Please god help, 60k in debt and feeling suicidal

kimwp

Emmia said:

kimwp said:

I just saw a video by the legalqueen that children are entitled to housing until 18, so he can't force a sale of the house until then.

But "housing" does not necessarily equal the house they're currently living in, they can be housed in a different (smaller?) property. So I wouldn't say this would guarantee the house cannot be sold.

True, there are no guarantees. All the legal websites seem to say the following:

If you and your ex both own your home and share children together who are under 18, most courts will grant the parent with full-time custody of the children permission to reside in the family home.

They will assess the finances of the parties to ensure this is possible and the Property Order will often be in place until your children reach 18 or leave full-time education. The house may then be sold, and the money divided according to the Property order.

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Definitely not a lawyer and I didn't phrase my post on this correctly, but I'm just hoping Eleanor doesn't agree to sell the house to just to make things easier for her husband.

Emmia

kimwp said:

Emmia said:

kimwp said:

I just saw a video by the legalqueen that children are entitled to housing until 18, so he can't force a sale of the house until then.

But "housing" does not necessarily equal the house they're currently living in, they can be housed in a different (smaller?) property. So I wouldn't say this would guarantee the house cannot be sold.

True, there are no guarantees. All the legal websites seem to say the following:

If you and your ex both own your home and share children together who are under 18, most courts will grant the parent with full-time custody of the children permission to reside in the family home.

They will assess the finances of the parties to ensure this is possible and the Property Order will often be in place until your children reach 18 or leave full-time education. The house may then be sold, and the money divided according to the Property order.

----
Definitely not a lawyer and I didn't phrase my post on this correctly, but I'm just hoping Eleanor doesn't agree to sell the house to just to make things easier for her husband.

The OP the husband and the kids all need to be housed - it isn't fair if the OP continues to live in the house, but her (ex) husband is forced to rent. If the house can be sold and the proceeds split, enabling both to buy their own properties then this is fairer. 

The assets they hold (property, savings, investments) and debts that have built up, pension provision etc. will all need to be accounted for in the divorce and financial settlement.

Edit: unfortunately, whilst it's tough on the OP I think many people would react in the same way if they discovered their spouse was £60k in debt. 

The debt has arisen partly through the OP not communicating about the financial position she's in and partly through her husband not asking where the money is coming from / realising that he needed to pay more proactively.

elsien

It’s quite often said on here that the house can’t be sold till the children are 18, but that really isn’t the case. 

There are many many divorces where the house is sold and people go their separate ways and the children cope. 

All parties need adequate housing, including the one no longer living in the property. And it does come down to need not want. 

Cressida100

The fact that the husband could just walk away from his family and a tiny baby says to me that he's no great loss. 

gizmo111

kimwp said:

Emmia said:

kimwp said:

I just saw a video by the legalqueen that children are entitled to housing until 18, so he can't force a sale of the house until then.

But "housing" does not necessarily equal the house they're currently living in, they can be housed in a different (smaller?) property. So I wouldn't say this would guarantee the house cannot be sold.

True, there are no guarantees. All the legal websites seem to say the following:

If you and your ex both own your home and share children together who are under 18, most courts will grant the parent with full-time custody of the children permission to reside in the family home.

They will assess the finances of the parties to ensure this is possible and the Property Order will often be in place until your children reach 18 or leave full-time education. The house may then be sold, and the money divided according to the Property order.

----
Definitely not a lawyer and I didn't phrase my post on this correctly, but I'm just hoping Eleanor doesn't agree to sell the house to just to make things easier for her husband.

This is not correct in the UK. Starting point is 50/50 split of assets, Not sure what a property order, if this arrangement was agreed it would be a Mesher Order but they are rare these days.  Courts will look at sharing. Assets and a clean break, they won’t tie one to a mortgage on a property they don’t live in restricting their ability to purchase their own home.

eleanorl89

Hi guys

I’m doing ok, thank you for checking x

Things have been moving pretty quickly I must admit it’s shocked me. The house was valued today & will go on the market next week

I also spoke to a solicitor today who has talked me through things. I can’t remember the name of the document she was talking about as everything is a bit of a blur on barely any sleep (babies are fun!), but she suggested looking at having something officially in writing to protect assets / pensions etc. So will start down this journey, but again this costs money!

In regards to my debts, 2 of them have defaulted & passed on now. The 2 with MBNA. One has stayed in house with them - i have spoken to them & they are being very reasonable & are not asking me to pay anything at present due to my current situation. They have said in the future it may be sold on, but for now it’s with them

The 2nd with MBNA has been sold to credit security. I have emailed them & asked them to communicate with me by email or text only & they seem to be complying. For some reason I find written communication via my phone much less scary or intrusive. Again they have said they will work with me to pay only what is affordable. They have actually already mentioned looking at a reduced settlement figure, but obviously this isn’t a possibility at the moment

I’m just waiting for the others to default & see what communication i get from them. Natwest & Barclaycard sent letters previously with deadline dates of this week so I’m expecting communication from them any day & I am terrified if i’m honest. Things seem to have been too simple with all this so far!

Anyway, we’ll see what happens. Thanks guys, i’ll keep you updated!

birdsfoottrefoil

Dear Eleanor,

Good to hear you’re ok. Please follow your solicitors advise and make sure your position is protected. Like other posters, I can’t get my head round how your husband expected you to pay as previous while you haven’t been working (and arguably supporting his earnings through childcare etc).

best wishes!!!

EssexHebridean

Hi Eleanor - yes, echoing the advice above to be sure you follow the legal advice. You must ensure you give your solicitor the full detail about the debt as well - this really should be taken account of when the finances are discussed. 

Also - don't be pushed into rushing in to anything - if you need more time to get your head round things, explain things to oldest etc, then you simply calmly say that more time is needed, and propose a new date for things like the marketing of the house to happen.  The financial aspects need agreeing before you can move in any case as otherwise you won't know what budget you are looking at for the new house, and won't be in a position to physically move in any case. 

Good news on the default situation - and as for paying anything, remember that right now you don't have anything to pay them, in reality, and they can't have what you haven't got! It's really important that you don't reach for credit cards again. For the legal costs, can you talk to your parents about perhaps being able to help you with that? I imagine that if they are at all able to do so they will be wanting to help, and particularly to ensure that you come out of a horrible situation with everything that you and the children are entitled to. I would also strongly urge you to not listen to ANYTHING your husband tries to tell you "has to happen" - I'm afraid he has already proved to be untrustworthy around financial affairs and although I'm reluctant to keep "bashing" him as it's probably not helpful at this stage I suspect a number of us here would not be surprised if he tried further controlling tactics at this point. 

As for the person above who is claiming that "most people would react this way" - actually experience on here tells us otherwise - most spouses or partners are actually really supportive, and all the more so when the debt has arisen through household circumstances! To repeat what has been said previously - this is NOT all on you, and you have NOTHING to feel guilty about. 

kayannie

Hi Eleanor - you mentioned earlier that you have the option of moving in with your parents. Although this is not what you would choose to do long term, but would you consider it as a temporary measure while your baby is so young? This would give you a bit of breathing space while you (& your eldest child) adjust to your new circumstances & they would be there to offer their support when you need it. It would also give you extra time to look for your own home again instead of rushing into it.
KA x

kimwp

Echoing EH, because I think it's important - in the many years I've been on this board, this is the first time I've seen a partner react in this way to finding out a poster has debt.