My little boy has seen what he is like and I know my ex will never change until it is to late.its just so sad that a parent can knowingly make there own child theer own flesh and blood suffer and hurt them so bad.
we are all strong and must stick toegther,we are not here to judge one another but be here for each other and help each other on good days and bad.
Hugs to you all mums and dads that are doing a fab job bringing up our little mini mes.
xxx

OMG:eek: :eek:

You have been through an awful time. As you say, that is several chapters in your life that you have to close-you and your son deserve so much more.

Hats off to you for picking yourself up and doing a great job. The only thing that matters now are you and your son

I stand in awe of what you have achieved.:T

determined_new_ms

Hi Diamond78, my you haven't had it easy, so much of what you have said I can relate to totally. I guess we are the adults dealing with the repercussions of our parents choices, and now, I at least, am aware of what my daughter (and son but to a lesser degree) will have to process and resolve. Its not fair, its not right but sadly it happens.

I used to suffer from depression and my Dr who was very sympathetic used to say things will get better as your children grow up and your situation changes. Altho its not much consolation when ur going through it, but it does.

I can honestly say I rarely think about the rejection from my parents or the abuse from my mother anymore. I can remember for years feeling if my mum didn't love me there must be something fundamentally wrong with me, something she saw and eventually everyone else would and then they would reject me. I spent every birthday until 25 sobbing because I didn't get a card or a phone call. I used to look at friends family relationships and think why didn't I have that? My last birthday was in Nov, I had a lovely time and about 2 weeks later the thought occurred I hadn't received a card from her, but it doesn't bother me like it used to. Now I see all the people who DO care about me and the effort they go to. I know its a cliche but time does heal.

Stay strong, treat yourself with love and respect and you'll move past the hurt that other people have inflicted on you. Believe in urself and when times are tough be extra kind to urself because when ur up against it you need one true friend, and noone can ever be a better friend to you than you x