Please god help, 60k in debt and feeling suicidal

eleanorl89

I have the following debts

MBNA CC- 9286

MBNA Loan - 9193

Barclaycard CC -14,094.50

Natwest CC - 19,719

Virgin CC - 4811

Very - 2750

I have used up breathing space of 60 days with all of them apart from Virgin & Very who i am managing to pay £50pm each to & have not gone into bad credit with them yet

The rest are in the 2 month process of defaulting me

I attempted to launch a new business (using these debts stupidly) at the end of last year and it has tanked. I am bringing in Universal Credit of £666pm & Child Benefit of £102pm. My partner is paying our joint mortgage & has absolutely no idea of the mess I am in

I have just given birth at the beginning of december, so I have a barely 1 month old and also a 3 year old

please tell me how to get out of this mess. I want to die. Am i going to lose my family our house? It’s jointly owned. I know if my husband finds out about all of this that will be the end of our marriage

Thank you

House_buyer125

Didn't want to read and run. 

Please don't despair! There will be a solution, many people have been in worse situations and turned things around.

I'm sure many knowledgeable people will come and post advice soon. 

marcia_

 There will be lots of people to answer and help you in the morning but in the mean time I would like to share this https://www.samaritans.org/how-we-can-help/contact-samaritan/
they will talk to you about anything, not give debt advice but can be a sounding board for you to get it all off your chest. 

Emmia

Unfortunately, with that level of debt I do think you are going to need to tell your husband, although it would probably be better if you do this when you have a plan. 

You have a joint financial product(s) with him, (the mortgage... Do you have a joint account too?) which means you're financially linked so he may find out anyway.  Finding out that way is almost certainly going to be worse than you being honest and telling him... 

Best of luck 

Grumpelstiltskin

OK The first thing you must do is see your GP.

Second thing is to tell your partner before he finds out.

Third thing  is your benefits. Are you living together? Is your partner working? Is it a joint claim for UC?

Fourth thing is to stop paying all your unsecured debts, nothing terrible is going to happen if you do. There will be a solution and your health and family are much more important than your debts.

fatbelly

Good advice above. These are all nonpriority debts so nothing much is going to happen. You can stop paying Virgin and Very

You mention Breathing Space. Is that the formal version? Did you do it through stepchange?

Once you have the defaults you can formulate a plan

kimwp

These are unsecured debts, which means that they can't take anything you own to pay the debt. So you won't lose your house.

Nomunnofun1

Your husband will be more upset if he discovered your financial plight by any other means other than you telling him. Don’t put it off because it’s Christmas, or the new year or because you’ve just had a baby etc etc - there will be many ‘not the right time’ moments. 

Tell him today. Make the decision today to stop paying any unsecured debts. Follow the advice of people on here, many of whom have been in the same position. 

Finally, ring your doctor first thing tomorrow. You have two very young children who are much more important that any financial institution wanting money from you. 

sourcrates

All unsecured, non priority debts, you are not going to lose anything, your house is quite safe.

If legal action went as far as a charging order, as its a jointly owned home, only a restriction could be registered, so your house is perfectly safe, so put all thought of that out of your mind, try and relax, nothing bad is going to happen here.

Your best strategy is to let them all default and pay whatever you can afford to the collection companies that pick them up afterwards, see how things progress.

Honestly there`s no need to worry about any of this, its all easily dealt with.

freshstart2023

I don’t have any professional advice but I do have person experience. I found myself in £50K debt last year, two young children and a completely unaware husband I couldn’t tell for fear of it imploding our relationship and family. I couldn’t sleep and was an emotional wreck.  I promise, this is fixable, nothing bad is going to happen, you can come out the other side of this. 

The first thing I did was to cancel all of my direct debits and start saving up an emergency fund. Yes I received some letters in the post and yes I received some phone calls but I shredded the letters and blocked the numbers, after a few months my phone stopped ringing. All of my debts defaulted fairly quickly and we’re sold on. I then contacted each debt collection agency on live chat, no phone calls involved and set up a standing order for what I could afford, it really was as simple as that. The only correspondence I have received since is discount offers. I promise that as soon as you take control back it feels like the biggest weight has been lifted. 

I know the advice is to always tell your husband, I didn’t until I was back in control and had a plan in place, for me, i just couldn’t tell him when everything was such a mess..

Again, please try not to let it take over as it is fixable and your home is not at risk. If I can help in anyway please feel free to send me a message. There is so much help and support on here, you are not alone. 

sat_mad

The StepChange charity is also available to help.