Money Moral Dilemma: Should I ask my ex-fiancée if I can have the engagement ring I gave her back?

horsewithnoname

ask her. She probably doesn’t want it anymore 

Alisonken10

MSE_Laura_F said:

This week's MoneySaver who wants advice asks...

I asked my (then) girlfriend to marry me and she said yes, but not long after she changed her mind, and we soon broke up. No one was to blame; we just grew apart. We have two children together and we're still on good terms. I have some money struggles - nothing too bad but it will take some time to pay off what I owe. I hadn’t asked my ex for the engagement ring back as I hoped one day we might get back together, but I no longer think this will happen. Can I ask her if I can have the ring back so I can sell it, or do I just accept the loss and learn my lesson?

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I always thought the rules were if he calls it off she gets to keep the ring, if she calls it off she gives it back? 

gerrag

Here's my thoughts.....

Since you and your ex are still on good terms, why don't you both agree to sell the ring and invest/spend the proceeds for the benefit of your children?
You will lose what it cost you; she will lose what she no longer has the need/right/desire to wear. Consider that result as a draw, whilst your kids benefit from your mutual sacrifice.
It definitely won't be the last sacrifice you'll both have to make for them; so start with this one.

CapeTown

woolie58 said:

An engagement ring is given in contemplation of a marriage taking place, and is not , as such, a gift. If the mrriage is not going to take place then she should return the ring as legally it is yours.

Clearly you know little about the law. I am pretty sure hre wouldn't have made her sign a contract before handing the ring over. It is a token, a gift.

CapeTown

Faceuptoreality said:

I like the way lots of replies make up their own laws rather tHan leaving that job to professionals.

My answer is

Do not live with and have children with someone until you are both sure that you want to spend the rest of your life with them.

You don’t say how you got into money troubles but it seems to me that she had a narrow escape there.

What a ridiculous thing to say. If we lived by your advice,  nobody would have children.  My ex with whom I have three wonderful children left me after nearly three decades. Should I have thought at the beginning that maybe he was a wrongun.

LightFlare

equality - but only when it benefits women.

If you want traditional then she hands it back

Otherwise she either:
1) buys her own
2) buys him a gift of equal value

and the nonsense about she given him children as a “gift” - what rubbish - can he return them after 30 days for a full refund or just throw them out and have no legal commitments- NO

If asking for the ring back and expecting any response to have an affect to the relationship just shows what a lucky escape HE had. Emotional blackmail at its finest

IvonH

Personally, I believe engagement rings to be a symbol of times past when women were chattel and needed the financial security of an engagement ring because they were not able to work. 
So, I don't think women should get engagement rings and men should not give them.  (Not formed an opinion on same-sex engagements and rings yet...)
But the fact that she changed her mind means she should have given the ring back anyway without being asked.  Therefore, I believe it is entirely right and sensible to ask for it back, especially if you are having financial difficulties.  
(By the way, I am a woman in her 60s.  Never had an engagement ring, but am happily married.)

Chris_Jay

An engagement ring belongs to the person it was gifted to, so no, you have no rights to ask for it back.
You say you have children together, maybe she would like to give it to one of the children, as a token of daddy's love.

ZeroSum

Instead of selling it, could claim on insurance if something unfortunate were to happen to it 




Yes, I know it's fraud before anyone starts.

Ringo90

This is funny... shortly after we decided to be a couple, one of my exes gave me a very simple, non valuable ring (I'm not even sure it was actual silver or something you would buy at Accessorize), and he was honest saying he had found it on the floor, literally. That would have put off most people, but instead I still found it a sweet gesture (he was also not doing well financially) and I value honesty way more than money. So it became somewhat a symbol and I wore it most days. When he broke up with me 3 years later (and I want to stress that HE did), I put it on his bedstand one night. Clearly, he could not make any money out of it, it was just my way of saying "that was a symbol of our union, now unfortunately I can't wear it anymore".

All that is to say, in no way I can imagine a scenario where I changed my mind about an engagement and still kept the ring. It's only unfortunate that you have to ask and after some time too, because it only becomes more difficult for you and that is unfair.