Money Moral Dilemma: Should I ask my ex-fiancée if I can have the engagement ring I gave her back?

MSE_Laura_F

This week's MoneySaver who wants advice asks...

I asked my (then) girlfriend to marry me and she said yes, but not long after she changed her mind, and we soon broke up. No one was to blame; we just grew apart. We have two children together and we're still on good terms. I have some money struggles - nothing too bad but it will take some time to pay off what I owe. I hadn’t asked my ex for the engagement ring back as I hoped one day we might get back together, but I no longer think this will happen. Can I ask her if I can have the ring back so I can sell it, or do I just accept the loss and learn my lesson?

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Hoenir

There's nothing to stop you asking. 

Clive_Woody

The decent thing would have been for her to hand it back if she said no, so I would ask for it back, I don't think that is unreasonable.

LinLui

You are paying a fair contribution to the maintenance of your children and do your share of the childcare arrangements? If so, then it is reasonable to ask. If not, then she should sell it and keep the money.

lisyloo

Personally I think it's a gift and on that basis it's a no.
You wouldn't ask for an xmas or birthday gift back if you fell out with someone.

LightFlare

yes - absolutely. 

Ask and if she refuses, thank your lucky stars you avoided her

Brie

LightFlare said:

yes - absolutely. 

Ask and if she refuses, thank your lucky stars you avoided her

She might have already sold it herself.

the_lunatic_is_in_my_head

https://www.legislation.gov.uk/ukpga/1970/33

(2)The gift of an engagement ring shall be presumed to be an absolute gift; this presumption may be rebutted by proving that the ring was given on the condition, express or implied, that it should be returned if the marriage did not take place for any reason.

No right unless agreed otherwise but can't hurt to ask. 

Savvy_Sue

the_lunatic_is_in_my_head said:

https://www.legislation.gov.uk/ukpga/1970/33

(2)The gift of an engagement ring shall be presumed to be an absolute gift; this presumption may be rebutted by proving that the ring was given on the condition, express or implied, that it should be returned if the marriage did not take place for any reason.

No right unless agreed otherwise but can't hurt to ask. 

Interesting! I'm sure that traditionally, the 'right' thing to do was to return it, although equally sure that she didn't have to. 

LinLui

Savvy_Sue said:

the_lunatic_is_in_my_head said:

https://www.legislation.gov.uk/ukpga/1970/33

(2)The gift of an engagement ring shall be presumed to be an absolute gift; this presumption may be rebutted by proving that the ring was given on the condition, express or implied, that it should be returned if the marriage did not take place for any reason.

No right unless agreed otherwise but can't hurt to ask. 

Interesting! I'm sure that traditionally, the 'right' thing to do was to return it, although equally sure that she didn't have to. 

The "right" thing to do also includes fully supporting your children,  and being equally responsible for their upbringing. Funnily,  that often doesn't happen. I'm looking forward to the OP confirming that they are FULLY supporting their children,  financially,  emotionally and in terms of time. Or do the "money struggles" mean they aren't? 

Rosa_Damascena

An engagement ring serves as a token of eternity, not a shackle to submit or as an insurance policy.

If I were your ex I wouldn't want anything to do with it and be glad to hand it back. It may help her move on.