Calling All Single Parents

Sunnydoo

Hi everyone

What's an iron ?!

DD's friend invited her round unexpectedly this after noon so i didn't have to make her tea & had several hours to catch up on uni work-lovely surprise & DD enjoyed herself playing with her friend too

Another 2 weeks at uni then reading week which fortunately co-incides with half term,usually i have to grovel to freinds or pay the childminder a small fortune

Hope everyone has good week

98sidney

Hi, I am going to have a good week as my ex who is a so called dad to my kids is in court, and his mother wanted me to go so the judge couls see he had support. Yeah I will go and will also take a big sign reading HANG HIM.. I believe he is now being punished for all the bad treatment he gave me and the bad treatment he gave the woman he left me for, was is it they say what goes around comes around.

Diamond78

Hi Mums and Dads,
How are u all?Good I hope.Welcome to those that are new on this thread. Sorry to those as Ive not been on for a while. Had a hard, stressful week-nothing new really but I was on my blob(monthly) so that was like a double blow for me. Not the nicest feeling is it girls.Mine are bad so it really slows me down and I get a bit weak so cannot do as much as I would normally.

Took littleman docs about his sleeping problems and I said I didnt want him on any kind of medication as he is only young(6 in march). I explained to the gp about the things that has happened in our lives and he agreed that my son has suffered as a result of the things that have happened. Those that have caused my son all the distress, well I wish them worse. So he has refered my son to see a child psyastrist(sorry about spelling) Im actually quite upset as I dont want my son in a way having a therapist, its not nice in the way of he has got to have this due to what he has suffered. Had the ppl he loved in his life not kept messing with his head then he would not need to see a therapist at age 5. But then saying that I allowed his dad to come in his life in and out over the 5 years nearly 6 and his family too. I feel sometimes I cannot do anything right.Either way what ever I do I feel I am to blame as I am the adult who allows and decides things.I dont think some ppl realise how tough it can be.If I hadnt allowed my son to see his dad and his family then my son maybe would of grown up to resent me altho I had every right to stop them due to the abuse and violence but my son wanted contact so I let him have contact and I cannot beg his dad to be a dad to him when he has no time for my son.

Had another double blow when we went dentist friday.How I dread the dentist.When my son was 2, he slipped and chipped his front tooth on the wooden flooring I had.As a result his tooth started rotting and the dentist said he had to have it out under general anastetic.It is quite scary!!I told his dad back then about the minor op he would have to have but he ignored it and never bothered coming to the hospital.It was awful as my son had to be pinned down by the nurses so he could have the general anastetic-i was brave not crying in front of him but i was in tears when I had to leave the theatre.It only took 15mins.Anyway my sons back tooth has started to rot and he has to have the same thing happen again.I cried when he said it coz I feel again Its my fault.My son was actually quite happy as he is now going to get a day off school but the thought of him being forced a injection and that thing over his mouth really upsets me. I have to take the letter into hospital tomoro and will be told what date.

Since I last rang ex nearly 2 weeks ago so littleman could speak he told me to f@@@ off.He was drunk and high as usual when his not working.I sent a message fri saying he had been refered for therapy and he had to go in hospital to have his tooth out.has he bothered-nope. I rang my ex's parents who he isnt speaking to either and even tho they dont bother with my son they say we are welcome to go and see them.It is always us that has to go to their home but Im fed up with it as I dont drive and its 3 buses there and takes an hour without traffic.But i still do it about once a month.I have not been since boxing day and I rang them yday and said I would take him to them tuesday.My son is more interested in the kids his nan looks after as she is a childminder. It should be a 2 way thing and they have a car but there is always a reason with them.

For the 1st time in a long time me and my son had a really nice day today.I dont like going out in crowded places,I suffer with panic attacks and anxiety but I took him to the O2 arena and we went ice skating for the 1st time.we took a boat across which was quite cheap but iceskating was pricey-I wish they did discounts for us single parents.We had a laugh but i couldnt help feeling sad like i do when we go somewhere that majority of the ppl was there as a family 2 parents and kids, the restauarnts and bars were packed with families but we couldnt afford it so went to mcdonalds after getting to boat back.Im glad i went tho as we had a great time,just wish I could do things like that more often.

