Money Moral Dilemma: Should I ask my ex-fiancée if I can have the engagement ring I gave her back?

LinLui

Rosa_Damascena It may help her move on.

So might the money? 

Silvertabby

Only if it was a family heirloom.  Assuming not, let it go.   Unless it contains a whopper of a stone, you wouldn't get back anywhere near what you paid for it -  more like just scrap value of the gold.

woolie58

An engagement ring is given in contemplation of a marriage taking place, and is not , as such, a gift. If the marriage is not going to take place then she should return the ring as legally it is yours.

ripongrammargirl

I agree with woolie58 in that an engagement ring is given as a sign of commitment and “contract” to become married. If this does not happen then the ring should, and must, be returned as she has broken the “contract”. Why would she want it anyway from a former fiancé? It’s his property so ask for it back, but she should have returned it when she reneged on the marriage. 

margaretk

As others have said, I think she should have given it back to you when you broke up.  Certainly ask for it back.

ukjack

Tricky. I think it would have been decent of her to offer to give it back but for you to refuse (unless she was leading you on or cheating on you etc).  But not unreasonable of her to just keep it as, as the law says, it is normally an absolute gift.

At the same time asking for it back may create.... difficulties and, as she is the mother of your 2 children and you are on good terms, that could cause many more problems than the money would resolve.

Best of luck

HillStreetBlues

the_lunatic_is_in_my_head said:

https://www.legislation.gov.uk/ukpga/1970/33

(2)The gift of an engagement ring shall be presumed to be an absolute gift; this presumption may be rebutted by proving that the ring was given on the condition, express or implied, that it should be returned if the marriage did not take place for any reason.

No right unless agreed otherwise but can't hurt to ask. 

How romantic.
"You're the love of my life, will you marry me?" PS if you dump me before wedding I want the ring back.
N.B. that wasn't directed at you

Julia1960

An engagement ring is actually a little different from a birthday or a Christmas gift because it is given on the understanding that your partner has agreed to marry you. If your partner subsequently changes their mind they are breaking the agreement you both had to stay faithful to each other and to subsequently get married. It’s therefore morally wrong for a partner to keep an engagement ring if they break off the engagement. However, rather than asking for the ring back point-blank, I would suggest initially you try to keep things amicable. Just be honest, explain that you are in financial difficulties, and see what your ex-partner has to say. She may well surprise you and offer the ring back. If she doesn’t, I would make it clear you had been expecting the ring back, are very disappointed by her behaviour, and tell her you are grateful you found out what she was really like before it was too late. I broke off an engagement many years ago at the age of 19 and didn’t think twice about returning the ring; I automatically gave it back.

sjaeagle5

There’s nothing wrong with asking, as your relationship is still amicable, but explain the reasons why before asking to save any confusion, as she may think you’re intending to give it to someone else.  Just don’t be too upset if she refuses or says she’s unable to do so as she sold it or doesn’t have it anymore for whatever reason.  If you get it back, great!  But don’t push it if you want to remain amicable.

SteveSi

Before asking for the ring to be returned, find out how much you would get for it by showing the pawn shop or jewelers a picture of it and telling them the gold carat  purity. You may decide it's not worth the trouble.