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Please god help, 60k in debt and feeling suicidal

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  • kimwp
    kimwp Posts: 3,025 Forumite
    Fifth Anniversary 1,000 Posts Photogenic Name Dropper
    edited 16 January at 7:21PM
    To my untrained eyes, it looks they have defaulted you (although it seems very quick). You've got at least 30 days to figure that out before their next action of ...(Drumroll)....trying to contact you again. (So clearly nothing to worry about even if you do literally nothing for a month)

    I think you can check your credit record to see if the default has registered. Check the mse webpage for how - it might take a bit of time to show - I'm sure Google will have the answer. 

    But, before you start paying anything, you need to get your SOA sorted and build up an emergency fund. Did we get to a good place with your SOA ( accurately representing your income and outgoings)? Sometimes when a poster is particularly panicked (no judgement, just fact), the logical steps can get lost in the flurry of posts, so let's take the opportunity to review where you are:
    1. Accurate SOA based on 6-12 months of outgoings?
    2. New, basic bank account, unconnected with your consumer debt creditors - tick!
    3. Stop paying and ignore creditors to get defaults for optimal impact on credit history - making good progress!
    4. Emergency fund 
    5. Start making payments 
    6. (Further down the line) CCAs and full and final offers.
    Statement of Affairs (SOA) link: https://www.lemonfool.co.uk/financecalculators/soa.php

    For free, non-judgemental debt advice, try: Stepchange or National Debtline. Beware fee charging companies with similar names.
  • eleanorl89
    eleanorl89 Posts: 76 Forumite
    Third Anniversary 10 Posts Name Dropper
    I’ve just had a chat with my Husband about an SOA & he’s basically told me to keep him completely out of it, so i’ll post my account details below

    We have separate accounts & it has always been agreed between us that he would pay for the mortgage & I pay for the bills. We’ve split costs such as meals out etc one pays then the other etc. It’s why the debt rose so much, as I haven’t been working, so things (including bills) went on credit cards

    Not sure if i’ve done this right so apologies if it’s a load of nonsense!

    [font=courier new][b]Statement of Affairs and Personal Balance Sheet[/b][b]

    Household Information[/b]
    Number of adults in household........... 1
    Number of children in household......... 2
    Number of cars owned.................... [b]

    Monthly Income Details[/b]
    Monthly income after tax................ 0
    Partners monthly income after tax....... 0
    Benefits................................ 1153.66
    Other income............................ 0[b]
    Total monthly income.................... 1153.66[/b][b]

    Monthly Expense Details[/b]
    Mortgage................................ 0
    Secured/HP loan repayments.............. 135
    Rent.................................... 0
    Management charge (leasehold property).. 0
    Council tax............................. 168
    Electricity............................. 95
    Gas..................................... 95
    Oil..................................... 0
    Water rates............................. 30
    Telephone (land line)................... 0
    Mobile phone............................ 25
    TV Licence.............................. 28.25
    Satellite/Cable TV...................... 18
    Internet Services....................... 17
    Groceries etc. ......................... 200
    Clothing................................ 0
    Petrol/diesel........................... 50
    Road tax................................ 0
    Car Insurance........................... 27
    Car maintenance (including MOT)......... 0
    Car parking............................. 0
    Other travel............................ 0
    Childcare/nursery....................... 50
    Other child related expenses............ 0
    Medical (prescriptions, dentist etc).... 0
    Pet insurance/vet bills................. 100
    Buildings insurance..................... 0
    Contents insurance...................... 0
    Life assurance ......................... 0
    Other insurance......................... 0
    Presents (birthday, christmas etc)...... 0
    Haircuts................................ 0
    Entertainment........................... 45
    Holiday................................. 0
    Emergency fund.......................... 0
    Student Loan............................ 30[b]
    Total monthly expenses.................. 1113.25[/b]
    [b]

    Assets[/b]
    Cash.................................... 0
    House value (Gross)..................... 310000
    Shares and bonds........................ 0
    Car(s).................................. 0
    Other assets............................ 0[b]
    Total Assets............................ 310000[/b]
    [b]

    Secured & HP Debts[/b]
    Description....................Debt......Monthly...APR
    Mortgage...................... 265000...(0)........0
    Hire Purchase (HP) debt ...... 5100.....(135)......0[b]
    Total secured & HP debts...... 270100....-.........-   [/b]

    [b]Unsecured Debts[/b]
    Description....................Debt......Monthly...APR
    MBNA Loan......................9193......0.........0
    MBNA CC........................9286......0.........0
    Natwest CC.....................19719.....0.........0
    Very...........................2750......0.........0
    Virgin CC......................4811......0.........0
    Barclaycard CC.................14094.....0.........0[b]
    Total unsecured debts..........59853.....0.........-  [/b]

