Money Moral Dilemma: Should I ask my ex-fiancée if I can have the engagement ring I gave her back?

Muffy31

Because she ended it she should have handed it back. You should ask her to return it. Good luck.  

Marvel1

Probably easier not to buy ring and just propose marriage.

Sbee25

Your ex should have returned that the minute she decided she didn’t want to be engaged anymore. I think you should ask for it back especially as you are struggling financially and it would be very bad on her part if she refused as she no longer has any right to it.

Phil4432

The fact that she took the ring and THEN turned you down, without returning the ring, means that you've dodged a bullet.

In order to be on good terms with you as the father of her children, she should have returned the ring.  Even without that factor, she should have had the decency to return the ring without you even asking.

All you can do is ask, if she says no then there's nothing you can do.  But do be thankful that she isn't your wife.  She'd probably have cost you far more later on.  So you've gained more than you've lost.

In this day and age, its not worth men getting married as the system is against you in divorce.  It's like entering into a business deal with someone, where the other will get rewarded for breaking the deal. 

bunnygo

Whatever happens, I wouldn't stress too much about this - second-hand jewellery is worth buttons except for the scrap value. If you bought it at a jewellers you paid a massive premium.

Ringo90

Phil4432 said:

In this day and age, its not worth men getting married as the system is against you in divorce.  It's like entering into a business deal with someone, where the other will get rewarded for breaking the deal. 

That is nonsense! I'm so tired to hear about these old mysoginistic myths! A spouse receives extra money in a divorce only if the law finds he/she was financially disadvantaged because of the marriage itself! That was the case, especially in the past, for women who were encouraged to give up any chances of career (if they could have any at all) by devoting their time to caring for their family, husband included! My parents divorced 20 years ago and my mother never got any spouse maintenance because she had a job (even though she earned less than my father).
Not to mention, most women get custody of children after a divorce, and not many men seem to realise what it takes to suddenly having to take care of your children by yourself after a divorce! 

badmemory

This really is not about what the law is.  The answers I would like are, how long did the engagement actually last & just how relieved were both of you, not just her, that it was now over & how long ago was that.  Unless the ring was worth a significant amount like £10k then is it really worth upsetting the applecart.  You may find the ring thrown at you, followed by a letter asking for an increase in child maintenance due to the cost of living.  

But then I still grind my teeth over the 3 yrs maintenance my ex didn't pay and that is 30 years ago.

Ringo90

badmemory said:

This really is not about what the law is.  The answers I would like are, how long did the engagement actually last & just how relieved were both of you, not just her, that it was now over & how long ago was that.  Unless the ring was worth a significant amount like £10k then is it really worth upsetting the applecart.  You may find the ring thrown at you, followed by a letter asking for an increase in child maintenance due to the cost of living.  

But then I still grind my teeth over the 3 yrs maintenance my ex didn't pay and that is 30 years ago.

The thing is, regardless of how much he can make out of it and how the engagement really went, she should have given it back. Even assuming he'd throw it in the garbage, it was not hers to keep.

badmemory

I totally agree the right thing (not the legal thing) at the time was for her to hand it back.  The real question now is what will be the fallout from asking for it back now.  If asked at the time then alright or even a few weeks later, but to ask a couple of years later could cause problems, which is why I was wondering when all this happened.

StevieDavison

It was a ring given as promise to marry, as you are no longer going to marry then its reasonable for you to ask for it back.  If she doesn't give it back, there isn't much you can do other than to write to Judge Judy who always gets the man to give the ring back. Good luck