Anyway guys,better go and iron my boys clothes for tomoro,my back is killing me so Im going to try and have an early nite.Wishing u all a lovely week ahead.Chat soon xx

Diamond78

98sidney dont blame you hun, it wont be long before my ex gets arrested and goes to court.he has a long history of being violent and abusive incl towards me which most is recorded.Im shocked he has managed to keep his well earned job in the public sector and enjoy the life style he has. sad thing is, he drinks and now is bang on drugs. maybe in a way its a good thing he has decided not to bother with my son yet again as its a habit of his every year before my sons bday, he promised my son an xbox 360, im stuffed as I cannot afford to get my son that and my son wont be getting it coz sperm would rather spend it on his drugs. But you are so right what goes around comes around 10 times worse. he wont have his cushty job forever earning lots, he will get caught out oneday and loose everything. Thats what happens to stingy people who do not face up to their responsibilities.

alibambino

Hi everyone i found this thead by accident, but im glad i did. I am a single parent i have a ds who is 16 and a dd who is 13 and they are the best thing that has happened to me, i have been on my own with them since my ds was three, its been hard really hard at times, but to be part of my kids life has been amazing and im so proud of the way they have turned out, polite, well mannered, and balanced young people, i work i support them ive only just started to get regular money of the CSA that is until my ex decides to leave his job again, but hey ho it will be nice while it lasts.My dc decided that they didnt want to see their dad anymore after several years of him letting them down etc, it wasnt what i wanted for my kids but we are really close and have a fab relationship and thats down to the work the kids and i have put in, in making sure its great, im not saying its perfect not with all these teenage hormones going round, but we have lots of laughs, so all the sp who are struggling i want you to know that it was a struggle for me to, but you do get through it. So chins up and be proud of yourself !!!!!!!!!!!!

98sidney

Hello DIAMOND78. My Ex did the pot lark, could cope with that but then the heavier drugs came in, then the violence started never reported it though, and would always hit me where people wouldnt see the marks. Found out he was seeing another woman was told by him and his family it was only 2 months so took him back. one night got a phone call from that woman asking if I wanted to know what was going on, so I said yes so went outside to meet her, she didnt say a word just proudly showed me her engagement ring that my ex has given her, My whole world shattered that nite as I was also 5 and a half months pregnant with my daughter. I calmy spoke to her and asked how long and was told 2 and a half years. I kicked him out and had to go to court to get him off my tenancy. I kept in contact with the other woman, and could clearly see she had been treated badly by him too but truly loved him.

My mum told me I had to be the sensible one so I never stopped contact, and I never told the other woman that he proposed to me with the exact same ring a week before.

There is alot more to this story and if I went on jeremey kyle he wouldnt believe me. I have never told my son why his dad no longer lives here or why his sister has a different surname even though they have the same dad, I know one day he will ask but I honestly have no idea how to explain it to him.

Anyway I have come out fighting and have become a stronger person because of it. I am doing a open uni course, and I am trying to find a job I can fit in round my 2kids. Thats one of the 2 things I will never forgive my ex for, making me lose the job I loved doing. and 2nd one was denying my daughter was his so as a result didnt put his name on the certificate.

Diamond78

Hi 98sidney,
You poor thing, u have suffered like me.His a pig your ex,just like mine.They brainwash u some how which is why we probaly took them back in the past.Thank god its in the past.Mine cheated on me and even gave me chylmadia.I found that out the same time I found out I was pregnant.My world crashed. I use to belive everything he said back then, i cant belive how stupid and naive i was.Like you he ruined my job we worked for the same company but coz of the violence he caused a bad back injury which I am still suffering with now and will do for the rest of my life.he has caused me to have to leave my home and go to womens refuges.he done that twice to me and bothe was just b4 xmas so my sons 1st and 2nd xmas and bdays was spent in different refuges.The only time he gets in touch is when he has been dumped by who ever he is seing. The thing is I always made it clear I would never get back with him and it took a while for me to get stronger and actually say no without being in fear. Altho im stronger now I am still scared as I feel when his had to drugs and drink he can come over as he seems to blame me for his life being ruined. Actually he isruining it by drinking and doing drugs.Im not forcing things up his nose or forcing him to do what ever else it is he does.He gets back a good wage, he wears designer clothes, he goes on expensive golf holidays, not forgetting the aount he spends on his drugs. He has 3 other kids from 3 other women.One hes never seen and lives abroad according to him, the other is up north who he pays thru the CSA and her mum gets £80 a week, the other lives close by and local and she gets mjoney to, but my son gets nothing and thats what annoys me.All these years he has got away with it as each time ive told him im going to go csa Ive either got a beating or he makes threats. But now im stronger than ever, I may of lost our homes we have lived in, my furniture I have had to leave behind, I may have had to start again all the time but I have promised my son this is the last.

