Watty's Awakening

KajiKita

Ah, having a stroppy, several tonnes of grompy, horse-madam, lauding it around the place really wouldn’t be helpful! 😉 Good call at ducking that. 

FWIW, my neighbour has three horses on someone else’s land / stables on really steep ground about two miles from here. I know neighbour would give her eye teeth to be able to have somewhere that she could live with enough (flat!) ground to also host her horses … It’s a slog and a lot of work to have the house and ground to live and keep your horses with you - but it’s the dream for so many and imagine how hard it would have been to look after Most Handsome in a stable remote to you. 

BTW, as ever, please feel free to ignore my ramblings, me being completely non-horsy! 😉

KK

daisy_1571

Lovely start ofmonth round up

Daisy xx

Suffolk_lass

That's some great financial progress so far. Gold star for that, keep it up. You should be so proud. Although your mood has not yet pinged into positive mood space. They say life is a journey, never so true as for you!  if you read back, the 25th of February 2023 you posted this on your old diary:

"Can't sleep so just catching up on here.  been reading diaries and smiling along and sending good wishes to those who need them. 

Thank you all for your comments love and support.   I'm amazed at how many have read and followed this story. That is very humbling.

I'm glad I did not back down and give in but my goodness it was hard to stand up.   What started as a route of asking how I challenged the local council decision on council tax and why my ex was lying about where he lived ended up in the family courts with me gaining an occupation order.   I took a friend for support and that helped keep me calm and over a pre court coffee she helped me with some words.  I booked in and was just shaking and pretty much dissociated from what was happening and incredibly the usher told me there was a woman from a domestic abuse agency in a room in the corner and why didn't I have a chat with her.  The astounding thing is that this woman sits in this court room just one day a week - and - Thursday was her day.  I felt the universe or whatever I believe in was looking after me at that point.   The woman was wonderful, turned out to be a McKenzie Friend which meant she could come in with me. I'd asked for special measures so there was a screen dividing the room in half.  I could see the judge but that was it.  I didn't see my ex or his barrister. The Judge asked the McKenzie friend who she was, she gave her name and her organisation and said it was a domestic abuse agency.   At that point I suddenly felt that the world believed me.   I knew I was unlikely to meet the threshold (me weak spot) but my ex has a house of his own (my strong spot).  

I was asked a couple of questions, roundly told off by the judge for having allowed the VNM to virtually move in so i apologised and called him Sir. It was reminiscent of being in front of the head teacher at school.   However it was evident he had read my (very long) witness statement.  The "other side" had filed their position statement very late and the Judge had not seen it.  I was passed a note by the McKenzie friend saying this was a common tactic in these cases and clearly the Judge had seen that one many times before.  He very nicely asked if I had seen it and read it.  Then asked his barrister to sum up their position which seemed to be he can't move out because he has no where else to live.  This is the standard defence for these orders and the reason they are not granted usually.   The Judge was so insightful.  He just asked one question:  "when will his house be ready".  There was a lot of conferring between barrister and client and the answer came back "now".  I was astounded, the judge had totally destroyed the defence with one question.  I realised it was actually going my way.   The Judge said then 28 days should be enough time to pack and move out and after that you can only visit by arrangement and agreement.   Unsurprisingly the barrister challenged this saying he needed 6 weeks because he was away blah blah.  The Judge then asked me if I could agree with that, guiding me that if I said no and they demanded a full hearing it could take longer and so I agreed.  To be honest I think I would have agreed with anything at that point.

I also agreed that my witness statement has been "vacated" which I think means not proved.   Again, I don't mind.  My witness statement cited a lot of examples of economic abuse (paying off the mortgage instead of investing in my pension being a large one) and I know this is a hard one to prove.   I could possibly have forced the point but the object was to let me live in the house without the stress.  I have achieved that.

