Watty's Awakening

badmemory

I wonder if a change in phrasing might help.  As in you have a 2 month buffer, rather than only have.

I have obviously read too many threads on DFWs.  January & February always seem so long, I have definitely been feeling Oh & I have got this to do, well I'll do it tomorrow (maybe).

KajiKita

Now I’m imagining web footed equines … <boggles> 🤔😂😂😂😂

KK

Watty1

Its raining again here.  I've mucked out the horses and put two in the field, then started to groom Most Handsome as i thought he might enjoy that.    The heavens opened and he made it very clear he was not enjoying a groom in the downpour so he has been returned to stable with a toy.  (A huge ball filled with food he can roll around and the food dribbles out)

Some time ago I bought some "bulbs in the green" to brighten the garden and I must admit I had forgotten about them but they turned up on Thursday so I spent time putting those in the garden. I now have a spring border with snowdrops, daffs, hellebores and some evergreen that flowers (vinca I think)   It is the border I restored last summer by just using cuttings and plants I could save from elsewhere in the garden.   It looks lovely and planting the bulbs between the showers helped me realise that I am depressed.

Usually a morning with the horses and in the garden  would really feel like a treat but today planting the daffs seemed a chore and I wished I hadn't bought them.    So I have realised I am just depressed.   I say "just depressed" but there is no "just" about depression as many of you know.

I will talk with my GP but also I have an appointment with the private doctor for hormones in three weeks (when she has the result of blood tests) so I will chat to her too in case there is a possible answer there.

I think the idea I could sell up and do something different was a product of that drop in mood and I'm going to thank the universe (and all of you actually) for pointing out that I would hate being on a livery yard.   It took planting the bulbs out to help me realise that this is not just low mood.   I'm going to go and make a cup of tea and sit with that and make a list of all the great things in my life (there are many, 3 wonderful horses, feral cat, WattyDog, friends, my own company, the VNM and this forum for starters)

and also list the things that are getting me down as there will be some I can do something about if I get clear and others like the rain that are just a fact of life (and that will eventually stop I'm sure).

KajiKita

Well done on the realisation. Always the first step to fixing anything as intangible as mood. 

Sending hugs x

badmemory

I suspect that the depression will turn out to be the backlash of what you have gone through & hopefully quite quickly sorted.  But this is always best actually dealt with rather than trying to ignore.

KajiKita

badmemory said:

I suspect that the depression will turn out to be the backlash of what you have gone through & hopefully quite quickly sorted.  But this is always best actually dealt with rather than trying to ignore.

I had the same thought but couldn’t find the words. Thank you for articulating it.

KK

PennysIntoPounds

As @badmemory says, you've been through a lot and it's completely natural and understandable to have trauma to work through- I'd be blimmin surprised if anyone didn't after how your ex has behaved! You've been really brave, and you're being brave acknowledging how you feel and working out ways to get through it. Sending hugs and hoping there are little enjoyments in your Saturday night to make you smile x

ajmoney

Watty1 said:

I think the idea I could sell up and do something different was a product of that drop in mood and I'm going to thank the universe (and all of you actually) for pointing out that I would hate being on a livery yard.   It took planting the bulbs out to help me realise that this is not just low mood.   I'm going to go and make a cup of tea and sit with that and make a list of all the great things in my life (there are many, 3 wonderful horses, feral cat, WattyDog, friends, my own company, the VNM and this forum for starters)

and also list the things that are getting me down as there will be some I can do something about if I get clear and others like the rain that are just a fact of life (and that will eventually stop I'm sure).

Recently I was chatting to a friend and wondering if I needed to sell up and move to a place that was less of a potential drain. He felt the same a while and said the way he looked at it was if he had somewhere to escape to it made sense to move but otherwise he was just running. I still don't have a plan but I will try to make a difference in the place I am in than potentially go to another problem home.

I don't know if my ramblings make sense. I know there is a lot caught up in being in your home but I guess what I am trying to say is that while moving may work, it might not be the answer.

Sending hugs x

Suffolk_lass

Not to trivialise how you are feeling but another factor is possibly going to be the wet weather, which also has a lot to answer for with people stuck indoors a lot more than we would all like, and more people than know it, suffering from SAD.

This might sound ridiculous, but the last but one year I was at work I was having a really bad time and I was bullied and miserable. I did two things that helped (although I did not see my doctor). I wrote an escape plan and recorded the things that were contributing to my low mood (it did include seasonal things too) and secondly, I resolved to smile as I passed people, whether I knew them or not. The escape plan was reassuring just because it was there. The smiling was amazing. People (not everyone, but lots) smiled back. When I went for coffee, people chatted and it really lifted my mood. I can't explain why but I guess the smile endorphins did a bit to help. It won't cure clinical depression but I recommend it for the blues

badmemory

That smiling at strangers does really help.  When I used to walk to work I did that.  It used to make a really good start to the day.  I only ever came across one person who didn't smile, although a couple of people who looked a bit surprised first, I think it is possible she couldn't smile, like someone I met a very long time ago who actually was not able to smile.