Money Moral Dilemma: How do I persuade my children to pay rent once they're home from university?

VyEu

Sure charge then rent...and the basically teach them that the people they thought they could rely on at the start if their careers/when they're needed most and when they realistically won't be earning much, can't be relied on. They didn't ask to be born and you're taking away their 'safe' home from them. But sure go ahead, just expect the same attitude when if you fall in hard times and they don't want to help you .

Is this what family has come to? When you bring kids into the world you accept the possibility that they won't be high flying academics straight off the bat, and that they will need help post uni. If they're paying you market rent then they can't save. They're stuck. But if  parenting stops at 18 to you, that's your choice.

ShinyStarlight1

VyEu said:

Sure charge then rent...and the basically teach them that the people they thought they could rely on at the start if their careers/when they're needed most and when they realistically won't be earning much, can't be relied on. They didn't ask to be born and you're taking away their 'safe' home from them. But sure go ahead, just expect the same attitude when if you fall in hard times and they don't want to help you .

Is this what family has come to? When you bring kids into the world you accept the possibility that they won't be high flying academics straight off the bat, and that they will need help post uni. If they're paying you market rent then they can't save. They're stuck. But if  parenting stops at 18 to you, that's your choice.

Honestly, your angry use of guilt-trips and veiled threats sounds like you are speaking from a very young place. 

The people you are talking about are entering young adulthood. They are not helpless children. In some ways, it’s a mark of respect to acknowledge their new adulthood by treating them as such, and with the new expectations that come with this new status.

It is also respectful of the young adults to acknowledge the financial impact of their return to the family home on their parents, and to choose to contribute. How much depends on a negotiation between parents and adult children, but all can be done with respect and love. But it’s a new phase for everyone and continuing as before isn’t recognising that and risks infantilising and therefore stunting the emerging adults.

R_P_W

Why would you need to persuade them? Tell them what you are expect them to pay and if they don't agree ask them for a moving out date.

Jami74

When my kids are home and working, they contribute 20% of their net income each month. The one who has lived away at university realises what a fantastic deal this is. The other one was initially surprised at having to give away some of their earnings, but understands that I cannot afford to sponsor an adult in full.

They get a good deal living at home and I get to have them close. I certainly don't profit from them, but neither will I get into debt supporting them.

ZeroSum

Charging them the 'going rate' is completely unfair as its not like theyve had a choice & shouldn't be penalised because of parents financial situation if its an expensive area. 
Charge them a nominal amount which can be put to one side for a deposit when they do move out

funagalo

Agree.  Need to pay.  You can give them payment holidays for special events. If wealthy, save it for them for later. Worry about their attitude though. 

MeteredOut

ZeroSum said:

Charging them the 'going rate' is completely unfair as its not like theyve had a choice & shouldn't be penalised because of parents financial situation if its an expensive area. 
Charge them a nominal amount which can be put to one side for a deposit when they do move out

Of course they have a choice. They are adults and can live elsewhere if they want to. I don't think the OP suggested imprisoning them.

silvercar

MeteredOut said:

ZeroSum said:

Charging them the 'going rate' is completely unfair as its not like theyve had a choice & shouldn't be penalised because of parents financial situation if its an expensive area. 
Charge them a nominal amount which can be put to one side for a deposit when they do move out

Of course they have a choice. They are adults and can live elsewhere if they want to. I don't think the OP suggested imprisoning them.

The point is they are starting on their careers, may not earn much, may have some uni debt and can’t afford to rent elsewhere. You don’t stop being their parents on a milestone birthday.

Pollycat

silvercar said:

MeteredOut said:

ZeroSum said:

Charging them the 'going rate' is completely unfair as its not like theyve had a choice & shouldn't be penalised because of parents financial situation if its an expensive area. 
Charge them a nominal amount which can be put to one side for a deposit when they do move out

Of course they have a choice. They are adults and can live elsewhere if they want to. I don't think the OP suggested imprisoning them.

The point is they are starting on their careers, may not earn much, may have some uni debt and can’t afford to rent elsewhere. You don’t stop being their parents on a milestone birthday.

A lot of people start out on their careers. Some earlier than those who go to university.
A lot of people don't earn much when they're young.
A lot of people can't afford to rent elsewhere.
Someone who has been to university will probably have debt but they may never get to the point of earning enough that that debt has to be repaid. 

Do you think parents shouldn't charge any of their children to live at home?

I started work at 17, straight out of school.
My Mother physically took my first wage packet from me and gave me spending money and bus fares.
She continued to do that until I started talking about me and my boyfriend renting a flat closer to where we both worked.

Some parents can't afford to let their adult children live at home for free.

MeteredOut

silvercar said:

MeteredOut said:

ZeroSum said:

Charging them the 'going rate' is completely unfair as its not like theyve had a choice & shouldn't be penalised because of parents financial situation if its an expensive area. 
Charge them a nominal amount which can be put to one side for a deposit when they do move out

Of course they have a choice. They are adults and can live elsewhere if they want to. I don't think the OP suggested imprisoning them.

The point is they are starting on their careers, may not earn much, may have some uni debt and can’t afford to rent elsewhere. You don’t stop being their parents on a milestone birthday.

Agreed, but none of those were mentioned in the OP. It said "they're refusing to pay" not "they can't afford it".