Money Moral Dilemma: Should I ask my ex-fiancée if I can have the engagement ring I gave her back?

Zabadak!

I don't know what you paid for the ring but just be aware you will get nothing like what you paid for it back. I recently had my engagement ring valued & was told if I sold it I would get roughly half of that value.

GraceDalton

Since she called off the engagement, she should have given it back already. Yes you are entitled to ask for it back.

GG&GG

I would let it go unless you are in desperate need of funds as the relationship is much more important. Parents on good terms is the most valuable thing for any child. The ring is an important family symbol of the love and care your children’s parents have had and continue to have in an evolving way for each other. It is an object that will hold great significance for your children - I would discuss with your ex-fiancée which child will inherit it, as they may wish to use it themselves one day, or perhaps the components could be refashioned into two items so both can have a piece. Good luck.

taxangel_2

Above all else you have children together and, however you feel now, your ongoing relationship with their mother is tied to your relationship with your children and will influence their lives as they grow up. 

Fostering a friendly and supportive relationship with your ex may be worth more to you long term than extracting the current value of a ring that has potential volatility for both parties. 

You could try to rise above it and find an independent way to pay your debt. 

In the grand scheme of things, who do you want to be… resentful and tied to the past, or responsible and free to be your future-self?

gezi

woolie58 said:

An engagement ring is given in contemplation of a marriage taking place, and is not , as such, a gift. If the marriage is not going to take place then she should return the ring as legally it is yours.

except it’s not. As someone else already quoted the law in this area

gezi

I think you could ask. I wouldn’t go as far as to say “there’s no harm in asking” as this may well damage the relationship further and you have children together. As another stated, unless the stone is significant, you won’t see much of a return anyway so think is it really worth the bad feeling it could create. You gave the ring to her, it belongs to her. This is the mother of your children, it’s not like this was something she dreamt up in order to part you
from your cash and get a shiny ring. If you guys broke up, maybe it was too little too late. You’ve both put the time into this relationship but unfortunately it wasn’t to be. Focus on co-parenting and sorting out your own financial affairs. Would the sale of the ring make the debt vanish? How was the debt accumulated etc. either way, it’s not her problem but yours, and I don’t mean that in an uncaring way. Best of luck rebuilding your life 

bill5ja

Don't be a dkhead, better to keep the mother of your children as a friend in need.

 

mathsmaster

I agree to wash your car at some point in the future. You give me £20. I change my mind and decide I don't want to wash your car. You are indeed entitled to ask me for it back.

I am curious if there is a split in responses along gender lines.

drjohn67

Still wearing it? That would seem unusual unless she truly has no enmity towards you although it would be too uncomfortable of a reminder for most.also, her new partner might not like it….

Not wearing it? Perhaps forgotten or not wanting an uncomfortable or upsetting encounter when handing it back.

Sold it? She feels that it was a gift for her to choose to do as she wished.

I suspect that she would have handed it back already if she was going to and asking for it might simply sour your residual relationship. 

ShinyStarlight1

I think the most important thing here is your mutually good relationship as parents to your shared children. That benefits them and you.

It sounds like it is only your money worries that are making you think about asking for the ring back: that perhaps you wouldn’t ask for it otherwise.

If that is the case, it may be good to be upfront and explain that to her. That would respect each of you, and not disrupt your good relationship. As you get on well, she may agree to return it to you in order to help you.