Money Moral Dilemma: How do I persuade my children to pay rent once they're home from university?

aaRennie

Treat them like you would a stranger lodging in YOUR home.
No rent, No room.

pf7251

It seems everyone's jumping the gun here. They're returning after university but no mention of having yet secured a job.
So surely a stepped change where they're always welcome to stay but need to understand that everything (water, rent/mortgage, food) costs money.
Give them notice that they need to start finding work and contributing to the household income by a set time (to focus their minds), but don't make them feel like strangers in their own home.
It's a fine line, but good luck!

Pollycat

pf7251 said:

It seems everyone's jumping the gun here. They're returning after university but no mention of having yet secured a job.
So surely a stepped change where they're always welcome to stay but need to understand that everything (water, rent/mortgage, food) costs money.
Give them notice that they need to start finding work and contributing to the household income by a set time (to focus their minds), but don't make them feel like strangers in their own home.
It's a fine line, but good luck!

I agree that an extra person in the house will result in higher costs for energy, water, food, possibly council tax but don't understand why you think an adult child should contribute to rent or mortgage as that will not change... 

LST

Really they should pay their share of the bills but very few parents do that I my self ask for a decent contribution and to live by the rule of the household no late nights excessive noise keeping the place tidy etc if they don't agree find a place of their own and grow up.

BNJ

Depends on your situation.

If you're on benfits/low income such that you need that money to pay bills then explain this and ensure they can see how you are spending it. Do not take "no" for an answer. Sometimes you have to be cruel to bring home the realities of life. If they aren't job hunting turn off the WiFi (or change the router password) so they have to go elsewhere to play games/do social media etc.(or limit their time if you have such controls available). Worst case, dump their stuff outside and see how they like being "evicted" for lack of payment. (Not saying you'd leave them roofless but it may make the point).

If you can afford to do so explain its to help them "understand the cost of being alive as an adult" that it'll be put into a savings account and returned when they leave home. OR they can leave home now!

bluetwink

refusing to pay you !!! refuse to gave them back   my son came back and his first words were how much do you want me to pay you    I took an amount , we don’t need the money, the water, gas  electricity went up  i put the money in account and paid the occasional bill out of it   when he leaves i will give him the rest back   

PeggyR

In our opinion, once 'children' have left full time education, they should pay their way. It's a case of 'this is the plan/situation', if you dont agree, move out. It is your home, and obviously  for family/visitors, however, it is increasingly expensive to run a home and everyone should pay their way. It worked when we were living at home and it worked for our own family and our friends. There hasn't been any argument, once finances were explained, it was understood. 

Shezza11

There should be no persuading. Let them check the going rate for places and add the cost of utilities, food, etc., and then decide from there. They don't like your rates? Let them know they are welcome to come and visit once they have found their ideal place. You are helping them, not the other way around. Parenting never ends and I applaud you for realising you would do more harm than good by not charging

MustangMel

Any child should feel that they have home and safe place with their parents/guardians regardless of their age. 

I agree that they should be paying a contribution towards the home they are sharing with all that live there, at the end of the day the utilities and food costs are going to increase - so it’s only fair. Plus it’s conditioning them with financial responsibility for when they move on. 

I don’t agree with profiteering from your child, and if my son wanted to come back home to live with me (providing he had an income and was working) he would totally have to agree to paying a fair contribution. 

If he wasn’t working then, I would not see him struggling and support him where I could until he was back on his feet - that is what being a parent is all about! 

It is almost impossible for younger adults to get on the property ladder these days, so, I would put the money he pays me into a savings account to help towards a deposit in the future 

grandadsussexleftofcentre

I have to say I found this debate and tone quite shocking and sad. On a pragmatic level, if you rent rooms you will be liable for tax above the HMRC homeowner/lodger threshold. You would presumably also need to inform building, contacts insurer and any mortgage provider. If you receive any means tested benefits that needs addressing.  You would if going down the ‘proper rent’ route need to create a formal tenancy which gives them rights as well as responsibilities. However that’s really not the issue. It is reasonable to expect them to find work, and it reasonable to expect if they have an income contribution to the actual additional costs to you of them being there. However are you really going to evict them, make them homeless?I don’t feel a judgmental and punitive approach (not you, just in general) is a good way to teach young people what adulthood should be like. I don’t think young people nowadays lack experience to teach them how tough adult life is.  Maybe ask them what they think is reasonable, and what in the future they would expect of their children. Maybe offer to charge ‘rent’ but save it for them so they build a fund to finance that first tenancy in the real world. It is difficult for young people to voluntarily save for this, so that does seem within a legitimate parenting role. Finally, how much are you planning to pay them if you ever become infirm and need their help. Social care is expensive so a good discussion now about what rates from private sector you would use as guidelines per hour makes perfect sense while researching local commercial rents.