Money Moral Dilemma: Should I ask my ex-fiancée if I can have the engagement ring I gave her back?

barrovian

An engagement ring, eternity ring or wedding ring are the belongings of the receiver not the giver, maybe sell something of your own to help resolve your finances. Maybe think about changing your phone tariff or other subscriptions you may have. 

2702

She should have given it back when she told you that the marriage was off, As the promise to get married did not happen.

Brigantia4444

Why on earth did you have children with someone you are not married to??!!

You 'ate the cake' before you got to cut it! 

It's a stupid problem of your own making - and not a bit controlling... 

Crazy modern morality dilemmas.

P0123

I am sorry to read of your situation.

You don't say how long ago you got engaged and, really, your ex-fiancee should have given back the engagement ring since she was calling it off.

It's not down to legal or official rules, it's down to "the right thing to do".  A person gives an engagement ring as a symbol of uniting two people for the future, but should one party decide to break the engagement, ie, the unity, then the symbol of this should be returned.

I think the "accepted" exceptions are if one of the party has done something wrong, (eg, had an affair, domestic abuse, something criminal, etc), plus I do think this "moral rule" mainly applies to when the recipient of the ring breaks the engagement, as it will be them giving it back, rather than it being taken back.

However, if this situation happened a long time ago, then it's slightly more awkward asking for it back, even though it is rightly your's.  Just explain your situation, since you are still getting on well, and ask for the ring, or proceeds of, if she still has it.  (Sadly, many secondhand rings don't fetch as much.)

Think of it like in the scenario of the couples who break off a wedding, after receiving many presents.  They don't keep the presents because there is no longer a wedding, let alone marriage.

Best of luck.

primrose_penguin

I am surprised she didn't hand it back at the time. Like others have said if you support your children and as you are on good terms it does no harm to ask, especially if she no longer wears it, however you may find she has already sold it?? If so it is not worth falling out over, you need to keep that friendly connection for all your sakes but especially your childrens.

liveletlive

Personal Opinion: its a gift, its not yours to ask back. You might as well as her for some money.

flowerystripes

I think that as she changed her mind morally she ought to give it back to you, but whether you ask or not is a difficult one as you don't want to annoy her if she is the mother of your children.  If you had called it off then it's hers! 

Universalprovider

An interesting issue, but as others have made clear there are wider issues at stake, principally the long term relationship with your ex and the effect of any decisions on your children.  I suggest you would have to weigh the value of the engagement ring against how you believe she would probably react (depending on how you phrased your question and her financial circumstances, including your contribution for the children).  It wouldn't have occurred to me to ask for either my wedding or engagement rings back (either time) but I've been fortunate(?) not to have needed to consider it.
*If you are getting on well, perhaps you can initially ask if she still has it/wears it....

Benthebadger

It is so difficult to get sensible money for the sale of used modern jewellery unless it cost an absolute packet, that i don't think it would be risking bad feeling over. A gift is a gift, anyway.

bikaga

If you're on good terms, be honest, describe your situation, and say that having the ring back would help you. She may or may not still have it or want to return it. As others said, no idea if you're paying child support etc - she might need it to keep her own head above water. Ask, find out.