Please god help, 60k in debt and feeling suicidal

birdsfoottrefoil

I think you’re being a wee bit harsh on the OP there. As she states she’s been giving birth to their children, then looking after their children, has had health issues a failed business and is not working. Because of this her husband will have been benefiting from both not having to contribute to childcare costs and also expecting her to contribute the same as previously whilst she has no income. Essentially her debt has given him more disposable income. I agree that she should have brought this up earlier, but looking at the husbands reaction you can see why she didn’t. 

weeg

First thing I want to say is that I'm so sorry for all that you are going through, Eleanor.

I can't add anything to the great advice you're getting about the actual debt, but I would offer up one piece of advice about the house. I have no idea if it's possible, or if your soon to be ex will listen, but: houses but up for sale hurriedly sell for less. I'm not saying you have to full on renovate, but time taken ( a week or 3 at least) deep cleaning, de-cluttering, putting stuff in the garage, 'dressing' rooms pays absolute dividends in getting a sale, and getting a better price. I know that's overwhelming advice right now. But, maybe, if you emphasise the potential financial gain/ faster sale your husband would agree to slow down and help? Maybe even pay for a couple of months of self-storage? 

I'm sorry if this is - to misquote Alanis Morrisette's ironic - advice that you just couldn't take, but it might be worth putting it to him. Stacy Solomon is on to something.

elsien

That's a good point, apart from suggesting the husband help which implies the responsibility is all on Eleanor. It isn't. And if both of them want a decent price, both of them have to work to get it. She has enough on her plate without sorting a house out on her own as well. 

ETA with regards to other posts I am concerned that side tracking from the support that Eleanor has asked and debating responsibilities  might put her off coming back for support and right now it's important that she feels able to keep coming here and carry on asking questions about the money/debt side of things that we can be clearer about. 

EssexHebridean

Great point about the house. When we sold, we stood back and looked at every room from ceiling to floor with a view of “what draws the eye” - it might be a slightly grotty bit of sealant round the bath, a dark patch on a ceiling which makes it look like there might be a leak (but in fact relates to candle smoke and just needs a clean) or a pile of kids toys spilling out of a cupboard which makes it look like there’s not enough storage. Each one needs noting, then a plan of action made to tackle between you. Simple things like ensuring oldest has a blackboard or similar set up somewhere which they use for drawing makes people think it’s less likely they will be viewing a house that will have crayon on the walls! Make sure the outside is appealing too - it’s often the first picture people will see in Rightmove and you want them to say “that looks nice” and go to the listing, rather than just scrolling on to the next house. Make the next room in the photos your most attractive space inside too, and if your garden is good and is a selling point, ask for a garden photo to be early on in the photo reel too when it’s listed. Have an agreed approach on reasons for moving too - and bear in mind a split will put a LOT of folk off - agree a party line between you and both stick to that, you both need to be mindful to ensure that no acrimony is apparent else people will walk away rather than risk getting stuck in the middle of it. 

weeg

elsien said:

That's a good point, apart from suggesting the husband help which implies the responsibility is all on Eleanor. It isn't. And if both of them want a decent price, both of them have to work to get it. She has enough on her plate without sorting a house out on her own as well. 

ETA with regards to other posts I am concerned that side tracking from the support that Eleanor has asked and debating responsibilities  might put her off coming back for support and right now it's important that she feels able to keep coming here and carry on asking questions about the money/debt side of things that we can be clearer about. 

You are correct - poor wording on my part. It seems to be the idiothusband driving the speed of things, so I was trying to say that he gets on board with taking time AND doing the work.

kimwp

elsien said:

That's a good point, apart from suggesting the husband help which implies the responsibility is all on Eleanor. It isn't. And if both of them want a decent price, both of them have to work to get it. She has enough on her plate without sorting a house out on her own as well. 

ETA with regards to other posts I am concerned that side tracking from the support that Eleanor has asked and debating responsibilities  might put her off coming back for support and right now it's important that she feels able to keep coming here and carry on asking questions about the money/debt side of things that we can be clearer about. 

Yes, apologies, I seem to inadvertently initiated a sub-thread on the house.

