Money Moral Dilemma: How do I persuade my children to pay rent once they're home from university?

mouse477 · 30 July at 2:31PM

Simple: CHANGE THE LOCKS. When I got a holiday job, age 18, Mum insisted I pay towards my 'keep'. I was annoyed, but paid up, after she and Dad sat down and showed me the financial accounts. I am now extremely grateful that they did. Your 'children' need to grow up.
Of course, if you don't want to change the locks, you could always rent their rooms out!!!!

kags · 30 July at 3:03PM

I can’t believe you’re having to ask them to pay rent: when I returned home after university I _offered_ to do so!
Presumably they’ve been paying rent, buying food, paying bills for the time they’ve been at university: why on earth do they think things should suddenly become free now?
I suppose it’s difficult to physically bar them from the house … I guess the alternative is to move to a smaller proper with no room for them (drastic though that sounds!)

lewisiablue · 30 July at 3:24PM

Why wouldn't you charge them rent? Nothing comes for free, and they need to learn that lesson. What you do with that money depends on your circumstances. If you don't need the extra money then put it away for them, but do not tell them. If you do need the money to help with food and bills then use it as necessary. Do not let people make you feel guilty for charging your children rent.

middlewife · 30 July at 3:31PM

3 of our 4 adult children have returned home at various points, 2 between uni and getting jobs, both did 2 uni courses, one left school and went to work but he got the same money his 3 siblings got from parental contributions to student loan when he turned 21. With all of them we made it clear in advance that they would be expected to pay their share of bills, once they were earning. They could choose whether to buy their own food or pay more rent and have food cooked for them. The only one who tried to protest was the one who didn't go to uni and is now a chartered accountant, he soon backed down once shown the bills and realising renting privately would cost him twice as much. The one who had a breakdown at uni, repaid his debts and actually felt better for being able to see a way out of his troubles, he managed to save the £9k needed to re do one of his uni years and they are all good at budgeting, their incomes varying from £21k to £50k. The sooner you set the expectations the better. Show them a budget for home v private renting and how much better off they will be. Also set a rent review quarterly, so if there's a massive increase in energy use, you can address this.

lottie48 · 30 July at 4:24PM

A friend (& no, it wasn't me!) asked her adult children to pay rent once they were earning enough to be able to do so. She didn't charge the going rate, just enough to cover some basic costs. What she actually did was set the money aside & returned it to them once they moved out (or in case some other Big Event happened). Obviously this depends on your - & their - personal circumstances.

oystercatcher · 30 July at 4:29PM

I don't understand the 'teach them the cost of living ' thing. These adults have been living independently at uni for at least three years , they don't live on fresh air there ! They have been paying rent bills and buying food all that time .

When my youngsters reurned home for a short time I just encouraged them to save their money towards getting their own place, and they did !!

RAS · 30 July at 4:40PM

If an adult child lives with their parent who receives rent support, then the parent's UC claim will be reduced by the non-dependant adult deduction. The assumption is that the young adult will pay this to the parent from their wages. I'm not sure how this runs if both are in receipt of benefits.

Added to which the young adult has to claim UC to cover their own living costs unless they work.

We've seen numerous instances where parents, and particularly single parents, get into serious debt because they haven't understood the extent to which their income will reduce and that their household income is now dependant on their adult child's UC claim or employment.

And those on low incomes can lose all benefits and any CMA as well, whilst the government expects young people to live at home. Both parent and child can end up in pretty scary places financially.

Katecooks · 30 July at 4:45PM

CapeTown said:

Ask them for rent and insist they pay the going rate.

I wouldn't ask them to pay the going rate; if you love your children do you really want to make a profit from them? Instead set a 'fair' rent for the amount they are costing you in utility bills and make sure they open a savings account for the future. You don't have to cook all their meals/do all laundry etc - they need to help around the house too. Set rules: be a parent, not a profit-making landlord or a servant.

primrose_penguin · 30 July at 5:14PM

Once they start earning they should pay you rent, I agree with you that they need to learn life is not free, if they refuse then tell them they must find themselves a flat or alternative accommodation as you cannot afford to keep them, they will find it much harder when they also have to pay for their food, electricity etc. on top of rent. When I left school many years ago I went straight into employment and gave my Mum a portion of my wages, as I still lived at home. They should be grateful you are still offering to partially support them while they start their working lives, otherwise they are going to have a shock when they do leave home. Stick to your guns and good luck.