Please god help, 60k in debt and feeling suicidal

ManyWays

I agree with everything that has been said. 

in addition, Child Benefit of £102pm sounds like one child - have you made the claim for the new arrival? 

Brie

very good advice in my opinion from @freshstart2023

What she has done is set up a DMP - debt management plan.  These can be DIYd as she did or with the help of a debt charity - StepChange has already been mentioned but there's also NationalDebtline, Community Money Advice (CMA), Christians Against Poverty (CAP) and the old standby Citizen's Advice.  They will all look at your entire financial situation, look to see if there are any further benefits you might be eligible for and draw up a financial statement that will show how much ££ you have available to pay towards any debts.  These may be token payments of £1 a month or maybe a bit more.  If your debts were a bit lower, under £50k, they might suggest a debt relief order (DRO)

If you continue to pay Virgin and Very this may limit some options as you will be seen to be making preferential payments to them.  And of the debt charities can talk to you more about this.  

Best of luck with getting this sorted - I think it's about the same amount of debt that I started with which has now been whittled down to a fraction of what it was.  

Rob5342

eleanorl89 said:

I know if my husband finds out about all of this that will be the end of our marriage. 

This has come up a few times here, in most cases thst I can remember the reaction from peoples partners hasn't been as bad as they had feared. I put off telling my wife for years, when I did finally tell her she was more upset that I didn't turn to her for support than she was angry. Things were difficult between us for a while but with her support we started following a plan to get things sorted out which finally started to turn things around.

Being realistic, he is going to find oit somehow, the only question is when (he'll wonder where the money is going, why you can't afford a holiday, why you can't get a loan for a new car etc). It's best to just tackle it now and deal with whatever that entails otherwise you'll be living with constant stress getting nowhere. 

Cousin_Creditor

I wish you all the best to get out of this situation but please see your GP about your current mental health state. 

eleanorl89

Grumpelstiltskin said:

OK The first thing you must do is see your GP.

Second thing is to tell your partner before he finds out.

Third thing  is your benefits. Are you living together? Is your partner working? Is it a joint claim for UC?

Fourth thing is to stop paying all your unsecured debts, nothing terrible is going to happen if you do. There will be a solution and your health and family are much more important than your debts.

Not sure if i’m using this right with replying

I am currently under the mental health team at the hospital, although i must admit they are awful

I really don’t think I can tell him, I don’t see how I can even begin to bring it up

It’s my claim, been claiming for only a few months. Living together and he is working, though doesn’t earn enough to stop UC but doesn’t receive any himself. Will these debts somehow stop my UC? 

I have stopped paying them but it’s the repercussions of that I feel I am unable to deal with

I have suffered greatly with my MH in the past year and things have just gotten on top of me, I’m not coping

eleanorl89

fatbelly said:

Good advice above. These are all nonpriority debts so nothing much is going to happen. You can stop paying Virgin and Very

You mention Breathing Space. Is that the formal version? Did you do it through stepchange?

Once you have the defaults you can formulate a plan

Thank you. I am so incredibly ashamed I have gotten to this level. It was always a case of paying credit off with credit, hoping my business would take off, but it just hasn’t. It’s just spiralled

Yes i got in touch with all my creditors individually and explained my situation. Taken the 60 days breathing space (2 lots of 30 days) and now they’ve said they will apply for a default, which may take upto 2 months. They may also pass the debt onto an agency

So what do I do here? What’s the next step? Can debt collectors turn up to my house to take things? 

Do I simply wait to receive letters from these agencies and arrange a repayment plan with them? I don’t think I could afford much, until I’m bringing more money in

In the meantime will I have CCJs applied against me? Would an IVA be a better solution?

i actually cannot cope with this

Grumpelstiltskin

Your debts will not make any difference to UC.

Your husband will find out as you have joint accounts and as other people have said it is much better to tell him than he finds out.

As long as UC know you are a couple and you are declaring his wages then there is no problem.

What repercussions do you think there will be?

I can tell you, letters, phone calls text messages that is all.

Nothing terrible is going to happen but it is much better if you and your husband are working together and honest with each other.
Remember the old proverb 'A problem shared is a problem halved '

eleanorl89

sourcrates said:

All unsecured, non priority debts, you are not going to lose anything, your house is quite safe.

If legal action went as far as a charging order, as its a jointly owned home, only a restriction could be registered, so your house is perfectly safe, so put all thought of that out of your mind, try and relax, nothing bad is going to happen here.

Your best strategy is to let them all default and pay whatever you can afford to the collection companies that pick them up afterwards, see how things progress.

Honestly there`s no need to worry about any of this, its all easily dealt with.

Hi there

thanks so much from this. Would you please mind explaining in a bit more detail?

Most of them are in the process default & have been for several weeks, i am ringing the 1 tomorrow that i’m unsure about (natwest)

what happens next? They said that default could take upto 2 months i think. That the debts may be passed onto another agency

Do i literally just wait to hear from these agencies & then work it out with them. Will i not get summoned to court for a ccj or bankrupcy? Or is it just as simple as offering to pay them what I can - it really won’t be much till my situation improves

I’m really unsure I can deal with this physical and emotional turmoil. I have no one to blame but myself

eleanorl89

Grumpelstiltskin said:

Your debts will not make any difference to UC.

Your husband will find out as you have joint accounts and as other people have said it is much better to tell him than he finds out.

As long as UC know you are a couple and you are declaring his wages then there is no problem.

What repercussions do you think there will be?

I can tell you, letters, phone calls text messages that is all.

Nothing terrible is going to happen but it is much better if you and your husband are working together and honest with each other.
Remember the old proverb 'A problem shared is a problem halved '

We actually don’t have any joint financial accounts, the only thing we have in joint names is the mortgage & council tax. We’ve always kept our bank accounts separate & he pays the mortgage & council tax from his. So the only saving grace is that hopefully my recklessness won’t affect his financial standing as none of the debts are in his name either, just mine

i have actually spoken to my parents this evening about this now. Not about financial help as they are not in the position, but just to help me with my mental load. It hasn’t helped, though they were understanding, I feel more shame. What an embarrassment

We are however going to sit & ring through my creditors tomorrow to see what we can do. That or ring stepchange to enquire about an IVA. What would you suggest?

From what I’ve read, i’m terrified of being forced to sell our home / ccjs - being called to court? / people turning up to our house

Grumpelstiltskin

What ever you do DO NOT phone your creditors, you will get through to a minimum wage operative in a call centre and all they are interested in is getting you to pay them, they will not take any notice of your circumstances.

All unsecured debts will not be against your house so you won't lose your house and CCJs are rare and defiantly not at this stage.

There is in the future a slight chance of a door knocker, NOT a bailiff, if they do come they have no more authority than the milkman, you don't get bailiffs for normal consumer debts.

Stop panicking, when you panic you are tempted to do something that is wrong, they are hundreds of thousands of people in similar situations to you, it is solvable but there is no hurry, get your health better.