Money Moral Dilemma: My son wants me to give him £40,000 even though he doesn't need it - should I?

kcwa

Sorry but regardless of need all children should be treated equally at the same time to avoid animosity between siblings. I can understand you wanting to help 1 child but you are penalising the child who has worked hard to achieve things themselves. This will cause a rift between family members and prolonged resentment which I’m sure you will want to avoid.

alicef

I do agree your money is your money to do with as you see fit.  Having said that, what happens if your son's situation changes in the future and his perceived fortunate position isn't so fortunate?  I not sure you can promise him anything in your will - your funds may be used in paying for care.  I think you have treated your children unequally and that, to me, is rather sad.

NBLondon

It's hard to say when we don't know the previous family dynamics...   If Daughter has often needed (and received) more help then Son might feel aggrieved but in a close family they might discuss and understand each other's position anyway.   Did Deceased Grandad actually leave a will?  If he preferred Daughter over Son - or wanted them to share equally then he would have stated that.  Or did he die intestate and OP is now deciding what best to do with HER inheritance.  She can afford to give away £40K and wants to help her daughter - her decision.  She can't afford to give away £80K.   

librarybabe

You should always treat your children equally and especially when it comes to money.  Whether they need it or not, is not the point.  If you treat them unequally, you are in danger of creating resentment amongst them.  This is a sad tale and I hope that you can make it right between you all.  Family is so important.  

Ed264

You're getting conflicting opinions with this one. My view - keep the money and earn as much interest on it for when you might need it yourself. What has been done has been done, your intentions with your daughter were justifiable, albeit that it has stirred up a hornet's nest.

Fortune82

I am in the same position as your son and it doesn't concern me in the slightest. My life choices have been different from my sibling's, and they need more help than me. Even if we're not that close I don't begrudge them, neither would I be pressuring my folks to bung me £40,000 as they're asset rich but cash poor like many retirees. If your son wants to fall out with you over this then it's his problem and his alone.

Timetofly

I expect you’re feeling pretty rubbish. What’s done is done but I might have a solution. Maybe find out what percentage of the value of your property, the £40k equates to. Then sign over that percentage of your property to your Son, with legal help so he can’t claim it until your passing. That way his amount increases in line with property values, and so does your daughters. Which sounds fair to me. Providing you live for a few years, it will also safeguard against all your funds being used for healthcare. 

sunnyflower

It's a tough one. I think that I would've given them an equal amount, regardless of need.
I certainly wouldn't hand any extra over if I wanted it for my own plans / retirement though.

perkins9

This has happened to me … my mum gave my brother some money and not me because she said I had a good job and lived with someone whilst my brother lived on his own and wanted to do work on his house.  Whilst I completely adored my mum and took her on holiday and shopping most of my life it broke my heart and I never ever felt the same about her again.  My dad on the other hand made us both absolutely equal and when my mum died he made up for it and gave me the exact same amount out of his bank account that my mum had given to my brother.  I suggest you rethink or you could loose your son.  Your children are your children and should be treat exactly the same all their lives, if your son and daughter had fallen down as children would you have left one on the floor and picked the other up ??? Please re think or I think it will be you who will come off the worse! 

tubular

Life isn't fair, your son is being a spoilt brat. if he's got a good job and his own home, he is doing fine. tell him to grow up.