Please god help, 60k in debt and feeling suicidal

Take_a_hike_Elon_and_Jeff

Rob5342 said:

Be careful with Stepchange as they tend to suggest what is best for the creditors rather than what is best for you (they will advise you to start repaying straight aeay rather than waiting for defaults for example). See what they have to say by all means but see what people here think of their advice before starting any sort of plan. 

I never had that experience with StepChange they were extremely helpful with me. The first thing they did was help me set up a budget for life needs, explained the difference between priority debts and non priority i.e mortgage, council tax, water etc being absolute priority. Only once it was established what was realistically affordable was the left over money allocated to pay off my creditors. All they encouraged me to do was pay £1 to each creditor until it was all set up properly. I had dealings with them over a few years and I felt they were fair and understanding and most importantly they are a charity.

elsien

The pound to each creditor though stops the defaults from happening. Which means that six years for things to drop off credit files starts a lot later. All that paying a pound is doing is making the whole process go on for longer than it needs to. 

Take_a_hike_Elon_and_Jeff

elsien said:

The pound to each creditor though stops the defaults from happening. Which means that six years for things to drop off credit files starts a lot later. All that paying a pound is doing is making the whole process go on for longer than it needs to. 

I'm not disagreeing with you but my experience with the process didn't take long for the defaults to happen saying that I don't know if nowadays defaults are slower. The positive was I wasn't in the DMP for a long time as a few years later I came into a large sum of money which I used to make final settlement offers so ultimately  a good chunk of my debts ended up being written off. Obviously my credit rating took a bit of a hit but fortunately I never struggled to move home and obtained a new mortgage with relative ease even though my credit rating wasn't perfect but it was the bigger deposit that gave me leverage.
I remember at the time contacting StepChange and after spoke to StepChange I decided to go down my own route to make my own offers but they guided me with the information and I succeeded. Unfortunately I still hadn't processed in my head the real meaning of money and I've had a bit of a relapse not as severe thank goodness but my mindset right now is so different.
We live in a fast paced tech world now where these large institutions are using every trick in the book to get us indebted to them so the billionaires can enjoying reaping the cream for decades to come. 
I'm no longer allowing myself to be tricked into this and am enjoying the simple life. I must be one of the few people who actually hates Xmas for this reason.
I wish I had discovered this forum earlier on because it is such a good support mechanism both from a mental perspective but a practical one.

Rob5342

I found Stepchange very useful but in hindsight I can see that following their advice to start repaying straightaway means that my credit report has been harmed for two years longer than it needs to have been. There was also a case where someome on here had an inheritance and Stepchange had advised them to split the whole lot proportionally between their creditors, if they had approached their creditors themselves they could have negotiated reduced offers and kept half of their inheritance. Stepchange have their uses but their approach does tend towards favouring the creditors at the expense of the borrower, all I'm saying is be aware of that and take their advice in the context of advice from elsewhere rather than following their approach exactly. 

Take_a_hike_Elon_and_Jeff

I'm just going to make one last post here because I'm conscious of bombarding your diary when you've only just started it. Apologies if I'm contradicting myself as I mentioned in my previous posts about contacting a debt charity.

I'm no therapist or expert just sharing my experiences obviously our mental well being is our top priority.
Clearly from what you are writing you are in huge life changing moment with a new born child so your world is quite overwhelming full of emotion rest assured you are not going to lose your home and nobody is going to come knocking on your door, so if you need to wait for a little bit before tackling the debt situation so be it! It will all be ok!

All this will settle and a plan will come to fruition so if you not quite ready today maybe just focus on your family, for now everything will be absolutely ok you might not think you are doing ok but you are an absolute hero you have given birth to another child that is an amazing achievement!
My brother gave me some good advice "he said we always find it easier to give others advice and we find it so much easier than giving ourselves advice, he says listen to the advice nod your head and say thanks take it in but there is no obligation, cherry pick what suits you and ultimately it is you who makes the decisions!"
I wish you all the best it sounds like you have loving support around you and no obligation to respond you are after all a very busy lady right now. You are doing great!!

[Deleted User]

Rob5342 said:

Be careful with Stepchange as they tend to suggest what is best for the creditors rather than what is best for you (they will advise you to start repaying straight aeay rather than waiting for defaults for example). See what they have to say by all means but see what people here think of their advice before starting any sort of plan. 

Of course it would be better to obtain defaults sooner. However there are those who are fearful having ANY dealings with their creditors and, in the knowledge that they are never going to go anywhere near credit again, are quite happy for a middle man to do so. 

Stepchange do a wonderful job but they’re not for everyone!

Andyjflet

I am not going to add anything that hasnt already been said, but I am proof that you can get out of this situation, you have been open and honest and now its time to take the journey back to health too.

As a businessman myself, I would be very careful on your start up business, use your time to research again your business plan and that its numerically viable. Without a plan you wont succeed. 

sourcrates

You have had some really good advice here, and others have elaborated on much of what I said earlier.

The key is not to panic, and to arm yourself with as much actual knowledge as possible, don`t take notice of scaremongering, what can happen, verses what will actually happen, are two very different things completely.

enthusiasticsaver

You have had some good advice and it seems like you have a plan so I will not repeat what has already been said.  

I would focus on your mental health and just wait for the debts to default.  There will be no serious repercussions as they are unsecured so your home is not at risk. Hopefully over time you can be open with your husband and get back to a place of financial stability. 

eleanorl89

Hi guys

is anybody still active on here please? @fatbelly @sourcrates

I just wanted to give an update. Me & my husband have spoken openly & honestly about everything. He is being fully supportive now, which is amazing

Although he has done his own research and has seen something about ‘statutory demands’ - where they send you a letter and then can petition for bankrupcy pretty much straight away, which would in fact put our house at risk

i can’t actually seem to find much specific information on this, but it has scared me stiff. Is it likely that the lenders will go straight for a statutory demand as a the amounts owed to individual lenders are so high, as in 20k & 15k?! Then the other 2 just under 10k

Its brought fresh anxiety, the thought of me having put my husband & 2 young children in a position where they will be turfed out of their home makes me feel absolutely horrific

I can also no longer see any of my accounts when I log in online, does this mean they’ve gone to default?

i’ve only had one ‘notice of default’ letter from barclaycard atm & nothing from anyone else, though i know its coming. They threatened further action to recoup the full amount owed - is this to be expected?

sorry to be a pain, i hope it’s ok that i’m still asking for advice. I’m trying to manage my mental health at the same time, it’s a lot thiugh i know ive brought it on myself

thank you