Money Moral Dilemma: How do I persuade my children to pay rent once they're home from university?

MSE_Sarah

This week's MoneySaver who wants advice asks...

When my two children move back home after they graduate, I'm going to charge them the going rate for renting rooms in the area. They'll get perks - laundry, Wi-Fi, cooked meals - and space to work out their next step in life. They're refusing to pay, but I think if I don't charge, I'm doing them more harm than good - life isn't free and you have to pay for what you want out of it. How do I change their minds?

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Emmia

If they're refusing to pay, I suggest you rent their rooms out to paying lodgers... Change the locks etc.

It's a bit of a nuclear option, but why as (hopefully employed) adults do they think they get to live rent free at home? If they don't want to pay you, they're free to rent elsewhere.

Brie

Show them the bills, tell them this is what they'd be paying if they were out on their own.

Give them 1 month for free and then make sure they know they have to pay £X each month, on the first.  If they don't the perks start to disappear.  No free laundry, change the wifi password, turn the electricity off if necessary at 10 pm or whatever.  

strawb_shortcake

Take away food, laundry, WiFi all the perks bar the bed.

We had the conversation early with the children  that they'd be expected to pay rent once earning. We always had it in the back of our minds it would be gifted back once they were living independently as we don't actually need the money. 

I think children need to appreciate the cost of living. Someone I work with is 27 never paid rent or contributed to household costs; and now about to purchase their first home, I don't believe their parents have prepared them for the world of household bills and maintenance. I can see a really steep learning curve coming their way! 

RAS

This depends a bit on your family situation. If you are on benefits or on a low income then you can't simply magic the money to even feed them and you'll probably lose any single person CT allowance etc. It's brutal but they need to claim UC as soon as the course ends or work, even if only at the minimum wage and pay their way. 

If you are better off, then I'd try and give them a few weeks to organise work, if they've not already got something lined up for the autumn.

Do a full SOA for the household based on current usage. So by August they pay their fair share of utilities, with notice that if they wander round in T shirts with the windows open or game all day, they'll be picking up the tab for the increase in bills. And they pay around about the LHA room rate minimum. 

They can then chose to contribute to the food bill and eat with family, or buy their own stuff and cook for themselves but not mix and match unless by agreement. Some might want to fund their own during the week and share at weekends, or vice versa. You need to have a discussion about GF/BF and mates staying over as well.

They make an adult contribution to running the household as well, laundry, cooking, washing up, cleaning shared space etc.

As an alternative, they can move out.

CapeTown

You say they are refusing to pay rent. What self centred entitled children you have raised.  They will never leave home. They will be at least 21. I am sorry but you really need to put the brakes on here. Ask them for rent and insist they pay the going rate. I would suggest to them that maybe you put half of the rent received into a savings account for them so they can blooming well move out and experience life in the real world 

silvercar

Would you actually take lodgers if your children weren’t coming home? If not, then any money you charge, over and above the extra costs that having them home brings, is making a profit out of them. I couldn’t do that.

If the aim is to encourage them to move out, then getting them to put money aside each month for a deposit on a future rental or purchase would be a sensible move.

To some extent it depends on the circles they (and you) move in, none of my friends would have thought of charging their offspring, we were just delighted they came back home. At least for a short time. Though some did make sure they put some money aside each month in return for living rent free. The fastest way to encourage them to move out is to enable them to save to do so. Every time you take money off them means it will take longer for them to save up to move out. Knowing there is always a welcome to come back home, actually encourages them to test their wings.

Emerion

“I’m not asking you, I’m telling you. I worked to keep you while you were children. I’m not working to keep adults”.

Floss

Have the conversation about rent ASAP. If they do not have jobs to go to, they need to sign on for Universal Credit.

If they do have jobs, look at the local housing allowance in your area, cost out the increased use in fuel & water, council tax if you're a single person, and laundry products and work out the rent you will charge.

Agree what catering will be provided, if weekends are included or not, agree o/n visitor arrangements and finally suggest that they begin to save for a deposit for rental or mortgage in the future.

Erica51

They will be sharing your house with you as adults just as they will surely have shared houses or flats while at university. They may struggle to find the sort of job they want but within a month of arriving should be doing some sort of work.  I've no idea what your family circumstances are.  You may be short of money in which case you should charge them the going rent.  Or things may be financially easier but you're short of time in which case they should take their turn in planning, shopping for and cooking meals and perhaps pay less rent.  If you feel you don't need it put the money in a savings account and give it to them when they do leave home, It's sometimes easier to do their washing so you can make up a full load but they should be prepared to help by hanging it out and doing their own ironing.  They are housemates, not dependent children after all. There will be exceptions if they have to take an internship as the first rung of the ladder when you will need to subsidise them until they find their feet.  My son did a Music Technology degree and wanted to work in theatre.  I live within commuting distance of London and he would never been able to follow his dream if I had charged him a commercial rent.  He's now earning £40,000 a year and buying his own flat as well as doing what he wanted to do most.  Very few of those who did the course with him have jobs where they use their degree,

Savvy_Sue

So how have they been living until now? Have you been paying their rent? No wonder you've surprised them if that's the case.

I asked DS1 what he planned to do on graduating. "I was wondering if I could come home, and see if I could be sufficiently self-motivated to be self-employed?" We were delighted, but I said he'd have to pay some rent, or we'd never get anything out of DS3. We negotiated a very reasonable sum (he'd have paid more if I'd asked). He wasn't home for long but he knew he'd always be welcomed back.

DS2 returned for a few weeks too: no problem paying small amount of rent even before he had a job.

Meanwhile DS3 went to local Uni. Didn't believe me when I said he wouldn't get a place in a Hall of Residence immediately. I was right. And I carefully explained that yes, his grant / loan was slightly lower than it would have been if he'd been away from home, but it wasn't all his spending money! Some of it was mine! Food, heating, utilities! And he paid up, knowing his brothers had done so.

He did get a place in a Hall after a few weeks, somehow still thought it was OK to raid the fridge on visits home. "Do you know how much MEAT costs?" he asked when I challenged him. Yes darling, I do ...

So back to the question: they have a choice. No rent, let them live elsewhere. Some of their friends will stay on wherever they've been studying, so they can see if they can freeload there. 

Of course a costed explanation of what you're charging them isn't unreasonable. But they're grownups, not infants.