Money Moral Dilemma: My son wants me to give him £40,000 even though he doesn't need it - should I?

Veteransaver

I think it can lead to huge resentment if you don't treat your kids equally.
Similar thing happened to me where parents gave £10k to my sibling to " help them out". Despite the fact that them and their partner earned more than us and generally were incredibly wasteful.
I was a little annoyed but didn't make a huge fuss about it as it was only £10k. I did make it noted in the will though that they have had some of their inheritance early in effect.
But the risk of doing that is also there might be nothing left from the estate.
Having inheritance now is also worth a lot more than having it (possibly) in 10, 20, 30  years time.

Loganberry1

Obviously anyone can see this is unfair. But also it is your money to do with what you want. 
We have limited information to make comments on this. 
There could be other options. 
2. Say no to your son, live with the resentment from your son.
2. See what you can afford to give your son, eg. £10,000 to see if this helps the situation.
3. Go back to your daughter and say, when interest rates change could she please pay you back x ammount a month. Obviously this could cause resentment in different ways.
4. Sit down with your family and see what they think. 
5. Give your son the whole 40,000 and be in a tight situation yourself 

I'm sure there are other options. I'm sure no option will please everyone, if that is what you are trying to do.
I feel for your son as my partner and I both have good jobs now but, as we had to have an interest only mortgage for quite a while due to circumstances beyond our control,  our mortgage is still big and, now very expensive. I know our parents do not know this so a decision like this would seem very difficult within our family. 

Ultimately though,  the decision is yours 

squirrel59

The money is yours, yes. But so is the responsibility to treat your kids fairly and keep the peace in the family.
Rule Numero Uno: always treat your children equally, particularly when it comes to money. Big mistake not to. Just shoving the solution into a hopely very distant future won't cut it.
So now what? I would invite the both of them and have the conversation you should have had before you gave your daughter the 40k.
If you really couldn't afford to fork out 80k, you could have lent your daughter the money against the going savings rate, with a view to repay it in full over a set term.
Then you could make the same deal with your son - if he wants that.
If you don't want to go down that road, then you're going to have to work out something else with your son. Just telling him 'No' is not an option. It's not down to him. You made a mistake and you have to set it right, somehow.

BGGB3

To be fair the daughter is investing in house and the money will grow with time. I understand the son doesn’t need the money now but he could invest for his future and grow the money like his sister. 

To avoiding problems in the future  between the children  I will propose to my son double the £40k from the inheritance and put that in the will. 

Also you could talk with him that if he doesn’t agree and you give him the money now, then you have to get Equity release from the house, which means that they will not get anything from the house when you you passed away.

Also in any way you are not obliged to give equal to both children. For me depending how good, caring and respectable there are to me in my old age. The son is selfish and doesn’t really care how the mother will get day by day in old age, so in my book he will get nothing until his mother’s death.

Muttleythefrog

Unfortunately I cannot give my advice as it would likely get removed.

VB23

Speaking very generally, men tend to have better job opportunities, higher salaries, and much more valuable pensions than women are able to achieve.  Maybe giving a daughter a helping hand will help to even out some of life's unfairness. 

moomum1

maybe investigate how much of a mortage over payment on yours sons mortage would result in a £40k reduction in cost.  the overpayment would be less than £40k because of the interest saved over the mortage term.

that way both children got help with their mortages and both got a £40k reduction in cost but the over all cost to you would be less than paying £80k but will have the same impact on (£40k) for both of them 

ElectricitySaver

Re Comeandgo's comment about you maybe needing the £40000 if you have to go into a care home.  Don't know how far you are off that for some dreaded day but some local councils could treat giving your son the £40000 as a deliberate attempt at reducing your capital below whatever the current threshold is and demanding you get the £40000 back.  Tough  but it ain't easy.

Pennypitstop123

I think you are being very unfair, your son must be very hurt and feel very cheated. Both your children should be treated equally. Your son is being punished for working hard and becoming successful. You would have been better asking this question before you gave your daughter the £40,000. I think you are at a high risk of becoming estranged from your son and I would not blame him if he emotionally detached himself from you.

saajan_12

No need to give it just because he asked. Fairness & equity have many aspects, it's not just about giving the exact same to both, and effectively means testing the help is also a way of being fair in giving what each needs.

If you did want to ultimately want to give the same amount, then I'd account for the time value of money. So your will could state son gets the first 40k + growth at the rate of UK RPI inflation / a stock index eg FTSE / something else.