Money Moral Dilemma: How do I persuade my children to pay rent once they're home from university?

JainEm

We raise our children to be functioning adults, so allowing them to revert to being 'looked after' post-uni is not beneficial for them. Set your boundaries and stick to them, they will learn that you mean what you say and respect you.

retired19

I can't believe that adults who are at least in their 20s think it's ok to sponge off their parents. We expected all of our adult (18+) offsprings to contribute to the household income if they were earning. Younger than that they helped with the household chores. They all m+f learnt to cook clean and DIY. Yes I got complaints when they were in their teens. The best was "There's no food in this house only ingredients" but when they did leave home they were fully functioning adults. It's not kind to treat them as babies and it's not always easy to say no but you need to respect them enough to do what is best for all of you. They are adults and need to see you as a fellow traveller in life not a cashcow or a free lunch.
Of course if they need a temporary hand, a loan or other support you'll be there in an emergency but you're not a doormat and can say no.

DaveTheRave1000

There is no wonder young people can't afford to buy their own homes with this sort of stuff going on. My parent has never and would never charge any of their kids rent, it's their home too. Whilst contributing to house hold bills seems more fair to me such as their own food, washing and so on but not rent. Just my opinion and each to their own! 

skier789

Quite frankly, I am astonished that someone wants to do this to their own flesh and blood. Maybe it's an individualistic societal thing. But this would never happen in cultures that value family networks - e.g. Italian or Indian. It would be unconscionable.

What would be better would be to encourage them to buy a property, rent it out and use that to pay off a substantial portion of the mortgage whilst living at home (free). Clearly doing a fair share of the housework is a reasonable expectation. If they were brought up properly, that should be the case anyway.

Emmia

skier789 said:

Quite frankly, I am astonished that someone wants to do this to their own flesh and blood. Maybe it's an individualistic societal thing. But this would never happen in cultures that value family networks - e.g. Italian or Indian. It would be unconscionable.

What would be better would be to encourage them to buy a property, rent it out and use that to pay off a substantial portion of the mortgage whilst living at home (free). Clearly doing a fair share of the housework is a reasonable expectation. If they were brought up properly, that should be the case anyway.

Why lose your first time buyer discount on a BTL, that's madness. If the kids are in a position to buy their own place, they should buy something for them to live in themselves...

But if they were in this position they probably wouldn't be coming home to sponge off their parents.

Spendless

I never really understand charging 'the going private room rate'. The comparison is with a private landlord who is making a profit.

The liklihood is that offspring moved away in their teens and has spent 3-4 years living where they could fetch home someone they met in the bar 20 mins ago and dont intend seeing twice, having a shower at 4am, eating 6 pot noodles for breakfast. Now theyll be subject to a lot stricter house rules for the same price and it doesnt seem worth it for having your washing returned folded up. I suspect thats what the real objection is. They cant 'refuse' to pay cos you could refuse to have them back. 

PostHoc25

I can see both sides of this. Kids need to save if they are ever gonna move out. But these days, costs are high and no-one's life is free.

My parents charged me a percentage of my income rather than the going rate. I paid them 25% of whatever I earned after A-Levels, and because I had 'decided to be difficult and become vegetarian' my mum charged me an additional £20 a week for food, which my meat-eating sister (18 months older) didn't get charged. 

Some of my friends' parents did charge them slightly under the going rent costs but told them 50% would go into a savings account and they would get it back as a lump sum when they moved out to help them get set up. But they also had to save an additional 20% of their earnings while they lived at home.

I think there are a lot of routes into this and they all begin with a sit-down and serious discussion about finances and life goals. Putting something on paper that includes a budget and some dates by which they plan to move out/buy a home/go into business for themselves/do more study/save for a car etc is all really useful. And try and have a review every 3 months because things will change. These would be useful skills beyond the lesson that life is hard and we all have to pay bills, I think.

If there is an out and out refusal by them to pay anything: At 18+ parents are not legally required to house their kids, but you would need to effectively serve an eviction notice giving a deadline of a month or so that they will have to leave if they don't pay living costs. With something in writing, they can then go to the local authority as homeless and seek help via the benefits and housing teams. Sounds simple, but as someone who has been homeless - they really DO NOT want to go that route if they can help it. Living in a squalid box room of an HMO with mice, frequent boiler issues and a collapsed ceiling due to water leaks over 5 years - not fun!

Good luck, let's hope they can do some adulting!

formerchef

RAS said:

This depends a bit on your family situation. If you are on benefits or on a low income then you can't simply magic the money to even feed them and you'll probably lose any single person CT allowance etc. It's brutal but they need to claim UC as soon as the course ends or work, even if only at the minimum wage and pay their way. 

If you are better off, then I'd try and give them a few weeks to organise work, if they've not already got something lined up for the autumn.

Do a full SOA for the household based on current usage. So by August they pay their fair share of utilities, with notice that if they wander round in T shirts with the windows open or game all day, they'll be picking up the tab for the increase in bills. And they pay around about the LHA room rate minimum. 

They can then chose to contribute to the food bill and eat with family, or buy their own stuff and cook for themselves but not mix and match unless by agreement. Some might want to fund their own during the week and share at weekends, or vice versa. You need to have a discussion about GF/BF and mates staying over as well.

They make an adult contribution to running the household as well, laundry, cooking, washing up, cleaning shared space etc.

As an alternative, they can move out.

Thorough, careful and fair advice. Really nothing to add, except to emphasize, it’s horses for courses. It depends on your circumstances and theirs. There’s no single right answer. 

marty2121

All else fails, down size to a smaller property and enjoy spending the released equity that you release on yourself and your partner.  You’ve done your bit! 

moneysaverexplorer

@MSE_Sarah

Moving back home after university is a transition, not a free ride. If your children are intelligent enough to graduate, they are intelligent enough to grasp why you are asking for them to pay rent, with perks!  Surely, they realise this would release financial pressure from yourself and recognise all the sacrifices you have made to help them achieve where they are today? 

My personal advice, turn the tables on their refusal to pay reasons; ask them directly.  “Which of these expenses (rent, council tax, electricity/gas, water, wi-fi, laundry, groceries and cooked meals) do you believe doesn’t require payment? How would you cover these costs if you rented your own place, if you didn’t have me as a back-up?”

If so minded, you could rent their room out and provide all of these services, be much better off financially, and their mum would be in a happy place?

I left home at 17 with no safety net, working three jobs seven days a week to make ends meet.  I had no choice.  That experience taught me budgeting, resilience, the value of every pound earned, and the person I am today.  I get so frustrated with today’s younger generation attitude.  They don’t seem to get life is not handed to you on a plate, you need to work hard and earn it.