+++ Whoops! Here comes the cheese! +++

themadvix

Totally understand how paying for the funeral was much harder than the other payment Redo. You are doing so well.

rtandon27

Redo - you are just amazing with the way you are getting on with everything so quickly!  Thank-you for posting how your efforts are coming along, It's a real eye-opener for many of us! 

redofromstart

Thanks all.

Today has been rather 'this time last week'.  This time last week I was driving two hours back from the hospital knowing that he was gone.  Surely it gets easier from here on in?  I have tried to keep busy today and not to think.

I was reminded of how running used to help my head and my inner dialogue that Never Shuts Up, but the damaged tendons in my ankle will not allow me to do that. Instead I charged up my headphones and did 10k on the exercise bike.  It helped but I cursed younger me and my running playlists.  James Blunt 'Heart to Heart', and Mr Probz 'Waves' particularly unhelpful tonight and special bonus points to Houses Make Sounds and 'Zombie Day' for 'Its raining in my head, its raining in my room', 'I feel like a zombie today' which is now ear worming.  Might see if I can book swimming next, at least nobody can see when you are crying underwater.  Will save a less distressing playlist before I cycle again.  Better letting it out than bottling it up but between crying and the exercise I am a soggy mess.

Waiting for church bell practice to finish then I will let the dogs out, and head up and read my kindle in the bath.  Flea drops on all the animals so nobody is speaking to me so I may get a peaceful night. 

Cheery_Daff

Good on you for trying some exercise. No harm in letting it all out. Kindle in the bath sounds like a good plan.

Are you getting any support from any of the bereavement charities etc?  Xx

greenbee

Went to book club tonight, and we ended up with a discussion about reading in the bath. Two of us do, one reads kindle in the bath, one listens to audiobooks in the bath, the others think it's weird. No one else reads in the bath until the hot water runs cold... 

Well done on the exercise - music is so difficult when you are emotionally fragile (books too). So probably best to create playlists and reading lists that you know won't be a problem. 

PennysIntoPounds

It will get easier, with difficult bits inbetween. Just keep going, and do what feels acceptable to you at that point.

Good for you for doing the exercise bike 10k, blimey.
Definitely sort out a more suitable playlist!

You be as much of a soggy mess as you need. Hope you get a peaceful night's sleep 

KeepOnKnitting

I always found I'd be driving and a song would come on the radio and I'd have tears everywhere at 60mph on the dual carriageway. It still happens occasionally, just less often.

Sun_Addict

From experience I found it started to ease after the first year when I could no longer say this time last year … The first birthday, Christmas, etc are difficult. 

It’s good to cry and let the grief come out. I kept it all in until a week after the funeral when it suddenly hit me and I burst into full blown ugly crying in a pub. 

Anything you can do to get through is good. Take care of yourself x

Watty1

From experience, allbeit many years ago now @Sun_Addict is right the first year was the hardest, so many firsts, so much mess.

You are doing amazingly well. In awe of you.

RosaBernicia

Redo, I don't know if you like poetry, and the timing for this may not be right now.  But I thought of you when this John Roedel piece showed up on my screen and so I'm linking it here in case it is right sometime. 

(I love his work, and I find something Pratchett-ish in the sharp eye for detail and irreverence.)