    [b]
    Monthly Budget Summary[/b]
    Total monthly income.................... 1,153.66
    Expenses (including HP & secured debts). 1,113.25
    Available for debt repayments........... 40.41
    Monthly UNsecured debt repayments....... 0[b]
    Amount left after debt repayments....... 40.41[/b]

    [b]Personal Balance Sheet Summary[/b]
    Total assets (things you own)........... 310,000
    Total HP & Secured debt................. -270,100
    Total Unsecured debt.................... -59,853[b]
    Net Assets.............................. -19,953[/b]

    [i]Created using the SOA calculator at www.LemonFool.co.uk.
    Reproduced on Moneysavingexpert with permission, using other browser.[/i][/font] 
  • Rob5342
    Rob5342 Posts: 2,438 Forumite
    1,000 Posts Third Anniversary Name Dropper
    What you posted is the kind of wording you'd expect for a defaulted account but it does seem incredibly quick. When did you first miss a payment. 
  • eleanorl89
    eleanorl89 Posts: 76 Forumite
    Third Anniversary 10 Posts Name Dropper
    Rob5342 said:
    What you posted is the kind of wording you'd expect for a defaulted account but it does seem incredibly quick. When did you first miss a payment. 
    First payment missed around August / September
  • Rob5342
    Rob5342 Posts: 2,438 Forumite
    1,000 Posts Third Anniversary Name Dropper
    eleanorl89 said:
    Rob5342 said:
    What you posted is the kind of wording you'd expect for a defaulted account but it does seem incredibly quick. When did you first miss a payment. 
    First payment missed around August / September
    Ah, that makes more sense. I thought the stsrt of the thread was the start of your journey but I've just seen that you said they were in the process of defaulting you at the start. 

    It sounds like they have defaulted you as they said they have ended your agreement, that's what mine said to me when they defaulted me. You can start thinking about repaying this one now, but there is no immediate rush, spend some time thinking about your budget first.

    I would start by looking at a budget for yourselves first to see what debt repayments would be sustainable between you. Once you've done thst you can create a separate budget just for sending to the creditors. 
  • elsien
    elsien Posts: 36,192 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 10,000 Posts Name Dropper Photogenic
    I do think splitting the costs of meals out between you in the same way as previously was unfair once you stopped working. Where did he think the money was coming from for these?
    It is fair enough to do your own SOA based on your income and what you pay, just bear in mind (and this may be a conversation for another time) that how bills and children's (and pet) expenses work might need to change in accordance with changed circumstances - by which I mean you having just had a baby and not working, not your debt. 
    All shall be well, and all shall be well, and all manner of things shall be well.

    Pedant alert - it's could have, not could of.
  • [Deleted User]
    [Deleted User] Posts: 0 Newbie
    100 Posts Name Dropper
    I just wanted to say I really wish you well with this.

    I'm not going to pretend to know as much as most people on here, so hopefully all their kind advice will really be of use to you.

    You WILL get through this and you WILL come out stronger.
  • eleanorl89
    eleanorl89 Posts: 76 Forumite
    Third Anniversary 10 Posts Name Dropper
    @elsien @kimwp thanks guys. I do think this but he is funny about money at the best of times, hence why I was certain he was going to leave me after finding out & then gobsmacked that he hasn’t (though the jury is still out on this, he has been acting very off with me the past couple of days)

    I received around 35k inheritance money from my Grandad in November 2022, we spent over half of it on much needed house renovations & the rest just went into my savings. So I assume he thought it was coming from that and then more recently my UC. Never asked any questions really
  • kimwp
    kimwp Posts: 3,025 Forumite
    Fifth Anniversary 1,000 Posts Photogenic Name Dropper
    eleanorl89 said:
    I’ve just had a chat with my Husband about an SOA & he’s basically told me to keep him completely out of it, so i’ll post my account details below

    We have separate accounts & it has always been agreed between us that he would pay for the mortgage & I pay for the bills. We’ve split costs such as meals out etc one pays then the other etc. It’s why the debt rose so much, as I haven’t been working, so things (including bills) went on credit cards

    Not sure if i’ve done this right so apologies if it’s a load of nonsense!