The usher looked after me as the case ended letting me know my ex and his barrister were in the room next door and she would let me know when he had left the building.  So I sat with my friend and the lady from the domestic abuse charity in a state of shock.   I have been given some advice about taking a lot of photographs of the house so I can prove if anything is removed without my consent or damaged in that time.  I think I was probably given more advice but i can't remember that as it was all a blur

My friend drove me home and fancied a cup of tea but the VNM had a chilled bottle of Prosecco on the table so we had a glass of that instead and celebrated the start of my life.  I pretty much spent the remainder of the day on the sofa.   I know the reason i can't sleep is a stress reaction and my brain is overloaded.

The today I had an email from my conveyancing solicitor which simply said "Wow! i dont know what you have done but you did it! Scroll down".   I did and found his conveyancing solicitor had sent an email that said further to her last (in which she basically said all this can be sorted out in court) her client felt he now had no choice but to agree to the overage agreement on the land.

I sent a note back saying I was astounded by events as he was but in case he was wondering I got an Occupation Order in the family court with the aid of a book, google and an advice line.

What I did not say was that I have learnt a lot about boundaries, bullying and covert control. "

Watty1

Good @Suffolk_lass that shows just how far i have come.  Reading that was like reading a story that belonged to someone else rather than me.  In a year i have come a very long way.  Thank you for that reminder.

Watty1

@KajiKita you are right.   I do have a dream life for many.  

I think I have become ground down by the slog, by the constant rain and cold and a sick horse. None of that can be changed.   I have also become worried by the lack of financial stability in that yes, I own the house outright but my savings cover just 2 months of my life and that is it.

On the basis I have 'the dream' many horsey people want I need to improve my mood.   One way to make a start on that would be to go back to my gratitude list each day.   I just found the notebook and it has not been touched for a while.  So that is one tiny step that I can take today

themadvix

You may have some people’s ’dream’ Watty, but you also have a sick horse, and the cold and wet. You are allowed to feel ground down by it all too - make sure you have some self-compassion too. The weather this time of year is tough - and more so if you don’t have any choice but to go out in it to see to the horses.

Gratitudes are amazing though - they work for me every time.

KajiKita

@themadvix is right of course 😊 You are allowed to find this time of year tough - we all do. And lugging feed around in the mud and cold and nursing a sickly horse is tiring. I was just hoping to encourage you to stick it out as I think you’d regret giving up on what you have. I think the gratitude practice would be a great place to start. 😊

Sending a warm drink, a bright fire and a cosy evening on the sofa to you to help you get through the day.

KK x

themadvix

@KajiKita I definitely wasn’t suggesting that you thought Watty should suck it up and get in with it! I definitely agree that owning the land may be hard, but also think that the livery option, like renting a home, would be worse - no security of tenure (and that’s without all the b*tchiness, which I had no idea about).

Roll on actual spring and some drier weather!

KajiKita

themadvix said:

@KajiKita I definitely wasn’t suggesting that you thought Watty should suck it up and get in with it! I definitely agree that owning the land may be hard, but also think that the livery option, like renting a home, would be worse - no security of tenure (and that’s without all the b*tchiness, which I had no idea about).

Roll on actual spring and some drier weather!

I know 😊 I just wanted to clarify for Watty, as what I said could have been taken as a bit blunt 😉

Hear hear to actual spring! (Sitting here, watching snow come down, scuppering all our plans for a day out for Mr KK’s birthday today 🤷‍♀️).

KK

Slinky

A key line in that posting from last year is that he can only turn up by appointment and with your agreement. You mentioned that in deleting his number he may turn up at the door. Don't forget that you have the ruling of the court in your favour if he were to do this.  Do you have a chain on your door? Always useful if you get the unexpected visitor.

You've come a long way Watty. You may only have 2 months buffer, in your mind, but don't forget you've cleared your CC debt since the start of the year. Keep plugging away gently, don't kill yourself to do it, but with time, patience and a fair wind, that buffer will grow.

It's got to stop raining at some point, otherwise we'll all develop webbed feet including the horses!