Calling All Single Parents

76Bramble

Hi everyone, I am a single parent too. I have 3 children ages 13,7 and 5.
I have been on my own for nearly 2 years since their Dad decided gambling meant more to him than his family. I find life can be quite isolated at times as
my friends are all either married or in long term relationships.
My children see their Dad when he can be bothered which isn't too often.
I know they would probably be better off without him but I am trying to do what is right... I just don't know what that is anymore.
Any comments greatly appreciated as my friends and family think he is just doing as he pleases, which is correct. I would just prefer opinions from people who are going through the same thing. Thanks and well done everyone. 76Bramble

misswig

76Bramble wrote: »

Hi everyone, I am a single parent too. I have 3 children ages 13,7 and 5.
I have been on my own for nearly 2 years since their Dad decided gambling meant more to him than his family. I find life can be quite isolated at times as
my friends are all either married or in long term relationships.
My children see their Dad when he can be bothered which isn't too often.
I know they would probably be better off without him but I am trying to do what is right... I just don't know what that is anymore.
Any comments greatly appreciated as my friends and family think he is just doing as he pleases, which is correct. I would just prefer opinions from people who are going through the same thing. Thanks and well done everyone. 76Bramble

Hi

My advise would depend on what impact the 'as and when he can be bothered' contact has on your children, especially the younger ones. Do they get upset when thy dont have contact with their dad for a long period of time or when he sees them?? If yes then i would suggest you try to get it too regulkar contact if you can. They will make there own mind up eventually about him.

I had the same problem with my sons dad before he died- he only wanted as and when he could squeeze him in and since he died his parents have been the same. In fact they are no longer in contact at all. I found that the sporadic contact with them upset him. I held out with his dad and said that unless the contact was regular then it would be no good (my son was only 14months old when we split upi). It inevitable went to court and they agreed with me and said every other weekend and 1 day during the week which is what i had said in the first place to him. He refused this and said he couldn't have him that often!!!

It all depends on what works best for you and your children though.

Good luck

76Bramble

Hi misswig, thanks for the advice. I must admit, the children are used to not seeing him regularly. I feel sorry for my 13 year old son, I think it's hurt him the most as he is old enough to realise...
Yeah, same situation as you with grandparents, they just don't bother at all.
I think I keep holding out, thinking one day he will realise what he's doing and will make an effort with them... I'm not going to hold my breath though.

Sunnydoo

Hope everyone is enjoying the lovely weather(well it's lovely here anyway!) and having a good weekend

mutley74

hi all
i am single dad..i have just finished ironing his school clothes, washing his other stuff, taking him to the park and just woken up from sleeping on the sofa. I have no idea how single parents cope if they have more than 1 kid!
good luck to you all:)

MrsB68

Hi all - just been catching up all the posts!

It has been a gorgeous day today. My son decided he wanted to go fishing and despite me being able to see him sitting by the canal from our kitchen window, I still felt the need to go down with him. He was well pleased because he managed to catch two fish whilst we were there, but I panicked cos being a mum I am not the best person to assist with holding a fish whilst getting the hook out! We then went down the stables and mucked out and fed our horses, and now we are sitting side by side on our laptops. What has everyone else been up to?

Who said we need men to support us - I work my socks off to enable us to have a half decent life, but at least I havent got the ex husband saying I am using his money......although I wouldnt turn it down cos he should be bloomin paying!! Pratt!

gottasavecash

Just spend the day at the science centre. DD had a great time and we'll be back again soon i think. I get in as a carer so it's no so costly for us.

Had a bit of a crappy week. Went to pre-school meeting for Amber, kids with special needs have these every 6 months. DD is signed up to go to Mainstream School with 100 percent support for primary one. The Speech Therapist pipes up that she has grave concerns re DD going to mainstream school as she is only at a 1-2 word level speech wise.

DD hates Speech Therapist and does not co-operate with her, she uses 1-2 and 3-4 words at home, sometimes more. Was also told that DD may not receive 100 percent support as funding is not so easy to get authorised. Am now on a one woman battle to get the support DD needs, there have been many children placed in mainstream at this level of speech and she is very social and only moderately affected by her disability. She copies everything that happens around her and i beleive she will thrive in Mainsteam Education.

I am going to write, call and drop in to see head of education for the next few months until i have it in writing that DD is receiving full support, they've got a fight on their hands that's for sure. I will go to whatever extreme necessary, DD has a right to be educated in Mainstream School and that's what educational physcologist has recommended.

Just feels like it's another challenge sent my way just when i'm trying to work out how i'm going to manage childcare wise getting back out into the real adult world. This is going to take up yet more time.

Sorry to moan but it's really getting my goat. And what about those other people who don't have the ability to go and fight so hard for their childs corner!

Karin

MrsB68

Sorry to hear that you are having to fight for your daughters education needs. That is dreadful. Have the school said that they are having difficulty in getting the funding? They should be supporting you all the way and getting the funding that your daughter needs. Have you also been in touch with the School Nurse as she may be able to offer further advice? Do you have a child development centre which is funded by the NHS local to you? If so, get your doctor, school nurse or speech therapist to refer you to one, they are really good in helping with children with disabilities. At least one of those should be able to tell you if there is one in your area as they all work together. I work for the NHS and I know all the facilities that are available so if I can help any further please let me know. What about contacting your local MP for support too and getting them to fight your corner. Good Luck!

gottasavecash

piggybank68 wrote: »

Sorry to hear that you are having to fight for your daughters education needs. That is dreadful. Have the school said that they are having difficulty in getting the funding? They should be supporting you all the way and getting the funding that your daughter needs. Have you also been in touch with the School Nurse as she may be able to offer further advice? Do you have a child development centre which is funded by the NHS local to you? If so, get your doctor, school nurse or speech therapist to refer you to one, they are really good in helping with children with disabilities. At least one of those should be able to tell you if there is one in your area as they all work together. I work for the NHS and I know all the facilities that are available so if I can help any further please let me know. What about contacting your local MP for support too and getting them to fight your corner. Good Luck!

I have become a bit of pro in dealing with NHS etc, i have a hopeless paediatrician, a health visitor who is a bit threatened by how much i know. The school are welcoming DD with open arms, that is not the problem, they are receiving major support and training to enable them to have DD at their school.

I go to a privately funded developmental program based in Somerset and they will be supporting me in writing, alongside Child Phycologist. Speech Therapist cannot deny now what she says which actually gives me a stronger case for a co-ordinated support plan, meaning additional S and L Therapy required. I think she has said this simply because there are also cut-back's in S and L therapy accross they board and she would have to give continuing Therapy when DD's at school which she reckons witll be virtually nil. Not my problem. Not my DD's problem.

So long as i get the CSP, which my daughter is entitled to, it is all then legally binding. Funny enough my local MP has recently become head of local council and i have contacted him a few times re housing etc. You better beleive he'll be seeing me again !

Thanks so much for the information but i'm not one to leave things, i've kind of been preparing for this, studying up on rights etc. Next spet is get a social worker, only been on waiting list for 7 months !

Thanks again

98sidney

atpug wrote: »

hi all
i am single dad..i have just finished ironing his school clothes, washing his other stuff, taking him to the park and just woken up from sleeping on the sofa. I have no idea how single parents cope if they have more than 1 kid!
good luck to you all:)

I think having more then one child when being a single parent helps sometimes. As my 2 children play together, whilst I can run around and do jobs round the house. On the down side they argue at times which causes mayhem, but my 2 kids are very close and soon sort it out. Having said that you are doing better then me today, as my kids school uniform are still lurking in the ironing basket, and havent got school bags ready either.:eek: