Money Moral Dilemma: How do I persuade my children to pay rent once they're home from university?

silvercar

moneysaverexplorer said:

Oh @Emmia ..... I'm a newbie to Forum chats/posts - I didn't pick up on that?  So for clarity, is this not a real life scenario? I've been sharing my views and advice for what reason?  Am I the only one to discover this - mildly embarassing to say the least?

This is a scenario that a forum user has submitted. The MSE team share it widely to increase traction. No embarrassment necessary.

occasionally people make a comment on the thread acknowledging that it was their MMD, though that is quite rare.

silvercar

strawb_shortcake said:

I found out today that a distant cousin has had their 4 adult children, their spouses and collection of grandchildren all move back home! It is a pretty big house. They've built a couple of small dwellings that some of them live in. But my cousin cooks for 16 every night, I've no idea how they go about charging keep or not but all 10 adults work of some description.

Multi generational living is the norm in some countries and cultures. Whereas a lot of people in this country seem to consider their offspring as profit making opportunities. Sad really.

treelass1

Hello.
I’m not sure if you asked for a little ‘rent’ when your children came home during the holidays during  their three years (or more) at University .
Our three children all offered without being asked. They all got jobs (part time) during the university holidays and paid us a third of their wages. They upped their rent when they graduated and came home. They were all over 18 which means they were adults. 

I have two friends who gave free bed and board to their children during and after university. They are regretting it now. Their children have changed in their attitude. Quite entitled. (This last sentence came from their parents.)
So although it will be difficult, PLEASE charge them a proper rent and meals. If they are over 10 years old, they should be doing their own laundry.
I understand that they need to save money to move out but I and my husband did all this . We’re in our mid 60’s and not for a minute did we leach off our parents.
Be firm and fair.
If need be, remind them that their good life is impacting on yours

florianatwobob

As soon as I had an income coming in I was expected to pay a proportion to my living costs at home. My first income was a dole check in the late 90s. When I started working this increased to my percentage of the household running costs over a period of time. 

Mum and Dad had laid the grown rules from an early age. I’d seen my siblings go through the same. The alternative was living elsewhere with higher costs. Included in my housekeeping was food/general utilities and dinner cooked ‘for the workers’ when they came home. My personal bills/food purchases  were my own business but there was an expectation that I would also save some of each pay packet regardless of if I was paid weekly or monthly. 

When I was temping and work was scarce I was occasionally offered a free week but as I had savings and the bills still needed to be paid I didn’t take Mum up on the offer. 

CuppaTea

I haven't read all the 9 pages of this thread just the first 2 and last one.  
My thoughts are grown up children should pay rent of some sort and contribute physically around the house with chores etc.  They should also be saving for moving out - a LISA or similar.  
For those that say in the past they did this and that and managed by themselves, I don't think by today's standards this is far to apply to this generation.  Wages are not proportionate to rent or mortgages.  This generation have it so tough to even get a deposit for either.  
But I agree they shouldn't feel entitled to live for free.  Mine are 17 and 18 and already know they are expected to contribute when its their time.  I can't afford for them not to.  

Giraffe76

All I would do is say I expect you to pay X per week or month. If you can't or don't want to pay that as adults I'm not legally obligated to have you back in MY home and you are more than welcome to explore other options available to you

Apron75

I totally disagree. They've just finished University. Life is tough enough. If there walking into their dream job, then fair enough. Otherwise charging them rent, without them knowing what they want to do, and trying to figure out the next steps in their career is enough without them thinking about their parent wanting to charge them. 
Do you want them to rush into any job and potentially be unhappy. 
Space, a year or so, to breathe, decompress and figure out life could be one of the best years of their life, and lead them to finding fullfilment as they have breathing space to decompress. 

And as for WiFi as a perk, that's ridiculous. They can get it free down at McDonald's. You're their parent, you birthed them, their not now a money making project. Give them space, nurture and support.

matt_outandabout

I have not read all 9 pages.
What a self-centred and disrespectful attitude from your children. 

I have told mine for years that if they were not in full time education, they would be paying rent and food contribution.. I charge about 20% less than the going rate and I also save half the money into a savings account. They know I do this, and the account has been there for years through Uni / early working life, and they know it was a 'slush fund' for emergencies such as needing a new laptop at college or uni, or as I had recently to lend the cost of a cheap first car so he could start a job and repay over the first 4 months of his job.
They understand that the house costs money to maintain, the bills for gas, electric, broadband, insurance etc add up, and of course they are eating a lot each month.

Time to sit down and have a blunt conversation in my view. They need to respect your house, your effort and support and pay a rent and contribute to food and bills. If not, you have three months to find your own place and pay full rent, full bills and cook your own food.

Being this direct will be good for them in the long term.

matt_outandabout

I should add: the two still living at home pay rent/food/bills and are both maxing out LISA each AND saving each month - about 50% of their salary is into savings at present. This is in relatively low-paid jobs, they do not drive flashy cars and holiday modestly, buy all their own clothes etc and still have money to 'enjoy' on beer, taking part in sports and nights out.

CapeTown

Katecooks said:

CapeTown said:

 Ask them for rent and insist they pay the going rate.

I wouldn't ask them to pay the going rate; if you love your children do you really want to make a profit from them? Instead set a 'fair' rent for the amount they are costing you in utility bills and make sure they open a savings account for the future. You don't have to cook all their meals/do all laundry etc - they need to help around the house too. Set rules: be a parent, not a profit-making landlord or a servant. 

What you didn't do is quote my next sentence.  I would suggest to them that maybe you put half of the rent received into a savings account for them so they can blooming well move out and experience life in the real world  

I charged my daughter and my son the going rate - putting most of it aside. I have just handed my daughter a considerable deposit for a house that she is buying - money that would not have been there had I not saved it for her. I will be doing the same for my son when he buys