Please god help, 60k in debt and feeling suicidal

fatbelly

Do not rush into an IVA ( which is formal insolvency) or any other 'solution'. If you want to talk to someone I suggest National Debtline as they have no product to sell. Be careful it's the real one though

https://nationaldebtline.org/

If you don't feel ready to share with your husband, so be it. Share with us for the time being.

There is no point talking to your creditors tomorrow. Take that off your to do list

You need to know what happens and does not happen when you stop paying nonpriority debts

What happens

You get a default on your credit file that stays for 6 years. This is the lender taking you out of the terms and conditions that you signed up to

Interest and charges stop, some sooner than others

You get a lot of standard letters

Some debts are sold to debt purchase companies for them to work through their letters

Some debts are put to 3rd party debt collectors who work through their letters. Visits are rare because they have no right to take property or make any kind of threat

You may get offers to settle at a discount


What does not happen

Court action, at least not quickly. They have six years to start a claim even if you ignore them completely. So any court claim tends to happen later in the process, if at all.

Bailiffs can only be appointed after a defaulted court order. If the court orders you to pay £10 per month and you do so, that's complying with the order

Bankruptcy. Doesn't happen on these kinds of debts. HMRC maybe and I have been involved in a couple of cases with Council Tax. 

You will not be forced to sell anything

fatbelly

What bank do you have your main current account with?

ManyWays

 Will these debts somehow stop my UC? 
No. That can never happen.

We are however going to sit & ring through my creditors tomorrow to see what we can do. That or ring stepchange to enquire about an IVA. What would you suggest?
You have no income you could pay an IVA out of. And your partner would have to know about it as in an IVA they would want to be able to release equity from your house in the last year. This is a major decision and you are not near the point where you have a stable enough situation to opt for an IVA.

I think you need to get through the next few months and see how your mental health settles down after the baby. To help this I think a formal breathing space organised by StepChange would help, as I am assuming that before you just asked a few creditors for a break as not all your creditors were included.

There is no advantage to trying to pay a few creditors and not others. 

Some lenders have lent you a lot more than they should have so you may be able to win affordability complaints but these would only remove the interest, not clear the balance so this isnt a long term solution. 

It may well be that your best option is to ask the creditors to write off the debts because of your mental health. But this can wait, as most creditors will think this is too early.  

Rob5342

You are worrying about things that sometimes happen as a very last resort, your debts haven't even got to the first resort yet and there are lots to f things you can do before iy getd anywhere near what you are worried about. As advised before, stop paying the non priority debts and keep paying the priority ones, then you can look at what your long term strategy is. 

eleanorl89

fatbelly said:

What bank do you have your main current account with?

Natwest is who all my 3 accounts are with

elsien

Debt collectors lie. They send letters implying court action and say whatever they need to to try to get money out of you. They have no enforcement powers, they cannot turn up at your house and start taking things away. They rely on scaring people to try to get money out of you. You may get letters which appear to be court action - they are very unlikely to be so. If unsure, come on here and ask. 
If they start harassing you by phone, there is a template letter to tell them only to contact you by letter/email.  I second the earlier comment about in no circumstances phoning them. They will fluster you and you will agree to things that you can't afford, which will panic you even more. 
This is sortable without you losing everything. But you need to just do things one step at a time and don't rush into anything without being sure of what you are doing and that is the right thing for you.
You are very understandably panicking and that does not make for good decisions. 

What mental health support are you getting at the moment?

kimwp

Let's say it does go to court (which is very very very unlikely). The judge will not order you to pay more than you can afford, after you have fed and housed, clothed and heated etc all the members of your family. 

If you let all of your unsecured debts default (by not paying AND ignoring any attempts at communicating by your lenders), this is better regarding your credit history than arrangements to pay (which is what will likely happen if you try to negotiate with the lenders).

Only then, do you start paying off the debts, at a rate that you can afford. (Or some other debt solution that you (you, not the lenders) choose (fatbelly and sourcrates best placed re which is likely to be best).

A judge will not ask you to pay more than you can afford, so if (after defaults), you are already doing this, taking you to court would be a big waste of money.

If your money issues are playing on your mind and it will help your peace of mind to have a plan, you can move forward by doing an SOA (statement of Affairs, link in my signature), which shows what your spending is and will help us figure out what you can afford to pay your creditors. There's no rush though. Keep posting whenever you need to xx

Take_a_hike_Elon_and_Jeff

Congratulations on your new baby ! I am not a parent and so will never know the physical and mental emotions you must be going through but I imagine right now your mind and body must be in state of confusion so probably difficult to deal with everyday financial decisions in a rationale way right now.
Many years ago, I was on a DMP with StepChange they were very kind and helpful and as they are a charity there is no financial incentive for them to take a cut for profit. If that were the route they would help you with a budget and they will explain what priority and non priority debts are but as an example loans, credit cards etc are non priority and at the time whilst it was being set up they advised me to throw just £1 at each creditor until a proper DMP is up and running. By paying just £1 you actually haven't refused payment just paid the absolute minimum you can afford. Absolutely no need to contact your creditors StepChange deal with that
It takes a little time but in my case eventually all my creditors registered a default and all interest disappeared most will sell on your debt and your creditors will be taken over by new companies who would've paid less for the debt and there will be no interest charged.
StepChange are kind, patient and will not judge you and you will most definitely not lose your house. Credit cards and everyday loans are unsecured the exception is when a loan is taken out on your home as security.
 
You will get through this rest assured speaking to a charity as mentioned will help put your mind at rest. The most important thing is you have identified the issue it's when we ignore it that the problem compounds.  
I hope you can get some rest wherever you can! Perhaps like others have said leave it for now to talk to your partner until you can speak to a company like StepChange. Sending you lots of positive vibes!

eleanorl89

God guys thank you so so so much. I have been crying with relief. To know that i’m not in any immediate danger of losing my house etc

So it sounds like the plan should be - & if somebody could please confirm this

- STOP communicating with ALL lenders
- STOP paying Virgin and Very
- Ignore all further communication from Lenders
- Let accounts go to default
- Wait for collection agencies to contact me
- Arrange affordable repayments with the DCAs

Is this whole process likely to take a few more months to get there? As I say I have been in the process of defaulting for several weeks (3 or 4) with a few of them

I think if I know roughly when to expect certain things, my anxiety won’t be so bad

I have also approached the subject with my Husband tonight who was incredibly receptive. I am so taken aback, that guy is unbelievable. I havent yet gotten into the nitty gritty of figures, so that remains to be seen. But already he has reacted way better than I thought

Your mind is really a scary place sometimes. Especially with the postpartum hormones still raging round my body, I’ve never been so close to the precipice before

I do feel absolutely ashamed of the state I have gotten myself into financially. I just hope once my head is straight again, I can focus on building up my business, getting off benefits ASAP, paying off my debts & living a normal worry free life again

Thank you so much to the kind people who have replied on here. I know I’m just a random screen name, but truly you don’t understand the peace you have brought me

thank you

Take_a_hike_Elon_and_Jeff

I'm so glad to hear your husband has been receptive in a positive way. Don't ever be ashamed it's ok you are not a bad person we are human and don't always make the appropriate judgements and mistakes happen  because let's face it we live in a very fast paced tech jungle in these current times. I've made plenty of fuzzy decisions and am still very much learning but fortunately there are forums like these where really useful information is shared.
Something I am learning is to get closer to my friends who are good at managing their money and they have been so understanding when I have opened up to them.