he knows where I live now, but I will move oneday, I hope in the next few months and when i do he will not know.I always offered him supervised visits but he refused.The courts issued him injunctions b4, think i have had atleast 3 as he was a threat to us but I never stopped him seing his son.Soon as I would not6 sleep with him or get back with him he turns nasty and tells ppls lies that I have stopped him seing his son.His true colours are showing slowly. I could be a cow and ruin everything but I am waiting for the right moment.Not to be a cow but to do what I should of done years ago and that was to go CSA. I might even not bother as my son doesnt want to see him no more as he knows his dad has walked away again.He does it every birthday, while im to blame aswell for allowing him in my sons life I feel I had no choice as I was in fear and felt threatend.

My son will no I have not stopped him seing his father, he now knows for himself and although my son is still young and will probaly oneday want to see his dad it wont be for a while.Once I move, I hope to get my depresion sorted,altho it will never go I will work at getting myself better.Im going to do a course and get a qualifaction and eventually get a job. My ex always said that if i ever went to the csa, he would leave the country so he dont pay and i would make his other 2 kids suffer as they would not get money coz of me.He has used that against me for years, so i feel its not worth it some times. i am angered that he has got away with most of his stuff he has done,but he wont be lucky next time.He was last issued with a warning and if he threatens me in anyway or causes harm he will get done.Its sick that he still has his job with what he does ie drink and drugs but his employers know and refuse to do anything about it.Oneday he will get caugh red handed.

Diamond78

Is it hard doing a unicourse?Is it expensive? I was going to doa teaching assistant course which is thru the adult education via my local council but even tho i am on benefits which i dont want to be but have no choice i still would have to pay £305.Its a lot of money which i also dont have. I dont have proper qualifications either as I went to secondary school abroad. My ex had a great way of putting me down so I dont have much confidence or self esteem but I really want to study so it can help me into employment eventually. I want to study to learn and gain a qualification.

I always wanted to be a proffesional dancer but thats never going to happen as my back is ruined thanks to him but it wont stop me achieving other things.

My 2nd ambition is to be a jounalist, i would love to uncover a lot of things bit like roger cook lol, i have looked around at these courses but i dont think i could do a course from home, ive become slow since becoming a mum and my depression getting worse so I feel I would not manage nor be able to do it.

i also changed my sons surname aswell as mine by deedpole. My son had his dads surname and still does on his birth certificate and my son knows he has 2 different surnames but i felt it was not right to use his dads surname when hes dad or his family dont treat him like family.My son is not 2nd best to no one, i only changed it a year and a half ago, by ex was screwing so was his family but tough, they had enough oppurtunities and treated my son like the black sheep. Not no more.

98sidney

You are a true diamond78.. You remain strong yes I know that brainwashing stage, and looking back now you would think I was on the drugs as I excused everything, and it wasnt until his brother witnessed my ex strangling me that they believed he was being violent.

You go to the CSA not that he will pay much as mine doesnt as he has a mortgage and also like you has other children, which he denied existed even though my son told me everything about them but thats another story.

Like I say you go the CSA and if he leaves the country by the sounds of things you will be doing yourself and all his other kids a huge favour getting him away from him.

I do my course through the open uni, its nice to do something for me again.

I had a Nursing job where I was on £18-28 an hour, but it was agency work through a hospital nursing agency, and to get taken on by them you had to have at least 8 years of nursing experience and 4 refs which 2 had to be from matrons, I aimed to get a job with them and was so happy when I achieved it. I had no choice but to leave and I have been thinking of applying again but as it is agency I wont have a guaranteed wage coming in each week, and as a sole provider that is something you need isnt it.

Diamond78

Awww your so nice, its always the nice ones that suffer isnt it?and pigs that are cowards and bullies like that are ones that get away with it but not forever.

I have to learn to love myself, build up my confidence and self esteem and I know then I will be on the rpad of recovery. You still blame yourself a bit but you see, you are wrong hun, it was never your fault anyway and you allowed him in your life coz when ppl are like that you try to help them, you never know the true extent to someones drug taking as they are so good at hiding just how bad they are using.Well atleast we know we once cared and tried to help them, allowed them to have a home which they ruined and destroyed.You can onky give someone so many chances.

Your are very brave and should be proud of yourself for what you have achieved. Especially that your doing a course-that is fantastic and you will get far in your life with your kids pproud of you and looking up to you.

You deserve a medal xx