+++ Whoops! Here comes the cheese! +++

KeepOnKnitting

I am in awe of you starting to sort through things already. I hope you don't think that you have to, it's OK to wait a bit if that feels like the right thing to do. 

I love that the cat has a new bed. I'd argue the dog deserves one too! 😉

dawnybabes

My DH has been gone 3 years and I’ve still left his office as was with his shirts hanging up, it’s in my list of things to sort in the next few weeks 

Watty1

I have just caught up.  I have no words for the shock.  Sending you so much love.

redofromstart

Thanks everyone. It is tricky because I don't want to upset his boys (he hasn't been gone five minutes and she is already getting rid of his things, etc) but he was increasingly a hoarder and I can't move for his stuff. I hate being surrounded by mess.  What I am doing is moving things that might be of value to someone else into rooms that I don't need to use for the time being but exiting things that are not fit to be rehomed.  I have told them all that this is what I am doing and they know that we will go through together and choose the things that they want. 

I cracked and bought a cardigan this morning.  Whoops.  Longline hooded one with pockets from MrM.  

Poor dog has eaten all of the things, had a snuggle with me on the sofa for the bit before DS2 and I took her for a circuit of the village.  She is snoring now.  

Vaguely despairing at the mountain of paperwork and again haven't touched it today.  I think I will fill them in and make a list of what certified copies are needed so that I am good to go when the death cert is released.

Sun_Addict

This is what happens when you hoard things, someone else has to clear it after you've gone. A couple of years ago a neighbour's husband in his 70s was found to have a large mass in his abdomen that the doctors thought looked like advanced cancer. Things weren't looking good and she asked him to clear out the junk he was hoarding in the garage before he departed because she didn't want to be faced with the task. Fortunately the mass was benign, he's still here and the garage full of his junk is still a bone of contention!

redofromstart

Status Update

Pension 1 - forms to fill in received and printed - this was a DB and in payment, so should be 50% spousal pension
Pension 2 (PPF) - forms to fill in received by post.  This is DB and in payment so also 50% spouses pension.  They just want a photocopy of our wedding certificate once the 'tell us once' is done.  I like them! 
Pension 3 - DC pot - emailed a collection of forms and want reasonable certificates and info
Pension 4 - DC pot - the one I amalgamated three smaller pots into recently.  They want all of the information in the world and certified copies of things i just do not have, despite the fact I am his spouse and his sole nominated beneficiary.  I do not like them.
Gov Bereavement thing - letter to say application confirmed waiting on death cert
Life Insurance - not had the letter or claim forms yet
Car Insurance - letter confirming my cover, but restriction as the house is not occupied.  The house is occupied so I need to call them about that.
Motorcycle 1 and 2 insurance - confirmed covered for theft by phone but waiting for written confirmation
Motorcycle 3 insurance - need to call them as it is due to be brought home tomorrow

Not done anything about house insurance and utilities - all either in my name or join names
Not contacting the banks till the death is registered

I have paid for the funeral. The place where he wanted to be buried require payment up front. I found making that payment quite distressing - so much more real if you see what I mean.

I think that is all the financial bits.

I need to chase the garage about the price for my tyres and brakes so that they are done before I have to drive any distance.

badmemory

Different people have different responses to loss.  Some sit there amongst everything & refuse to dispose of anything at all, then others (like my mother) had everything gone within a week of getting home.  What got her through it was getting really cross with him because he had had the audacity to die whilst they were on a cruise holiday.  You do what YOU need to do to get through such a difficult time.

EssexHebridean

Where stuff is in joint names and it doesn't matter either way you can safely leave it for now. Ditto things like the house title as I assume this is held as "Joint Tenants" (ie you both own the whole house) - that can be left for as long as you like, don't be mislead by anyone telling you you must transfer it into your sole name. 

BM speaks wisely above too - when Dad died, Mum was comforted by being able to get things sorted. He was also a hoarder, and like you she absolutely hated it, and found having clutter around was even more distressing, so being able to actually start sorting through things and making a plan to begin to get what was now her house as she wanted it was a real help.  You do you, and what works for you. 

Cheery_Daff

More big hugs Redo, you are doing SO well with everything. As everyone's saying, you do what you need to in order to get through, even if it doesn't make sense. One step at a time xxx

greenbee

You've done a huge amount in a very short time. The paperwork is not fun - do the easy stuff, and leave the harder stuff until you have recovered from doing the first lot.