Watty's Awakening

dawnybabes

We are going to start on my DH’s office this week, it’s 4 years since he died.  We have been bringing 3 things down everytime we go in the loft so slowly that’s reducing.

daisy_1571

If you can: a person isn't their belongings, just because someone owned a thing doesn't mean the family has to keep it forever, he won't honour her more by keeping everything she owned, conversely he won't forget her if he lets stuff go, one or two of her possessions can stand in for everything else, keeping old bits and bobs doesn't equate to the love we feel/felt, the person that's gone wouldn't want their loved ones to get 'stuck' for months trying to clear out (or if they would maybe that involves a bit of ruminating on what kind of a person they were and what that says about the relationship)

Maybe there will be a moment when one of these or something like it will be appropriate that might spark something in the vnm and let him get on and clear the house.  

It seems harsh when people have to clear a council house by a specific date but having an unlimited time is not necessarily helpful either,  it can drag on which I don't think is good for anyone if they get stuck.  

No idea if any of this is helpful,  you know him best

Dxxx

KajiKita

I remember when Mr KK’s grandad died. He’d lived in a council house and the council gave the family just two weeks to completely clear the house. I would find that hard …

KK

dawnybabes

I’m going to the Hospital this  week with a friend of a friend as she’s some learning disabilities and looking at the papers it’s really really bad news - about 1-6 months max and she’s in a council house, I’ve already started pre warning my friend as her council house is full of ‘stuff’, her son is in supported living (and will be forever)  and there’s no one else so we will have 2 weeks to sort it all through. 

KajiKita

dawnybabes said:

I’m going to the Hospital this  week with a friend of a friend as she’s some learning disabilities and looking at the papers it’s really really bad news - about 1-6 months max and she’s in a council house, I’ve already started pre warning my friend as her council house is full of ‘stuff’, her son is in supported living (and will be forever)  and there’s no one else so we will have 2 weeks to sort it all through. 

Oh Wowsers …. So hard on your friend and you. Is there really nobody  else who could be roped in to help a bit?

KK

daisy_1571

Sorry to hear that dawnybabes

Dxx

earthgirl2

Very similar situation as I packed my grandma up to go into a nursing home about 14 years ago. Sadly she didn't have quite a few things she needed, and wouldn't take other things as she was "keeping them for best". I still have some bedding that she was keeping for best, but I used! 

Hope you manage to get time to feel peaceful and recharged Watty. 

Watty1

@badmemory definitely not easy and the longer something is held on to the hard it becomes I suspect but I do hope you can find a way to release a few items gradually that works for you. 

@daisy_1571 I agree , the empty a council house in 2 weeks is brutal but it does give a focus. I did my grandmothers and was so exhausted that the last few items with off with a clearance company that also cleaned too although I did rehome much of her furniture with someone who needed it and the same with food from the cupboards and so on.  There was a lot I left I wish I had gone through but 2 weeks is hard when trying to make decisions with a mother at one end of the company, a sister who wanted anything she could sell and so on.   Luckily my grandmother was a generous lady and gave away things as she went through life.  I remember asking where a gorgeous 1920s and very sought after tea set had gone and she said she had given it to the milkman.  Horrified I asked her if she realised what it was worth and her response was, well no dear, but the poor man has just got married and has nothing so it will be lovely for him to have that to have a cup of tea in.   My sister and I felt he probably could have sold it and got a completely new kitchen but we had to laugh as it was a kind gesture beautifully meant and when I cleared grannies flat there was so little to really worry over.

@dawnybabes is there anyone that can help?  That is going to be hard.  So sorry to read that. 

Suffolk_lass

My Mum (95) has a five bedroom house full of memories, other people's house contents and her own collections. It's going to be a nightmare, when the time comes, but the things there give her huge pleasure. She often fills our video calls with telling me about photos, letters or cards she has been looking at. So everything stays until we reach that point

daisy_1571

Suffolk lass its lovely to hear of someone enjoying their possessions.   Things shoved in cupboards or cellars or attics don't tend to give a lot of joy day to day but clearly your mum regularly gets things out or has them out therefore definitely worthwhile for her to keep them around her  

Dxx