Money Moral Dilemma: How do I persuade my children to pay rent once they're home from university?

silvercar

Which of these expenses (rent, council tax, electricity/gas, water, wi-fi, laundry, groceries and cooked meals

Rent - you are paying anyway

Council tax - you are paying anyway, unless a single person household, where the extra would be the difference between 75% and 100% of the rate.

Electric/gas/ water - most of which you are paying anyway, probably some extra usage

Wi-Fi- usually a set rate, unless you increase the bandwidth

Laundry - some extra loads, though generally you’d wash clothes together

Groceries - some

Cooked meals - some extra costs. 

It certainly doesn’t amount to the rent a private landlord would charge!

yorkiejohn2

We asked our daughter to pay a reasonable but below market level rent when she returned from university - it was cheaper than if she rented privately and we were glad to have her back with us.  We were able to support her in finding work, and she helped with the housework too.  It worked well.  What she didn't realise is that the money she was paying us in rent was put in a separate savings account, so when she was moving out (after a couple of years) and needed the cash, we were able to give it to her as a gift.

Bobz

When my daughter moved home, as she was already used to paying rent each month I requested that she paid meamount as she had been paying, on the same date each month by direct debit. The 'profit' portion of the rent (which worked out at 50%) of what she was paying went into a pot which I gave back to her when she bought her first property. The remaining 50% paid for the actual cost of her living back at home - electricity, food etc. It helped her to budget, and no resentment about the outlay as she knew that she'd get a sum of money back when she moved out (although that would be down to you whether you tell them, I did so as my daughter was insensed at the prospect of me taking this much money from her)

Jukebox696969

I have to say, I'm surprised and saddened my 90% of the comments on here!!
I'm sure everyone loves their kids, but apparently most of you don't seem to like them!
Ours situation is this...
Myself and my wife have 20 and 21 year old daughters, we are fairly young parents and both in full time work. We have a 5 bed house and both our children still live with us. We do ok but by no means are we rich!
Both our children are now in full time work and earn around 25k a year each. 
They still live with us, mostly because they want to and we want them to..... 
They agreed to put a large chunk of their wages into savings accounts so that when the time is right and they have enough money, they can buy a house and get on the ladder. They are not out getting drunk 5 nights a week and wasting their money either....
Do I want them paying £900 a month to rent a 1 bedroom flat.... NO!
Do I want them paying someone £400 a month to rent a 10ftx10ft room.... NO!
They currently give my wife £75 a month each to go towards some food shopping. Obviously this doesn't cover much, but so what.... 
People saying change the locks etc actually makes me feel a little sick.... these are our kids, once they have grown up and moved out we will likely see them way less, which will be a shame, but part of life. 
We still go on family holidays together and they pay for themselves and want to come. 
Throwing them out on the street if they don't pay "a going rate" to me is an awful way of looking at life.
If you actually need the money as you are struggling to pay bills then absolutely they absolutely should help, however the only thing you are teaching them by "changing the locks" is that you don't really care where they go or what they do, as long as they don't live with you. 
Maybe we are just very close as a family, I didn't think we were any different than most, but reading this makes me think we probably are. As far as I am concerned, as long as we have the finances to help them create better lives for themselves in the future, our children can live with us for as long as they like. 

yp70479

When I graduated in the '80s, I was earning less than £5000 before tax. I moved back home and Mum asked for £200 a month (not sure where she got that figure from), but said that she would halve it if I opened a savings account and put the other £100 in it and didn't touch it while I lived at home. The idea was that I would both contribute to the home (just like she had done with her mum) but I would also learn the value of savings. Contributions to both went up as I earned more, and by the time I moved out I had the deposit for my first flat. She managed to instill the idea that nothing comes for free - you have to earn it, but also that you have to save for what you want - it doesn't get given to you for free.
I'm not sure I would ask for the going rate for rent, but I would definitely ask for something. Give them the choice of X amount , or X-Y if they agree to save Y. Gifting them Y when they move out doesn't have the same impact as saving it yourself.

