Please god help, 60k in debt and feeling suicidal

EssexHebridean

kimwp said:

ManyWays said:

EssexHebridean said:

@ManyWays Eleanor’s husband has asked to be left out of the SOA so it’s not really appropriate to ask about his earnings. 

She appeared to be getting a lot of benefits. Either his earnings are pretty low or, what I really wanted to rule out, she may have made a "single" claim for UC in error, which could be against the benefit rules.
She has confirmed she has made a joint claim, which is good. 

I think it's sensible of ManyWays to ask these questions. Yes, we want to respect his request for his finances to not be in the SOA, but their finances are interlinked and we don't want Eleanor to be in trouble for incorrectly claiming universal credit.

Completely agree - but the questions were perfectly able to be asked (and answered) without a direct request for income which had the OP given it and her husband seen that could have created even more problems for her. It’s not usually any sort of problem, but we do need to tread a little carefully and mindfully in a situation where it’s already been stated that a partner specifically does not want their financial situation discussed. All the more so when that situation is already clearly a touch delicate! 

aviv

My dear, I revived my long-dormant account just to post on your thread. Just to let you know that you are doing extremely well under very difficult circumstances. I have two LOs myself and while children are amazing, the newborn stage is a very challenging time when you should only focus on your and your babies well-being. So please be kind to yourself!

What I wanted to urgently mention (already hinted at by some others but I think it should be spelled out). What your husband did to you e.g. expecting you to pay half the bills with no income while you recovered from giving birth to HIS children and took care of HIS children is financial abuse. Now, I don’t know, if he did that because he genuinely caring but a complete idiot or if he is actually abusive, but I would strongly advice that you start protecting yourself. Do not give up your claim to the house. Don’t agree to unfair split of financial burdens. He is just as responsible for the financial situation you are in as you, probably even more so. 

Wishing you all the best and a lot of strength to get through this!

EssexHebridean

The house thing is a very good point indeed. Absolutely don’t under any circumstances be talked into having your name taken off the mortgage - because aside from anything else the mortgage company would very likely insist that your name was taken off the title to the property as well. Hold firm on that - be very clear if it is suggested that it’s not on the cards. It’s not “the best way of sorting this situation out” - and there is no good reason for suggesting it should happen. 

eleanorl89

Hi all

thank you so much, he is definitely done with the relationship and wants out of the house. I’ll deal with the finer points of a split at a later date but I don’t have anything left in me to fight at this point. 

I made sure to say I won’t be signing any of my side over and he was fine with that, he just basically wants out and that’s that. I’ve since spoken to my parents who have assured me they will be there for me and the kids whenever we need them. Husband has also assured me the children won’t suffer, though I don’t know how that’s going to work but we’ll see

Anyway, the point of this post. He’s asked me a question I can’t answer, hoping someone on here may be able to give me some insight please

- I already have one default on my file, with a couple more coming. When we sell & depending how quickly we manage to complete. If he was to rent somewhere initially with the view to maybe want to buy somewhere in the future, and has been financially disassociated with me at that point (albeit not before the defaults appeared) how long will his credit rating be impacted for? Will it also be the 6 years? I’m scared of the answer at this point & passing it on

thanks guys

eleanorl89

Also, if i can find somewhere to rent for me & the children & pay cash for rent up front with my share of the equity, would this likely flag up to my creditors that i’ve received money? Also credit checks done at that point even if you pay rent up front? I have the option of moving in with my parents but ideally don’t want to do that

eleanorl89

Also one more question sorry. I have closed the joint business bank account for me & my parents. If we still have a partnership set up, but a bank account in only my name, will they still be impacted credit score wise by my defaults? Or not because we won’t have any financial products joint together, only a partnership with HMRC. Does that make sense? They are partnered in the business as they invested & will be receiving some of the profits if / when the business takes off

Rob5342

You should be able to get the link removed so your credit reports won't have anything to do with each other

https://www.experian.co.uk/consumer/guides/financial-association.html

eleanorl89

Thanks so much Rob, much appreciated. Is that for my Husband or for my parents too?

kimwp

eleanorl89 said:

Hi all

thank you so much, he is definitely done with the relationship and wants out of the house. I’ll deal with the finer points of a split at a later date but I don’t have anything left in me to fight at this point. 

I made sure to say I won’t be signing any of my side over and he was fine with that, he just basically wants out and that’s that. I’ve since spoken to my parents who have assured me they will be there for me and the kids whenever we need them. Husband has also assured me the children won’t suffer, though I don’t know how that’s going to work but we’ll see

Anyway, the point of this post. He’s asked me a question I can’t answer, hoping someone on here may be able to give me some insight please

- I already have one default on my file, with a couple more coming. When we sell & depending how quickly we manage to complete. If he was to rent somewhere initially with the view to maybe want to buy somewhere in the future, and has been financially disassociated with me at that point (albeit not before the defaults appeared) how long will his credit rating be impacted for? Will it also be the 6 years? I’m scared of the answer at this point & passing it on

thanks guys

HI Eleanor, I'm sorry to hear that you have all this to deal with when you have a young baby. But I think you will end up in a better situation, given that you described your husband as supportive, when actually he was just not yelling and only thinking about protecting himself - you deserve more than that.

Make sure to note as best you can, what the financial split has been between you and how much of your inheritance went into the house. I don't know anything about divorces, but I think you should definitely be talking about these to the judge, when the finances are being discussed.

Emmia

Wikivorce is often mentioned as a place to help with divorce advice, if you want to arm yourself with information on your rights, the process etc.

https://divorce.wikivorce.com/