Money Moral Dilemma: How do I persuade my children to pay rent once they're home from university?

silvercar

Pollycat said:

silvercar said:

MeteredOut said:

ZeroSum said:

Charging them the 'going rate' is completely unfair as its not like theyve had a choice & shouldn't be penalised because of parents financial situation if its an expensive area. 
Charge them a nominal amount which can be put to one side for a deposit when they do move out

Of course they have a choice. They are adults and can live elsewhere if they want to. I don't think the OP suggested imprisoning them.

The point is they are starting on their careers, may not earn much, may have some uni debt and can’t afford to rent elsewhere. You don’t stop being their parents on a milestone birthday.

A lot of people start out on their careers. Some earlier than those who go to university.
A lot of people don't earn much when they're young.
A lot of people can't afford to rent elsewhere.
Someone who has been to university will probably have debt but they may never get to the point of earning enough that that debt has to be repaid. 

Do you think parents shouldn't charge any of their children to live at home?

I started work at 17, straight out of school.
My Mother physically took my first wage packet from me and gave me spending money and bus fares.
She continued to do that until I started talking about me and my boyfriend renting a flat closer to where we both worked.

Some parents can't afford to let their adult children live at home for free.

There is debt that is student loan (maintenance and tuition fees) and then there is debt from living costs because the student maintenance loan + parental contribution+ any part time work just isn't enough to live off. I think you are confusing the two.

Pollycat

silvercar said:

Pollycat said:

silvercar said:

MeteredOut said:

ZeroSum said:

Charging them the 'going rate' is completely unfair as its not like theyve had a choice & shouldn't be penalised because of parents financial situation if its an expensive area. 
Charge them a nominal amount which can be put to one side for a deposit when they do move out

Of course they have a choice. They are adults and can live elsewhere if they want to. I don't think the OP suggested imprisoning them.

The point is they are starting on their careers, may not earn much, may have some uni debt and can’t afford to rent elsewhere. You don’t stop being their parents on a milestone birthday.

A lot of people start out on their careers. Some earlier than those who go to university.
A lot of people don't earn much when they're young.
A lot of people can't afford to rent elsewhere.
Someone who has been to university will probably have debt but they may never get to the point of earning enough that that debt has to be repaid. 

Do you think parents shouldn't charge any of their children to live at home?

I started work at 17, straight out of school.
My Mother physically took my first wage packet from me and gave me spending money and bus fares.
She continued to do that until I started talking about me and my boyfriend renting a flat closer to where we both worked.

Some parents can't afford to let their adult children live at home for free.

There is debt that is student loan (maintenance and tuition fees) and then there is debt from living costs because the student maintenance loan + parental contribution+ any part time work just isn't enough to live off. I think you are confusing the two.

I'm not confusing the two.

A friend's daughter managed to finish university with just the tuition debt.
There's no indication in the original post regarding debt.

VyEu

ShinyStarlight1 said:

VyEu said:

Sure charge then rent...and the basically teach them that the people they thought they could rely on at the start if their careers/when they're needed most and when they realistically won't be earning much, can't be relied on. They didn't ask to be born and you're taking away their 'safe' home from them. But sure go ahead, just expect the same attitude when if you fall in hard times and they don't want to help you .

Is this what family has come to? When you bring kids into the world you accept the possibility that they won't be high flying academics straight off the bat, and that they will need help post uni. If they're paying you market rent then they can't save. They're stuck. But if  parenting stops at 18 to you, that's your choice.

Honestly, your angry use of guilt-trips and veiled threats sounds like you are speaking from a very young place. 

The people you are talking about are entering young adulthood. They are not helpless children. In some ways, it’s a mark of respect to acknowledge their new adulthood by treating them as such, and with the new expectations that come with this new status.

It is also respectful of the young adults to acknowledge the financial impact of their return to the family home on their parents, and to choose to contribute. How much depends on a negotiation between parents and adult children, but all can be done with respect and love. But it’s a new phase for everyone and continuing as before isn’t recognising that and risks infantilising and therefore stunting the emerging adults.

I am truly flattered if you think I am 'speaking from a very young place'. I am not angry at all, OP can do as they wish but they shouldn't be disillusioned that their kids won't remember how they were treated fresh out of uni with (probably) not well paid jobs. 

You're not talking about 'choosing' to contribute, that would be different. This is imposing payment which is a different thing. 

And you're being ludicrous. Giving your kids a stable home so they can save up and then move out isn't infantilism. 

Jami74

I think if I don't charge, I'm doing them more harm than good - life isn't free and you have to pay for what you want out of it

This sounds more like a parenting question than a money question. It's like 'If I let them have pudding, I'm doing more harm than good - vegetables are important and they need to eat their sprouts' or 'If I don't spank them, I'm doing more harm than good - they need to learn to respect their elders'.

A money question would be 'My children are moving back home, but I can't afford for them to stay for free' or 'My children are moving back home, I'd like to help them learn how to budget for life's expenses'.