    [font=courier new][b]Statement of Affairs and Personal Balance Sheet[/b][b]

    Household Information[/b]
    Number of adults in household........... 1
    Number of children in household......... 2
    Number of cars owned.................... [b]

    Monthly Income Details[/b]
    Monthly income after tax................ 0
    Partners monthly income after tax....... 0
    Benefits................................ 1153.66
    Other income............................ 0[b]
    Total monthly income.................... 1153.66[/b][b]

    Monthly Expense Details[/b]
    Mortgage................................ 0
    Secured/HP loan repayments.............. 135
    Rent.................................... 0
    Management charge (leasehold property).. 0
    Council tax............................. 168
    Electricity............................. 95
    Gas..................................... 95
    Oil..................................... 0
    Water rates............................. 30
    Telephone (land line)................... 0
    Mobile phone............................ 25
    TV Licence.............................. 28.25
    Satellite/Cable TV...................... 18
    Internet Services....................... 17
    Groceries etc. ......................... 200
    Clothing................................ 0
    Petrol/diesel........................... 50
    Road tax................................ 0
    Car Insurance........................... 27
    Car maintenance (including MOT)......... 0
    Car parking............................. 0
    Other travel............................ 0
    Childcare/nursery....................... 50
    Other child related expenses............ 0
    Medical (prescriptions, dentist etc).... 0
    Pet insurance/vet bills................. 100
    Buildings insurance..................... 0
    Contents insurance...................... 0
    Life assurance ......................... 0
    Other insurance......................... 0
    Presents (birthday, christmas etc)...... 0
    Haircuts................................ 0
    Entertainment........................... 45
    Holiday................................. 0
    Emergency fund.......................... 0
    Student Loan............................ 30[b]
    Total monthly expenses.................. 1113.25[/b]
    [b]

    Assets[/b]
    Cash.................................... 0
    House value (Gross)..................... 310000
    Shares and bonds........................ 0
    Car(s).................................. 0
    Other assets............................ 0[b]
    Total Assets............................ 310000[/b]
    [b]

    Secured & HP Debts[/b]
    Description....................Debt......Monthly...APR
    Mortgage...................... 265000...(0)........0
    Hire Purchase (HP) debt ...... 5100.....(135)......0[b]
    Total secured & HP debts...... 270100....-.........-   [/b]

    [b]Unsecured Debts[/b]
    Description....................Debt......Monthly...APR
    MBNA Loan......................9193......0.........0
    MBNA CC........................9286......0.........0
    Natwest CC.....................19719.....0.........0
    Very...........................2750......0.........0
    Virgin CC......................4811......0.........0
    Barclaycard CC.................14094.....0.........0[b]
    Total unsecured debts..........59853.....0.........-  [/b]

    [b]
    Monthly Budget Summary[/b]
    Total monthly income.................... 1,153.66
    Expenses (including HP & secured debts). 1,113.25
    Available for debt repayments........... 40.41
    Monthly UNsecured debt repayments....... 0[b]
    Amount left after debt repayments....... 40.41[/b]

    [b]Personal Balance Sheet Summary[/b]
    Total assets (things you own)........... 310,000
    Total HP & Secured debt................. -270,100
    Total Unsecured debt.................... -59,853[b]
    Net Assets.............................. -19,953[/b]

    [i]Created using the SOA calculator at www.LemonFool.co.uk.
    Reproduced on Moneysavingexpert with permission, using other browser.[/i][/font] 

    I'll be more about the numbers in this post and leave the emotion in my other post  :D

    It's more tricky to do an SOA with only part of a household, but it just means we need to make sure we (you and us) ask all a few more questions to make sure it is accurate. If it is the SOA for a whole household, then we just need to check that the figures are accurate and then we can make some judgement based on household size if the figures could be easily reduced or maybe increased because that allowance for that spend is not sustainable. If the SOA is for part of a household, we need to understand what the cost is for each category for the whole household for the previous reasons and your contribution (for each category where you are making a contribution - if your husband is paying it all and happy to pay it, then we don't need to know about it.)

    First observations are that
    - the numbers seem very round - have you been through your bank accounts for the last 3-6 months (ideally 12 months) and added the total cost and divided by 12?
    - groceries seem low, is this really what you are spending as a household?
    - do you have contents/house insurance? Do you have life assurance? All quite important if you have a house and dependents.
    - Does any of those benefits need to be paid back? (Eg if your husband earns over the thresholds, and if so, what is the agreement - do you keep the money or does it go to him?)
    - Is that £45 entertainment the meals out you mentioned? If not, where is this?
    - What is the situation with the car? Who uses it, do you need it?
    Statement of Affairs (SOA) link: https://www.lemonfool.co.uk/financecalculators/soa.php

    For free, non-judgemental debt advice, try: Stepchange or National Debtline. Beware fee charging companies with similar names.
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