Pollycat

Jukebox696969 said:

I have to say, I'm surprised and saddened my 90% of the comments on here!!
I'm sure everyone loves their kids, but apparently most of you don't seem to like them!
Ours situation is this...
Myself and my wife have 20 and 21 year old daughters, we are fairly young parents and both in full time work. We have a 5 bed house and both our children still live with us. We do ok but by no means are we rich!
Both our children are now in full time work and earn around 25k a year each. 
They still live with us, mostly because they want to and we want them to..... 
They agreed to put a large chunk of their wages into savings accounts so that when the time is right and they have enough money, they can buy a house and get on the ladder. They are not out getting drunk 5 nights a week and wasting their money either....
Do I want them paying £900 a month to rent a 1 bedroom flat.... NO!
Do I want them paying someone £400 a month to rent a 10ftx10ft room.... NO!
They currently give my wife £75 a month each to go towards some food shopping. Obviously this doesn't cover much, but so what.... 
People saying change the locks etc actually makes me feel a little sick.... these are our kids, once they have grown up and moved out we will likely see them way less, which will be a shame, but part of life. 
We still go on family holidays together and they pay for themselves and want to come. 
Throwing them out on the street if they don't pay "a going rate" to me is an awful way of looking at life.
If you actually need the money as you are struggling to pay bills then absolutely they absolutely should help, however the only thing you are teaching them by "changing the locks" is that you don't really care where they go or what they do, as long as they don't live with you. 
Maybe we are just very close as a family, I didn't think we were any different than most, but reading this makes me think we probably are. As far as I am concerned, as long as we have the finances to help them create better lives for themselves in the future, our children can live with us for as long as they like. 

But you are judging other people's comments based on your children.

Not everybody has 20 & 21 year old children living at home who have reasonably paid jobs.
Not everybody has adult children living at home who are sensible enough to save towards their own future.
Not everybody can afford to let their children live at home for just £75.00 per month towards food.

My friend's daughter has just packed University in and moved home.
The additional costs to her Mum are not insignificant.
Full council tax instead of 75%.
Hugely increased food bills - she eats a lot and own brands are not acceptable.
Additional laundry loads. She wears clothes once.
She expects her Mum to take her places in her Mum's car and pick her up, so increased fuel costs and wear on tear on the car.
Showers twice a day.
When you're living on a tight budget, an extra person in your home can make a big difference.

After reading lots of threads on here about adult kids laying in bed until lunchtime, playing on xboxes etc, I think you are lucky in your children.
It may be nature or nurture but perhaps consider the other side of the coin...

tindella

I just find it sad that they think so little of the people that raised them, they don't feel they should pay their way!  How self-absorbed are they?

Mijoed

We charged our daughter rent when she came back to live  with my wife and I for around six months. I was glad I did and I don’t think we made any profit from it. She is a fitness freak, showers twice a day, two washing machine loads a day, eats like a horse, leaves lights on, taps running, doors open when the heating was on. 

DorisfromDerby

Some good advice above. It’s always tricky finding work when it’s your first job. To save everyone stress and upset, I would suggest that you stage the process. First month home,  a small agreed contribution according to what they can afford. Second month the contribution will rise to a more realistic sum. If you can afford to, tell your child that whatever rent they pay, 50% will go into a savings account to put towards future accommodation. They should understand that fresh from uni and with zero experience, they are of low value to an employer and so they should restrain their financial expectations in favour of investing energy and enthusiasm in a career with future prospects, or failing that, working a lesser job that still gives them the self-respect of bringing home a wage. Too many youngsters expect high wages from day one before they’ve proven themselves. Getting  some kind of employment as soon as possible is very important, because idling about without a disciplined routine can be habit-forming. While they can’t afford to pay full rent, allow them to earn “rent credits” by taking responsibility for some household chores. It may feel like you’re bending over backwards, but how many of us when young didn’t take some advantage of our parents’ generosity?

John_Gray

Surely the simplest solution is legal eviction?

They would then be able to experience the costs of renting somewhere else and obtain a valuable insight into the use of the legal system against the financial injustices they were perpetrating on their parent(s)...