Money Moral Dilemma: How do I persuade my children to pay rent once they're home from university?

roubiliac

Change the locks

GenieAllergy

It may need some tough love.  Once they have income, discuss what you expect them to pay and what they will get for their rent. If they refuse, withdraw all services and access to facilities - no meals, laundry, wifi, tv etc.  You are right that they need to learn about the real world. 

keithyno.1

You say they're refusing to pay. Then make it clear that unless they agree to pay, they ain't moving back in with you (and stick to it).

It's your house, so it's on your terms for anybody else who wants to live there, whether they're your children or not.

IvonH

What do you mean:  they are refusing to pay???  What?  Then you refuse to let them stay, say the rooms are occupied.
It seems to me that something has gone wrong in their upbringing when they were younger for them to turn into such entitled so-and-sos.
One of our daughters and our son moved back home temporarily.  They paid some rent (less than the going rate) and helped in the house and garden without ever having to be asked.  They contributed to meals and were a joy to have around.
We actually gave them the money they had paid in rent as a deposit for their first rented flats, but they did not know we were going to do that.  Our other daughter got a similar amount as a present, so she did not miss out.  But respect, courtesy, maturity and decency have to underpin all interactions in a family, not just love.

frugalwin

The going rate seems excessively harsh to be honest. Don’t be surprised if they elect to pay the going rate to live elsewhere, and in a year or so you find yourself wishing they would visit you more often.

I think an amount that offsets your additional costs would be more reasonable, plus an expectation that they save for their next step - perhaps £50 per week board, plus £50 per week into a Lifetime ISA for when they decide to buy a house?

Kat1107

I would charge them their share of household bills incl groceries (this will help them realise life isn't free), and then charge them half of what the going rate for a room in the area is. You can then choose whether to keep it or put it into savings for them for when they wish to get on the property ladder themselves, but still teaches them how to budget and living within their means. I'd say that's not too harsh but also teaches them about finances.

sheramber

I asked for the amount extra I had to lay out when they lived at home. 

Phone was a landline and an jtemised bill so they paid for their own phone calls. 

bikaga

Without contex it seems petty if you're doing it out of principle. Things I'm wondering:

Are their rooms in a self-contained area like a granny flat, with their own kitchen, bath etc?

Would you rent the rooms out to strangers / other family if your kids weren't home? Is there a reason you're charging them rent rather than proportional contributions to things they're using like WiFi, energy bills etc?

Do you have a mortgage or other ongoing cost for the actual living spaces rather than bills?

Do you actually *want* your kids in your house?

Do you need the money?

Are they planning to stay for a long time or just a few weeks until they have "their next step in life" as you say sorted?

Do they have an income?

Are they contributing anything other than money? 

How have they financed their studies? Why do they have a degree and still need this "lesson" from you?

Why is home their first port of call after graduation? [serious question - is it because they can't afford even a flatshare with friends or each other, or because they're really attached to their family, or because you asked them to "come home until they've got something sorted" and you're springing this on them *after* inviting them or is it because they're experienced freeloaders?]

ripongrammargirl

My first job at 18 was as a nanny and I earned £90 per week (1991) with £60 of this going straight to my parents for board and lodgings. I had to do own washing, ironing, cleaning for myself and jobs around the home which I have always enjoyed anyway. The £30 I had was for keeping my car on the road (a £350 very old Citroen that I bought, taxed, insured myself). I have never had any handouts and when I moved out aged 19 and a relationship went wrong, aged 23 (1996) at the other end of the country, I got myself and belongings back to my area, found a (grotty) but within my budget bedsit, walked 2 miles to my job and back again ( no car for 18 months), as there was no way that my parents were letting me move back in despite offering rent money. 2 years later I bought my first home, had a car and 3 jobs. What I’m saying is that your children do not respect you now with their refusal to pay rent, which is disgusting in my belief, so don’t let them
move back in, let alone make demands. Talk about free- loaders. I would have loved to be mollycoddled like this without any responsibilities but I learned, and fast, and it was a great achievement knowing I did everything on my own with no financial help at all. You need some tough love and end it here. They are adults and should be living independently without the bank/house/free ride from mummy and daddy! I just can’t get my head around any of this as it’s ridiculous. 

Marcon

Why do you need to persuade them? Tell them.