I hope you feel you can come back to the thread whenever you want Eleanor xx

LilSmiler

eleanorl89 said:

Hi guys

I’m doing ok, thank you for checking x

Things have been moving pretty quickly I must admit it’s shocked me. The house was valued today & will go on the market next week

I also spoke to a solicitor today who has talked me through things. I can’t remember the name of the document she was talking about as everything is a bit of a blur on barely any sleep (babies are fun!), but she suggested looking at having something officially in writing to protect assets / pensions etc. So will start down this journey, but again this costs money!

In regards to my debts, 2 of them have defaulted & passed on now. The 2 with MBNA. One has stayed in house with them - i have spoken to them & they are being very reasonable & are not asking me to pay anything at present due to my current situation. They have said in the future it may be sold on, but for now it’s with them

The 2nd with MBNA has been sold to credit security. I have emailed them & asked them to communicate with me by email or text only & they seem to be complying. For some reason I find written communication via my phone much less scary or intrusive. Again they have said they will work with me to pay only what is affordable. They have actually already mentioned looking at a reduced settlement figure, but obviously this isn’t a possibility at the moment

I’m just waiting for the others to default & see what communication i get from them. Natwest & Barclaycard sent letters previously with deadline dates of this week so I’m expecting communication from them any day & I am terrified if i’m honest. Things seem to have been too simple with all this so far!

Anyway, we’ll see what happens. Thanks guys, i’ll keep you updated!

Hope everything is OK @eleanorl89 - any update from the creditors..?

eleanorl89

Hi to those who are interested / around for an update


The past couple of weeks have been a whirlwind but I must admit I am starting to feel a lot better about things


In regards to the debts, all have now defaulted I believe. They have been passed onto the following companies - Moorcroft, Credit Security LTD, Specialist in house team. So any advice on how to deal with the first 2 companies would be greatly appreciated please. Are they typically ok to deal with? Are they a nightmare? Will they escalate things quickly?


I have heard from


MBNA LOAN - Their specialist in house ‘Customer Priority Team’ are now managing my account. I phoned them & the lady could not have been nicer. They weren’t going to contact me for 30 days, which is almost up I expect. Even then she said that they would only ever ask me to pay what I can afford & I am not currently at any risk for court or further action


MBNA CC - Passed onto Credit Security LTD. I asked them to contact me only via email as I find this a lot less intimidating than letters coming through the door or phone calls. They sent the following reply & also said they’d put my account on a 30 day hold, which again will almost be up I think. 

“We write further to your recent email and thank you for giving us consent to contact you via email.

We will be pleased to set up a repayment plan which is both affordable and realistic given your current situation.”

BARCLAYCARD - Got a letter through today that they have passed onto Moorcroft to deal with on their behalf. The letter talked only about setting up payments that were affordable to me & said moorcroft will be in touch. I am considering getting in touch & also asking these guys to only contact me via email

NATWEST - Just re-read their latest letter actually & they still haven’t defaulted me. Dated 28th January & it was for account termination but if i paid within 28 days of the letter then they wouldn’t report a default on my credit file. I assume when i don’t pay them, they will just follow the same steps as the other & either sell or pass on the debt to a different department or company?

As I say, now things are moving i’m starting to feel less anxious. The house is also on the market now, so that’s one less thing to worry about

I’ll get there! Thanks guys x

kimwp

Great to hear things are progressing Eleanor and even better to hear that you are feeling less anxious.

I'm not knowledgeable in default and dca's, so please look to the advice of more experienced posters, but my understanding is once your debts are given to debt collection agencies, they are even less likely to escalate - they've bought your debt for pennies, so any actions they take eat into their profits.

Just make sure your debts are defaulted before paying anything further, to avoid the arrangement to pay markers. Again, look to the experts, but I'm pretty sure NatWest will follow the same route as the others. Some take longer to default accounts than others.

eleanorl89

Thanks Kim. Can I also just say, thank you to everyone who has offered advice & support on this thread. I will continue to post updates as / when i can or if I need to if that’s ok

I cannot even begin to tell you how invaluable the support & advice was to me & improving my mental health at the time. I know that seems extreme, but it really was. I was in a very dark place at a very vulnerable time after giving birth but can finally see a light at the end of the tunnel… i mean it’s far away, but it’s there lol

I’ve never experienced such a kind, supportive space on the internet. Thank you to you all